It was my second trip to the city. The first one had been pleasant enough — a weekend jaunt with a girl I was seeing. Boutique hotel, drinks in the old town, all that jazz. But it was a quick trip, 48-hours.

This time around I planned to stay a week with some buddies. Exploring. Partying. Doin’ hoodrat ‘tings with my friends.

We rented a penthouse apartment on the beach in Bocagrande for the week. I was excited. At this point, I thought Cartagena was a wonderful place.

That was about to change.

See what had happened was…

We check into our Airbnb in the late afternoon and immediately head out for dinner. Dinner leads to drinks. And we party the night away. Was a fun night.

Around noon the following day, we’re finally able to get out of the apartment and head down to the beach in Bocagrande.

Now, the beach here isn’t great. Average at best…

But we’re hungover, just looking to relax under an umbrella, take a swim, and chill.

So we do exactly that.

We find an empty patch of sand, pay for an umbrella and some chairs, start to unwind. We’re laughing about the night prior, having a good ole’ time.

Then one of the beach vendors walks up behind us…

“You want a massage?”

I turn around to see a woman resembling Martin Lawrence in Big Mama’s House.

She was bigggggg. We’ll call her: Big Mamacita.

I reply: “No thank you. Have a nice day.”

But Big Mamacita isn’t taking no for an answer: “You sure? My hands are very strong. I give you massage for free.”

I reply in a relaxed manner again: “No, we are good. Thank you.”

She keeps pushing, asking around our whole group. Everyone politely says no, thinking she’ll eventually take the clue and leave us alone.

Then out of nowhere, after we had told her we did not want a massage damn near a dozen times, I hear a noise. Like someone squirting lotion out of a half-empty bottle. Then I feel it, a cold wet feeling that’s running down my back…

She had squirted lotion on my back.

I stand up and start yelling, “I TOLD YOU NO!”

I grabbed her towel and wipe the lotion off my back, while still yelling at her, “LEAVE US ALONE!”

I figured she would have gotten the message at this point, but the next part really blew my mind.

As I’m yelling at her, she looks me dead in the eye and says, “PAY ME!”

Me: “What are you talking about? Get the fuck out of here.”

Big Mamacita replies, “Pay me for the lotion and I leave.”

I’m flabbergasted at this point. Truly bewildered. About to completely lose my cool.

My friends are on their feet now too. We’re all yelling at her. Other people on the beach are staring. It’s becoming a scene.

She asks for payment again and we tell her to get lost one last time, which she finally does.

In Cartagena, you cannot relax on the beach.

That’s not all…

Big Mamacita finally leaves us in peace.

We sit back down under the umbrella, but our relaxing day at the beach just turned tense. We decide to go for a swim in the ocean to cool down and chill out.

Frolicking around in the ocean, swimming, relaxing, laughing about that whole ordeal. Then this dude on a jetski comes up, “You want to drive the jetski?”

Me: “Nope, all good. Thanks!”

Just like Big Mamacita, he gets pushy after the first no: “You sure? This jetski is fast. It’s really fun. I will give you good price.”

The homies and me all reply, “No, thank you.”

He continues asking, but at this point, we just turn our backs to him and ignore him. Thinking he’ll just go away.

Which he does end up going away.

But not before driving the jetski full speed at us as we’re swimming and then hard turning it a few feet away from us and spraying us in the face with seawater.

“YOU FUCKING CUNT!”

He drives away laughing his ass off, as we’re cursing and flipping him off. My buddies and I are now pissed. We honestly don’t know what to say at this point, as none of us had ever had back-to-back horrific experiences with locals like this.

In Cartagena, you cannot relax while swimming in the ocean.

Nowhere is safe…

As we make our way back to the beach, my one homie finally says what we’re all thinking:

“The locals in Cartagena suck!”

We laughed and wholeheartedly agreed.

In the evening, we decide to hit Ciudad Amurallada, the historical walled city, for some dinner.

I call an Uber.

Uber shows up and just as we open the door, we’re hit with a smell. A smell we all know the instant it hits the nostrils — weed.

The Uber driver had been smoking in his car while driving to pick us up.

Lovely.

Whatever, we get in and off we go. He’s driving us, we’ve got seatbelts on, it’s a 10-15 minute trip, should be fine.

The Uber driver starts talking to us, asking our plans for the evening, and of course, offering the customary “chicas” to the gringos.

We decline numerous times, but he’s a bit pushy.

The ride continues and it’s been about 15-minutes. I hadn’t been paying much attention, just chatting with the homies.

But we should have been at the old city by now.

My buddy had spent some time in Cartagena before and leans over, “So I think he took some wrong turns, this isn’t the old city.”

I open up Uber, we’re far away from where we should have been going. We start questioning the driver, “Hey where are you going? This isn’t close to the old city.”

He laughs, “You’ll like this better, I promise”

We start yelling at him, “Where the are you taking us?! TAKE US TO THE OLD CITY.”

Just as we’re about to snap on this guy, he pulls up to what is clearly a brothel.

“TAKE US TO THE OLD CITY! WE’RE NOT GOING INSIDE THAT FUCKING BROTHEL.”

He turns around and makes a confused face, “You don’t want chicas?!”

NOOOOOO!

He rolls down his window, waves goodbye to the doorman, and reluctantly takes us back to the old city.

But…

As he’s driving us to the old city, upset that he couldn’t get his brothel commission from a group of gringos, he opens up the glove box.

Inside, he grabs a bottle of rum that’s half gone.

He begins chugging the rum as he’s driving. It was clearly something he’d done before.

My buddies and I look at each other — WTF!

Finally, we arrive to the old city. We jump out of the Uber as fast as possible, happy to have made it out alive.

In Cartagena, you cannot relax while taking an Uber to the old city.

Cartagena, Colombia 🇨🇴 The Worst City in Latin America

That day kick-started my pure and unadulterated hatred of Cartagena, Colombia.

But it was far from the only day…

Since that trip, I’ve visited Cartagena two more times — for a total of four trips to this absolute shithole of a city.

I’m a slow learner.

On one of those trips, quite possibly the most insane thing that’s ever happened to me in life occurred.

And while the situation did not involve scopolamine or prostitutes — surprisingly — I don’t think I’ll be sharing it online. ‘Twas a legitimately insane situation that only a handful of my closest homies even know about.

But that situation further fueled my hatred of the godforsaken city known as Cartagena, Colombia.

My best advice for anyone reading this…

Do NOT pass “GO.”

Do NOT collect $200.

And sure as shit — do NOT visit Cartagena.

You can order damn near everything you want off Rappi, delivered straight to your front door, and often without a prescription.

You also have world-class stem cell clinics in Medellin, a budding peptides industry, and cheap bloodwork easily available.

Here’s what’s we inside:

• TRT

• Fertility

• GLP-1s

• HGH

• Peptides

• Nootropics

• Nicotine

• Supplements

• Stem Cells

• Psychedelic Therapy

• Anabolic Steroids

• Lab Testing

As you already know: NONE OF THIS IS MEDICAL ADVICE. This is solely my own experience — and for entertainment and educational purposes only.

TRT

Colombia might be the second-best country in Latin America for running TRT with ease, behind Mexico. The pharmacy infrastructure works, testosterone is available over-the-counter in practice, and the expat communities in Medellín and Bogotá have turned this into well-worn territory.

Bayer Testoviron Depot (Testosterone Enanthate, 250mg/1ml) is the standard product.

Same pharmaceutical-grade Bayer testosterone you’d find in Mexico or Europe. Available at Farmatodo, Cruz Verde, La Rebaja, and more. A single ampule runs roughly 40,000–60,000 COP ($12–16 USD). Sustanon 250 is also available at similar pricing.

While technically prescription-only, in practice, most pharmacies sell it without one. If you get pushback, a general practitioner visit costs 50,000–100,000 COP ($12–25 USD) and you’ll walk out with a script in ten minutes. No bloodwork prerequisite, no specialist referral. Just tell them you’re on TRT and need a prescription for testosterone enanthate.

Oh and of course, you can order it on Rappi.

Rappi is a Colombian company, founded in Bogotá, and pharmacy delivery is one of its core features. Farmatodo, Cruz Verde, and La Rebaja all deliver via Rappi across the country. Open the app, search “Testoviron” or “testosterona,” and have it delivered to your apartment.

Needles and alcohol swabs (”toallitas con alcohol”) are available OTC at any pharmacy or via Rappi. No questions asked.

At $10–15 per ampule, TRT in Colombia is even cheaper than in Mexico, and a fraction of the cost you’d pay in the USA.

Fertility

HCG and Clomid are both available in Colombia, though sourcing takes a bit more legwork than Mexico. By a bit, I mean a lot.

For HCG, you have two options:

Read more

• Remote

• Interesting

• Wild

The place is certainly not like anything else you will encounter anywhere else in the world.

It's not even like the other ports along the Amazon, partly because it's the only Colombian port. 

I can't say for sure how long you will want to stay in Leticia, but it's certainly worth checking out if the Amazon intrigues you and you’re exploring Colombia already.

Leticia, Amazonas, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population: 

Leticia is actually part of an area where Colombia, Brazil and Peru all meet together. 

The city of Leticia itself has around 33,000 people in total living in it.

Right across the border, Tabatinga in Brazil has another 67,000 or so. And on the other bank of the Amazon River, the Peruvian town of Santa Rosa has less than a thousand people. 

There really are no suburbs here. These towns have all been carved out of some of the world's densest jungle, so they are pretty compact. Civilization ends abruptly with the last house on the edge of the rainforest.

Weather: 

If you like cold and dry weather, you are permanently out of luck in Leticia: 

Honestly, the times I was there, I never once even saw the humidity below 90 percent. It does get quite a bit nicer at night, however. 

Also, this is the rainforest, and rain it will. The numbers on the above charts speak for themselves. Even the least rainy months will still get several inches of the water from the sky.

Come here prepared for it to rain at any time.

It's recommended to bring boots that won't get soaked in the rain, and appropriate rain gear, especially if you are going outside the city centers. 

Why Visit Leticia, Colombia?

Who doesn't want to see the Amazon River in real life? Trust me, it's impressive. 

Also…

• You'll meet a lot of very cool people and cool cultures

• The dating scene is surprisingly good here

• The food and the flora and fauna are super unique

• It's also surprisingly cheap to stay in Leticia

There is one major downside to Leticia and surrounding areas, however. The internet and phone service is less than stellar. It can vary from day to day, but it's generally very slow. This is unfortunately a potential deal-killer, I know, especially for longer stays in Leticia. 

If you are planning on coming, I recommend you come when you can do work that isn't super internet-dependent, or just make a vacation out of it.

How to Get to Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴

There's no way to reach Leticia by road, at all. 

You can come into Bogotá and catch a flight from there. It usually costs between 400-600,000 COP for a one-way ticket. 

The flight will take almost exactly two hours each way. 

Likewise, Tabatinga in Brazil has its own airport. You can only go back and forth from Manaus here, though. In almost every case, it's going to be way cheaper and more convenient just to fly through Bogotá:  

The only other way in and out of Leticia — and all the towns along this part of the Amazon — is to take a slow boat up or down river.

This option doesn't appeal to me, and probably won't appeal to most of the people reading this. Travel times are long, conditions are far from comfortable, and it's surprisingly expensive! 

More for curiosity's sake, this is what's out there on the river in that part of the world. If anyone actually got the bug to make this journey, they'd probably start in Iquitos, Peru and make their way downriver: 

Just the short leg on the left of the map from Iquitos to Leticia takes almost 12 hours, and the cost is 100 Peruvian Soles, or about $28 USD. The journey from there to Manaus takes at least four whole days, and from Manaus back it would be even longer, since it's upriver. 

If you plan on visiting anywhere in this region, make sure you have your yellow fever vaccine, just in case.

If you don't have it already, get it at least a couple weeks before getting on that plane. This is both because it can take that long for the vaccine to take full effect, and also, sometimes you get a bit sick after getting it.

Best Neighborhoods in Leticia 🇨🇴

Once again, this is a very unique place. 

I should probably come right out and point out that this is a Leticia guide for a reason. 

I highly recommend that you stay in Leticia, and not in Tabatinga, or anywhere in Perú. 

Colombia for the win…

The Colombian side of the tri-country area is by far the nicest. It's the most built up, and also by far the safest.

Also, incredibly, the tap water in Leticia is drinkable. I saw many people drinking it, and experimented with my own body. No problems whatsoever. Not even a minor twitch in the stomach! Do not try drinking water in the other two countries. 

Tabatinga can be fun but it's much more run-down than Leticia and turns into a little war zone at night. Also, the nightlife in Leticia is much better in general (see below). Santa Rosa, as opposed to being run-down, is simply underdeveloped, and almost looks like a rough little medieval village with (sporadic) electricity. 

People who live in the area who are trying to save money often wind up living somewhere in Tabatinga, no matter what their nationality. They definitely pay for it in terms of quality of life, though. 

In general, the Brazilian and Peruvian sides are for day trips only, or to go to eat their local cuisine. 

Inside Leticia itself, there are no better or worse neighborhoods, really, and there are no “no-go” zones. Also, since it's so small and dense, everything is within easy walking distance, usually 15 minutes or less. 

The world's most porous border? 

I've certainly never seen a more porous border in any of my travels! 

You are literally walking down a street and the language changes from Spanish to Portuguese from one block to the next: 

There are no border controls whatsoever. Of course, you can only go so far into the neighboring countries ("the first few towns" is what they tell me) before you will have to go to a customs and immigration post and officially enter the country. 

Places to Stay in Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴

While there are some decent hotels here, this is the Amazon…

Do NOT come here expecting everything to work like it does back home and luxury.

Airbnb Options

I love Airbnb, but I think hotels are the way to go in Leticia, especially if you pick the right one. 

This is mainly because Leticia is much better suited for shorter stays, due to the lack of good phone and internet services, as mentioned above. 

If you do want to get away from it all for a longer time, and are OK with being not super reachable, there are plenty of decent options, however: 

This place, for example is about $700-800 USD per month for two people, after the typical monthly discount. It's a loft with a dedicated working space. 

Hotel Options

When I go to Leticia, I always prefer to stay at the Hotel Santa Helena:

It's far from being a Ritz-Carlton, but it has everything you need for a great stay. The AC in the rooms works perfectly. As you can see, there is a nice pool. You can order breakfast or lunch there if you want, or coffee. And it's a steal at only 80,000 COP (around $18 USD) per night. That was with two people staying in the room. 

Another nice thing is that the Santa Helena is located close to the geographical center of Leticia, making it even easier to get around the place. It felt like the whole town was just a stone's throw away the whole time we were there.

Since Leticia is pretty touristy, there's no shortage of hotels there. 

A very popular option for tourists is the Waira hotel.

Rooms here will run you around 400 to 450,000 COP per night (around $80-100 USD). 

The Waira, as seen, has a much sleeker and more modern look, which I actually don't like very much. Your mileage may vary. It does have a pool, although it's actually smaller than the Santa Helena, and many more guests will be competing for it. 

If you want to go all out, you can opt to stay at the 4-star Decameron Lodge: 

This will run you a pretty penny, though. At the time of this writing, Trip advisor is offering a special discount. Even with that discount, the rooms are clocking in at over 1,069,000 COP per night. That's in the neighborhood of a whopping $250USD per night! 

You will get in return for all this money: slightly nicer and more private rooms, a slightly bigger (but shallower) pool, a free breakfast, an in-house bar. That's it. The internet will still be slow as anywhere else in Leticia. 

I personally don't think it's worth the money. 

You may be in another Colombian city and have a local recommend going to the OnVacation hotel. For the love of all that's holy, do not do this! The place is in the middle of nowhere, reachable only by boat. The whole thing is super disorganized. There are no ATMs out there, the rooms are ghetto, and everything is an upsell once you get there. Avoid! 

Costs of Living in Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴

You most likely would never want to *live* here, but for comparison sakes…

Here’s a breakdown of cost of living in Leticia, Colombia in USD:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $600-1200

• Hotel in Best Area: $500-7,000

• Maid: usually included

• Grocery Store: $300

• Eating Out / Delivery: $300

• Gym: $25

• BJJ / MMA: $30

• Partying / Dating / Social: $500-1000

• Cell Data: $12

It’s a fairly cheap area overall, but not one to spend months on end at.

How Safe is Leticia, Colombia?

One of my best friends here in Colombia was born and raised in Leticia. 

He tells me that, 30 years ago, Leticia was like paradise, and that it has a lot more problems now than it ever did. 

This may be true, but Leticia to me is still on the safe side, especially compared to Medellin, Cali, Cartagena, Santa Marta, etc. 

My safety tips for the Leticia area: 

• If you don't speak Spanish, walk around with someone who does. 

• If you're going out of town, get a good tour guide.

• Don't stay in the Brazilian or Peruvian areas at night, at all. 

If you can follow those rules, you should be safe enough here — and able to enjoy all the jungle tourism you desire — without issue.

The Dating Scene in Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴

Leticia can be surprisingly good for dating, believe it or not! 

It's very easy to break the ice here, and the town is full of women who are actively looking. 

Are the local women in Leticia beautiful? I would definitely say so, but there is a caveat. The people here are mostly indigenous, therefore, the women are mostly indigenous. It's not hard to come across a girl with the classic "Pocahontas" good looks.

Of course, that doesn't appeal to everyone. 

There definitely is lots of tourism in Leticia, but it's mostly Colombians and Brazilians. So, as someone from somewhere else in the world, you will still stand out. 

It probably won't surprise anybody who has read this far in the article when I say this:

Girls in these areas of Perú and Brazil don't hold a candle to the girls in Leticia. This goes not only for looks, but for personality, charm, style of dress, intelligence, grace and elegance. You might run across the odd gem in Tabatinga but I wouldn't count on it!

The biggest downside of the dating scene in Leticia may very well be deciding what to do when it's time to leave, since the place isn't really suitable for long-term stays. 

Do You Need to Speak Spanish in Leticia? 

The short answer is:

To really take advantage of this place, you should have good Spanish and at least decent Portuguese! 

Most people in Leticia are, at the very least, bilingual. A shocking number of them speak both good Spanish and Portuguese and one or more indigenous languages — Ticuna is the most common indigenous language in the area. 

While almost everybody in Leticia speaks Portuguese, not too many people in Tabatinga speak good Spanish. In any case, very few people in either town will have good English, aside from people who actually work as tour guides etc. 

So yes, Spanish is the bare minimum to get by here.

P.S: Luckily, it has never been easier to learn Spanish!

Nightlife in Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴

Leticia is a fairly small town, and generally, people don't come here for the nightlife.

However, there are several viable places to go in town if you feel like drinking or dancing for the night.

Here are some highlights…

Moshh Bar

This place is located right off of Parque Santander, and was my personal favorite in the whole area. A lot of young "single and ready to mingle" come here for cocktails. 

The place also plays a nice eclectic mix of music from all over Colombia and Brazil, so you don't get bored with a single style. 

It also gets major points in my book because it’s frequented way more by locals than by tourists.  

Bora Bora

This place is perfect for people that love that old-school Latin nightclub vibe, with the fancy bottle service, booming sound system and all. 

Once again, the music mix is pretty eclectic, but here they tend to favor more the Brazilian stuff. 

Tierras Amazónicas 

This place is more well-known as a restaurant than a bar, but there is plenty of drinking and dancing. The live music pictured above takes place during the dinner hours, then the DJ takes over, and things get moving. 

This is also the place to go to eat traditional Amazon foods, mainly centered on the local fish from the river, and some other much more exotic stuff. 

Just to remind you again…

I do not recommend partying over in Tabatinga. It's very ghetto and extremely rough once the sun goes down over there.

In Perú, it's perhaps even worse, with the super intermittent electricity. Also, they play 100% wayno music over there, which is almost certainly not to your taste!  

Exploring Around the Amazon Area…

I'm not much of a guided-tour type of guy.

I like going someplace new and exploring on my own, wandering around with little or no specific agenda. 

The big exception to this rule would be Leticia… 

Part of the reason for this is that Leticia and Tabatinga are pretty small, and to go anywhere else, you need to get on a boat.

Even then, I only went on one group tour the whole time I was there. The one I recommend is the tour that goes from Leticia up to Puerto Nariñoand back by boat. This tour is a day-long tour; you'll leave around 7:30am and get back around 4pm or 5pm. 

You'll make tons of stops in Perú and Colombia, including a stop on the island where you will have monkeys climbing all over you. You'll also get to see some indigenous culture, and eat a nice traditional lunch. You'll also get to see a lot of the unique local flora and fauna. 

In fact, on the way back, you'll get a chance to see the famous pink dolphins, depending on the season. 

Puerto Nariño is a cute little town right on the river, on the other bank from Leticia but it's actually part of Colombia. There are no motor vehicles of any kind in town, so it's almost eerily quiet at times: 

On another day, we hired a private tour guide to take us to a few Brazilian and Peruvian islands and explore more. We learned more about fruits and plants unique to the region, and much of its history as well. 

There are actually tons of excursions you can go on. There are also evening treks into the bush which are really amazing. Don't touch either of these bad babies if you see them; just take a pic and move on! ;)

Also, don't even think about venturing into the Amazon rainforest at night without an experienced guide! That should go without saying, though! 

The evening excursions mean fighting off lots of bugs, including, of course, the ever-famous mosquito. But the sights you will see are more than worth it. 

There is even a chance to be able to wrestle with baby alligators in some areas, if you want some real adventure! Once again, do it with an experienced guide, or not at all. 

How Long Should You Stay in Leticia?

I'm going to say the answer to this one is:

A few days to a few weeks max. 

You may want to stay longer if, for whatever reason, being semi-incommunicado with the rest of the world isn't a problem for you. This would mainly be if your work isn't super internet-dependent (but what remote work isn't?) or if you simply have enough money to not worry about it. 

I am told that local authorities are moving hell and high water to improve the area's connectivity, and then this place would be a much better candidate for basing on a medium to long-term basis. Hopefully this will be a thing.

Aside from this issue, Leticia has great food, you have lots of incredible nature around you, and it's a pretty cheap place to live. 

The main downsides, aside from the communication problems, are that it's small and very isolated from the rest of the world. 

Leticia, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

If you are already staying in Colombia, or somewhere close to it, I think you should, at the very least, go down and check Leticia out for a few days and see what you think of it personally. 

Just seeing the Amazon with your own eyes and eating the delicious local food is worth it.

Also, some of the excursions are really fun and definitely unique. 

I hope Leticia can get its shit together with the internet sometime soon. If it does, I personally would spend a lot more time there. 

But, for those of you who really like the heat, this place has a lot to offer the adventurous expat/digital nomad type, if they know where to look. 

This is no hamlet in the middle of nowhere. This is a mature and sophisticated city with a surprising amount of positives — along with some stuff to look out for, as well.

Let's look further into what locals call "La Curramba" on the coast.

Barranquilla, Atlántico, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

A lot of people may not realize this, but Barranquilla is actually Colombia's fourth-largest city, after…

• Bogotá

• Medellín

• Cali

Around 1.3 million people call this city home.

But the metro area of Barranquilla is home to nearly 2.4 million people.

Weather:

Barranquilla's weather is no joke! You will be tested on whether you really like the heat here…or not. 

As the chart below states, this data is all at least 20 years old, so things are probably going to be even hotter for you in 2023…

I've personally seen the mercury at around 92 F in the wee hours of the morning in this city. 

Also, it almost never rains here, but when it does, it's absolute chaos for a couple of days. Some people would say this is part of the whole Barranquilla experience, though. The city is super flood-prone, so "arroyos" form in the streets. 

I once stayed with a family that had a 4x4, and they absolutely insisted on me going out with them in the vehicle with the streets full of water. I won't deny it; it was pretty damn fun!

Why Visit Barranquilla, Colombia?

Barranquilla is often bad-mouthed by other Colombians, so I had low expectations the first time I went there.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised in many ways… 

• Women here are drop-dead gorgeous

• It's great value for your dollar

• The city's nightlife is on par with just about anywhere else in the world

• Amenities are actually pretty good, including hotels, living spaces, etc.

Barranquilla is FAR from a “shithole” these days, especially in the nicer areas.

But don’t tell that to someone from Bogota, Medellin, or Cali ;(

How to Get to Barranquilla 🇨🇴

Once again, if you're already somewhere on the Caribbean coast of Colombia, you can get there by land.

Otherwise, you're almost definitely going to want to fly there. 

The BAQ airport goes to and from 15 destinations, 7 of them being international. However, there is not a lot on the menu here. International destinations are limited to:

• Curacao

• Dominican Republic (JBQ and SDQ)

• Panama (PTY and BLB)

• Miami (MIA and FLL) 

P.S: More intel on flights here.

As such, it's not a super easy-to-reach destination for anybody living north of Miami or south of Bogotá. It's also not a bad idea to get a flight into Cartagena, and then reach Barranquilla by land — the trip usually takes a couple hours.

You should also be aware that the airport is located way in the south of the metro area, in the municipality of Soledad. You will almost certainly not be staying anywhere near it — read more on that below.

Allow lots of time to get to and from the airport, as the way is often jam-packed with city traffic.

Best Neighborhoods in Barranquilla, Colombia 🇨🇴

In general, the further north you go in the Barranquilla area, the nicer it is.

If you get a place to stay anywhere within this map just below, you are in one of the nicer neighborhoods in this town:

The absolutely most upscale neighborhoods in Barranquilla are actually located a little bit south of the extreme north of the city. If you want the fanciest places Barranquilla has to offer, check out: 

• El Golf

• Ciudad Jardín 

• Villa Country

These neighborhoods are really great places to stay in Barranquilla.

They put you steps away from the nightlife. Because of that, they can get a bit noisy, though. Also, this part of the city is very modern and full of high-rises, like these:

If you are one of the people who prefers colonial architecture, I would recommend the El Prado and Prado Alto neighborhoods. These places also have more of a neighborhood vibe and are more relaxed.

If you want to be a bit away from all the action in a more peaceful neighborhood, Riomar, in the extreme northwest is recommended.

Other Neighborhoods in Barranquilla

South of this, there are a lot of perfectly acceptable middle-class neighborhoods where you can stay if you want to stretch your dollars/spend them on something else than lodging. 

Just be aware, the further south you go, the hairier it gets here. This is especially important because your crime risk really increases here as you keep going south. 

After the Barranquilla city limits, Soledad follows, and then Malambo. Most Barranquilleros won't even go there unless they 1) live there or 2) have some other compelling reason to go.

I've walked around at night in Soledad without issue before, but it's clearly not Sunday school over there! I recommend you stay north as much as you can in this town.

Places to Stay in Barranquilla 🇨🇴

You can see some great deals in some of the best areas. Honestly, everything priced above $1000 a month in the above pic is at least a two-bedroom unit. 

For bros on a budget…

This nice little Art Deco place in Prado is an especially good deal, in my almost-humble opinion. 

If you prefer to ball out a lil’ bit…

Something like this “penthouse” offers great value at $1,300-1,400 USD per month.

As far as hotels go, you can expect far better deals for nice places here than you could in either Cartagena or Santa Marta:

The top hotels in Barranquilla are actually mainly clustered around El Prado, which puts you close to the museums and the historic center. 

• The Radisson in El Prado is a good bet; reasonably priced, and excellently located.  It also has a stellar complimentary breakfast.

• The bh in Prado Alto is a better option for people who want more peace and quiet at night, and prefer to walk or take a car down to El Prado.

People who want a hotel in El Golf probably want to stay in the Hotel Barranquilla Plaza. This place has two swimming pools, and a rooftop restaurant-bar which is probably one of the top dating spots in the city.

Typical Costs of Living in Barranquilla, Colombia

Barranquilla is a unique spot because you could easily live a great life here for $1,500 USD a month all-in.

However, you can also get solid value spending $3,000-5,000 USD a month and balling out.

Below are some of the costs of living in Barranquilla. All prices are in USD:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $500-2,000

• Hotel in Best Area: $1,000-2,500  

• Maid: usually included

• Grocery Store: $200-600

• Eating Out / Delivery: $300-600

• Gym: $25-50

• BJJ / MMA: $40

• Partying / Dating / Social: $200-1,000 

• Cell Data: $20

How Safe is Barranquilla?

Barranquilla is far from being the safest place on earth.

However, this is a city where the vast majority of the crime is relegated to the extreme southern sections of the metro area, especially outside Barranquilla city limits. 

I found the whole north part of the city to be super walkable at all hours, with no problems.

It's important to note that I was always stone sober when I did this. 

And, as always, be careful when you are out enjoying the city's nightlife and similar. Take all the usual precautions.

But overall…

The northern area of Barranquilla is quite safe if you take normal precautions and have an understanding of what scopolamine is.

The Dating Scene in Barranquilla 🇨🇴

The Caribbean coast of Colombia is a tough place for dating in general. Women in this area are called "rogadas" — or "hard-to-get"

Barranquilla, however, is not nearly as bad in this sense as its neighbors, Cartagena and Santa Marta. It really helps that it's not a tourist town at all. Also, people in Barranquilla are much more open and friendly than they are in those two other cities, which is probably corollary to the lack of tourists.

To be honest, Barranquilla is literally the opposite of Cartagena and Santa Marta when it comes to dating.

Here’s the thing…

Read more

And for good reason…

With its statistically-perfect climate, friendly locals, and amazing nightlife — Medellín has a lot to offer people. Not to mention the gorgeous mountains surrounding the city.

If you are an adventurous expat/digital nomad type, this is a great place to consider for an extended stay. Especially if you enjoy “networking” with other remote workers and travelers too.

Of course, nowhere on earth is paradise, and the city of Medellín definitely has its downsides.

With that in mind, let's take a deep dive into Medellín, aka the:

"City of Eternal Spring"

Medellín, Colombia 🇨🇴

People are often surprised at how modern and up-to-date Colombian cities are with their infrastructure. Medellín is probably the best example of this. You really don't feel like you're in the "third-world" at all here.

I'm also very happy to report that Medellín is a very clean and orderly city. The local residents take pride in keeping up the place's appearance, and it shows. 

It's also interesting that, despite not having any beaches near it, Medellín is now Colombian's No. 1 destination for international and domestic tourism, edging out Cartagena just recently. 

Population: 

• Core: 2.5 million

• Metro: 4 million

Medellín is a surprisingly suburb-oriented place. You don't find this dynamic much in Latin America.

About 2.5 million souls live within the actual Medellín city limits, with maybe another 1.5 million people living in the surrounding areas.

Some of these areas include places such as:

• Bello

• Poblado

• Laureles

• Envigado

• Sabaneta

• Itagüi

The city is essentially a long strip of land taking up a river valley that cuts through the mountains, running north to south. Neighborhoods extend up the hills on either side of this valley. 

As you might guess, people living in these hills are usually very poor or very rich!  

Weather: 

Locals love to brag about Medellín's weather. It's not hard to see why, looking at the climate data. 

They don’t call it the “City of Eternal Spring” for nothing!

There's not much else to say about this topic, except for to note that it does rain quite a bit here, from time to time:

To avoid rainy season in Medellin, skip April, May, September, and October. Outside of those months, you will get some rain — but it’s nothing to worry about.

With an average temperature of around 72°F year-around, the weather here is never too cold and rarely too hot.

Perfect.

Why Visit Medellín?

Lots of people have "voted with their feet" and decided to stay in the city of Medellín. This included bother foreigners and Colombians who have moved to the city from other parts of the country

Here are some of the reasons why:

• It has just about the best climate you can expect on Earth

• Incredibly friendly and hospitable people

• A well-organized and functional city with actually pretty great infrastructure — not what people expect out of Latin America at all

• Great amenities, including high-rise apartments, fast WiFi, etc.

• They are never not partying in Medellín 

We could go on and on here, but the reality is…

Medellin is popular with people from all around the world…for damn good reasons.

Getting to Medellin, Colombia 🇨🇴

While Medellin is not the major travel hub that Bogota is, the MDE airport is still quite easy to get to.

There are direct flights to and from 32 different cities in 11 different countries, including:

• USA

• Mexico

• Panama

• Ecuador

• Peru

• Chile

• Spain  

You won’t have any issue finding a flight, often direct, to get to Medellin.

More info here:

It's important to know that there are actually two different airports in the Medellín area.

The main one, MDE, is actually located east of the city, on the way to the municipality of Rionegro. Without traffic, it will take 40-45 minutes or so to get to your Medellín destination from here. With traffic, it could be two hours or more! 

If you're already in Colombia, some planes will also fly to Olaya Herrera airport (EOH), which is located in town. If you're traveling light enough, you can even get around Medellín's traffic by taking the metro out — it's only a 10-minute walk from this airport. 

You can take the bus to Medellin from other cities in Colombia, like Cali or Bogota.

This is NOT recommended, as the bus rides are 8-12+ hours long and don’t really save you that much money.

Plus, they go through the mountains and if you’re prone to getting sea-sickness, you may vomit cruising through the Colombian mountainside by bus.

Best Neighborhoods in Medellín 🇨🇴

This is where things get controversial. 

Conventional wisdom dictates that El Poblado is the best neighborhood in town: 

However, I personally recommend against staying right in El Poblado, or even more than a passing visit to Parque Lleras, which is where all the area's nightlife is concentrated.

The area is now positively overflowing with tourists, and also used to be a lot safer than it is now! 

Read more

After enjoying a lovely month in Barranquilla and a NOT so lovely week in Cartagena, I was off to Santa Marta.

Known for its beautiful beaches and nature, the city had recently started to become a backpacker hotspot.

For good reason.

Santa Marta, Colombia offered tons of things to do for your average red-blooded gringo looking to enjoy some fine Caribbean beaches and tourism.

Plus, the nightlife was acceptable.

The place wasn’t completely overrun with gringos yet.

Parque Tayrona was just a short boat ride away.

You could pop up to Minca for mountain vibes.

And if you’re feeling adventurous, there’s always the, “Ciudad Perida” hike — featuring 3-5 days hiking through the mountains near Santa Marta. Eventually, you end up here…

But, that’s NOT what we’re here to discuss today. Sadly ;(

This isn’t a post about tourism, sers.

No, today we shall learn about…

Donkeys in Colombia 🇨🇴

After getting acclimated in my Airbnb in downtown Santa Marta with my travel homie, we quickly went to work on the dating and mating apps.

Being hornt, vril mid-20s something bros, mating was almost always on my mind. So when I managed to set a date for the following afternoon, I was in good spirits.

The following afternoon, a lovely “Costeña” shows up to meet me at Parque de los Novios.

We walk around, grab one drink, and quickly beeline back to my apartment.

One thing leads to the next, and well, you can use your imagination, sers.

While I’m waiting to re-energize after “numero uno” with the girl, we’re just laying in bed talking.

Giggling.

Laughing.

It was during this time of pure bliss, I remembered my friend from Bogota and what he had said about the coast of Colombia…

“Bro, why on earth are you going to the coast?! Bogota is way better. Medellin is better. Cali is better. Plus…they fuck donkeys up there!”

I laughed, but brushed off the comment during the convo. The coast of Colombia has beaches, great nature, and good looking Latinas.

There was no way I wasn’t going.

But now I was relaxing with a real-life “Costeña” — born and raised in Santa Marta. I figured she would know the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about this topic.

I rolled over and looked at her with a smirk…

“Tengo una pregunta…” // I have a question…

She probably thought I was gonna ask for some kinky shit for round two, as her eyes lit up:

“Dime!” // Tell me!

I was playing with my rudimentary Spanish in my mind, trying to make sure the question would come out right…

“Pues, es verdad que en la costa los hombres les gustan…burras?!” // Well, is it true the men on the coast “like” donkeys?!

She started ROLLLLINNGGGGGG in laughter. Doubled-over. Tears of laughter.

I didn’t think it was that funny, as I was genuinely curious.

But went along and laughed a bit.

When she finally got control of the giggles, she looks at me…

“Puessss en Santa Marta o Barranquilla o Cartagena…de verdad, no.” // Well, in Santa Marta or Barranquilla or Cartagena…it is not true.

Ahhhh! My friend in Bogota was lying to me. Just being a dick because he hates people from the coast.

But then she continued…

“Pero SIIIII! Los hombres de los pueblos en la costa encantan hacerlo con burras.” // But YESSS! The men in the small towns on the coast love to make love with donkeys.”

She starts laughing again, then whips out her phone.

Between this insane revelation that grown men have sex with animals, my dogshit Spanish speaking ability, and post-coital bliss…

I’m confused at this point.

She’s on my side still giggling, while scrolling through her phone at breakneck speed.

She finally finds what she is looking for and blurts out…

“MIRA!” // LOOK!

I’m scared.

Terrified about what she’s going to show me on her phone…

“Mira, eso es un amigo de mi prima. El es de un pueblo cerca de aqui. Y pues, si el le gusta burras.” // Look, this is a friend of my cousin. He is from a small town close to here. And well, he does “like” donkeys.

She shows me her phone and it’s a video of some early-20s kid railing a donkey.

She literally had a saved video of someone making sweet love to a donkey…on her phone. In real time.

I shit you not.

We both start rolling in laughter, as I shove the phone away from my face and try to forget that disgusting video.

My Friend in Bogota Was NOT Lying…

A few hours later, the lovely “Costeña” leaves my apartment to head back home.

I immediately get on WhatsApp and write my friend in Bogota.

I tell him the whole story about how I thought he was lying about the donkeys, what the girl showed me, etc.

He is cracking up!

“Bro, how could I lie about something like that?! You can’t make something like that up.”

But I was still baffled.

So I did a quick Google search and turns out…

Yep, fucking donkeys is quite common in the small towns along the Caribbean coast of Colombia.

But don’t take my word for it…

Vice even did a story on it.

After that, you will hear about Santa Marta, Barranquilla, or maybe even Palomino way up in La Guajira.

In my mind, this is shameful.

This part of Colombia has a lot of interesting and beautiful places to explore.

And, of these, my absolute favorite is the, not well-known to most foreigners, city of — Valledupar, Colombia 🇨🇴

Valledupar, Colombia 🇨🇴

The city of Valledupar is the capital of the department of César. It's not actually on the coast, although it's considered to be part of the coastal region — the culture is similar all throughout those parts. 

Valledupar's main claim to fame is that it is the cradle of Vallenato music.

That's the accordion-heavy stuff you hear blaring from half of Colombia's speakers at any given time. Although, vallenato actually just started out with two guitars and vocals.

Pro-Tip: Mention old-school guitar-based vallenato with friends or on a date to impress the locals, as most Colombians don't even know anything about that subject. 

Valledupar surprised me the moment I landed at the airport. It has a beautiful colonial city center, great restaurants and nightlife, and a unique location that makes it a very interesting place to hang out, explore, and, of course, meet new people.

Population:

The last census count has the population of the city at 559,462 people.

If you count the surrounding areas, there are 691,266 souls in total living there. 

Nearly 700,000 people! That’s pretty big for a city NO gringos know about or go to.

Weather: 

Valledupar is one of the hotter and more humid places you can live. It will always be between 70-104 °F // 21-40 °C in this place. 

I'm posting the standard climate data here, but in my own experience, lately it's been significantly hotter than the chart shows: 

Depending on the time of year, the humidity in Valledupar will usually be around 60-70 percent, or from 80 percent up — the highest humidity is usually in the middle of the year there. 

Most people are going to want a place with AC to be able to sleep comfortably. Of course, your mileage may vary. People who like the climate in South Florida will fit right in here. 

Valledupar also gets a fair bit of clouds and rain compared to the cities further up north like Cartagena and Barranquilla, although not nearly as much as, say Bogotá or Manizales, or Colombia's Pacific coast.

A typical day here is partly cloudy, which will help break up the constant sun, which, as anywhere else in Colombia, is very strong. 

Why Visit Valledupar, Colombia?

There are plenty of great reasons to visit Valledupar: 

• The gorgeous city center

• The Sierra Nevada mountains - right next door!

• The great nightlife and dating scene

• The Festival de Vallenato, if in season

• The amazing people

The place is very underrated overall — but there’s reasons many gringos don’t go here.

For one, it’s pretty difficult to get to. Plus, it’s super hot and very rainy.

Getting to Valledupar 🇨🇴

Unless you are really resource-strapped at the time, you will almost certainly want to fly all the way into Valledupar.

The exception is if you are already somewhere on the Atlantic coast of Colombia, in which case going by land is fine. 

Connecting flights are not great, and the airport only receives flights from Medellin, Bogotá or Barranquilla — but saving the long transit times by road from Bogotá or Medellín is more than worth it. 

Learn more about flights here.

Going by land, you can leave after lunch from Cartagena, for example, and still catch a decent late dinner in Valledupar unless traffic is unusually horrible.

From the rest of the coast, it's even quicker. The roads aren't stellar, but they are decent, and it's one of few areas of Colombia that isn't landslide-prone — so that's a definite plus!

Best neighborhoods in Valledupar, Colombia 🇨🇴

In my way of seeing things, the best of the upscale neighborhoods to stay in in Valledupar is:

Barrio Villalba 

As the map shows, it's located in the north end of the city, right off the main drag called: Carrera 19.

It's also home to the Guatapurí Mall, which is, in my opinion, the nicest mall in town. 

Maybe the only thing negative about Villalba is that it is located on the very edge of the city. This is advantageous for going out to the countryside to hang out, but it increases travel times to the rest of the city, compared to somewhere more centrally located. 

You can also check out the following neighborhoods if, for whatever reason, you feel Villabla is not your style: 

• Lobalito

• Cañaguate

• Los Cortijos 

• Club House

• Casablanca

Club House would be specially ideal for someone who values peace and quiet. Los Cortijos is good for someone who wants to be closer to the center of the city. 

Staying right in the historical center is also a decent option, for those people who really like that colonial architecture. It will also be cheaper than the above-mentioned places. 

The only issue is that it, like Villalba, is kind of out of the way from the rest of the city. Also, it's not a very active place at night. 

Bad Neighborhoods in Valledupar 🇨🇴

These neighborhoods are generally to be avoided by most travelers, except for maybe the biggest thrill-seekers reading this:

• La Nevada

• Divino Niño 

• Manantial

• El Pescadito

• Zapatumano

As usual, if a girl or a new friend invites you here, it will probably be fine to go, especially during the day.

Also as usual, these neighborhoods offer nothing to you otherwise, so there's no reason to just go there and explore in the first place. Unlike places like Bogotá or Medellín, all the interesting stuff in Valledupar happens in the nicer areas. 

Places to Stay in Valledupar 🇨🇴

Airbnb in Valledupar is a great option.

There's always a lot on offering and, with monthly discounts, these can be a great deal! 

Just look…

Many of the above options are for bigger units, for those of you who like lots of living space.

There really is no reason to pay more than $1,000 USD a month on an Airbnb in Valledupar.

The option shown on the right, for $293 USD per month, is actually a budget hotel right outside the downtown area and a few blocks away from the colonial neighborhood.

This option is great for anybody who is on a budget, or just doesn't want to spend a lot on accommodations.

Or, this one is located spitting distance from Villalba, and still clocks in at under $700 a month. 

As far as hotels go…

The one I can recommend best is the Sonesta

It’s located right across from the mall in Villalba. This place, besides its prime location, offers all the amenities expected with the good international hotel chains. There is a good on-site restaurant, a beautiful outdoor pool, and the breakfast buffet is good enough for locals to pay to eat there on the weekends — although it's included with your stay. 

Another option which is almost as good at under half the price is Casa Lourdes

It’s just a few blocks away from the Sonesta. This place will run you around $750USD or so per month's stay. You will be missing the pool and the breakfast with this place, though. However, there is a jacuzzi. 

Typical Cost of Living in Valledupar, Colombia

This is a pretty cheap city.

You could easily live a great life here for a few months — for under $1,000 USD a month.

On the upper-end, $3,000 USD has you living like an absolute king here.

Here’s a cost breakdown:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $300-1,000

• Hotel in Best Area: $750-1,500

• Maid: $150-450

• Grocery Store: $150-300

• Eating Out / Delivery: $150-500

• Gym: $20

• BJJ / MMA: $20-30

• Partying / Dating / Social: $100-400

• Cell Data: $15

As you can see, you could get by for very cheap here — especially if you find an Airbnb and negotiate a longer stay price.

How Safe is Valledupar?

This is always a loaded question…

But here are some key takeaways on the subject of safety in Valledupar: 

• In my opinion, Valledupar is about average for safety, when you look at all of Latin America. This means that all standard precautions are in order. 

• Unscrupulous girls have been known to work the bars and clubs by spotting drunk guys and picking their pockets. Be especially mindful of this always when going out. I highly recommend having at least one local come with you to go out and party. 

• The locals tell me that Valledupar used to be a very safe place, but it has gotten worse lately. However, everybody in Colombia from everywhere in the country has been saying that for decades now, so take that with a grain of salt. 

Overall, Valledupar is safe enough for a gringo who speaks some Spanish to live safely for a few months — without many worries.

Just don’t flash cash and cause a scene.

If you can spend time in Bogota or Medellin without issues, you should be fine here.

Plus, there’s less “devil’s breath” here than other spots.

P.S: This is HOW you stay safe in LatAm!

Dating in Valledupar 🇨🇴

Valledupar is completely off the map for non-Colombians, much less non-Spanish speakers.

This is good news for you, dear adventurous reader! 

This means the novelty factor will work heavily in your favor here.

In fact, as long as your Spanish is decent and you start making local friends, you will probably have people trying to matchmake for you without even asking! 

Women in the coastal region of Colombia are usually famous for being "rogadas" — aka hard-to-get — but I'm happy to report that Valledupar is the one exception to the rule.

People here, especially the female populace, are warm and friendly, and generally not hard to get to know and/or date. 

A word of caution is in order here:

Valledupar is at the edge of many different indigenous areas. And, furthermore, you will find many of the most approachable girls to be from one of these cultures, heck, they may even approach you!

Please remember: the cultures these girls come from often have very different mentalities and values than those you may expect!

A lot of the mainstream "costeños" would absolutely refuse to date an indigenous girl.

I wouldn't go that far. I believe people should be judged as individuals, not as part of some group identity. However, it's worth mentioning, as more than one gringo — and even more than one Colombian — have gotten into bad situations due to some cultural misunderstanding with one of these girls. 

As always, when in doubt, there is always the option of walking away. Your next date is probably a day or less away, anyways!

Overall…

A Spanish-speaking gringo will have plenty of options here!

Nightlife in Valledupar, Colombia

One excellent aspect of hanging out in Valledupar is definitely its nightlife.

This is especially true for those of us who are trying to avoid the "tourist trap" bars.

Since, for 50+ weeks out of the year, there are very few tourists here, all the places are cool, have good vibes, and are unpretentious. Local flavor is the name of the game here. 

There are a few dozen spots to hang out in Valledupar, but I'm going to especially recommend two of them here. 

My first big recommend for hanging out in Valledupar is:

JRR

This place is eclectic and interesting as they come, and it's a magnet for the city's high society. 

The place actually started out as a liquor store in Medellín, but has since expanded to various cities. However, Valledupar is where it has caught on the most and has become the spot to see and be seen. Colombian music industry royalty can often be found hanging out here. 

Palenke Cultura Bar

This is another great option for a night out. This place is famous for its top-notch live music scene. While, of course, it's heavily focused on vallenato, all styles of music come through here. 

BJJ / MMA in Valledupar

While being a smaller city in Colombia, you can train here…

O'Tengu MMA club to me is the only serious option for MMA training in Valledupar. 

They offer integrated training systems in boxing, BJJ, Muay Thai and Olympic wrestling, combined with flexibility routines, calisthenics and functional training.

They are affiliated with the international MMA Federation, as well as a member of the Vendetta Muay Thai organization.

The monthly cost for this is $100,000 COP — or around $20 USD. The place is open during the week, and gives five classes per day, in the early morning or early evening hours. You have to reserve your spot in advance, though, as attendance is capped at 14 people per class. 

Boxing and MMA are pretty big on the Colombian coast, so prepared to be challenged heavily when sparring!

Things to Do in Valledupar 🇨🇴

Here’s the ting’ with Valledupar…

This is NOT a tourist destination for a reason. There’s just not a ton of stuff to do around here.

However, there’s a bit of nature outside the city for you to enjoy…

Guatapurí River

If you stay in Villalba or near it, you will be very close to this popular river destination. In minutes you can be splashing in the waters of the Guatapurí River!

This river starts underground, so by the time it pops up in the Valledupar area, the water is still very cool, which makes it a perfect escape from a hot afternoon in town. Groups of cute single women have also been known to congregate here from time to time. 

A word of caution:

The current of this river on most days is too strong to swim against, so don't try it. I did, like a fool, and wound up half a mile away from my friends and had to walk back!

Hiking

Valledupar is home to some truly world-class hiking.

This is due to its location at the foot of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. There are no shortage of trails to trek here. Heck, an adventurous expat or digital nomad could easily spend weeks exploring the surrounding area. 

How Important is it to Speak Spanish in Valledupar?

It is absolutely essential to have decent Spanish if you are planning to spend any time in Valledupar. 

Aside from the Vallenato Festival, this place isn't touristic at all. So the novelty factor foreigners have there comes at the price of very few people having any kind of English skills. 

Therefore, it's best to go there fully armed with the best Spanish you can possibly have. 

Pro-Tip: Keep in mind also, that people tend to pronounce their "s"'s as "h"'s here, or not pronounce them at all. The accent can throw some people off at first, especially if they aren't aware of this. 

This is how to actually learn Spanish…

How Long Should You Stay in Valledupar?

There is a very simple answer to this question. 

If you like the heat…

One week to one month.

If you don't like the heat…

Week, tops 

The Vallenato Festival

This festival  is definitely peak time in Valledupar for the year, and this year it's coming up quickly.

They have set the dates for April 26 through April 30 of 2023.

However, there's always approximately a week of celebrations and general craziness before the official start date. 

The event consists of parades, historical plays and massive concerts. But my personal favorite is the accordion and vocal battles that take place.

There are a bunch of tournaments with different categories, and people pit themselves against each other one-on-one to advance to the next level and hopefully claim a prize. The main categories are: professionals, amateurs, and the juvenile category. There is also a song competition, where they decide on the best unpublished song of the year. 

Also, each year they pick a historically important person in the world of vallenato music, and that becomes the theme of that year's Festival. 

Crowds can be pretty intense at this festival, and prices go way up for just about everything while it's going on.

However, I highly recommend catching this event if you can. It's fun, and it's a great place to meet new people, make new friends, and exponentially increase your dating opportunities in Valledupar. 

Valledupar, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

I will personally say this to you:

If you find yourself anywhere on the Colombian coast, you owe it to yourself to at least check out Valledupar as another option.

Personally, I think Valledupar has preserved a lot of the beauty of this region's culture which has been lost in many other places. 

The above may sound overly philosophical to you, but remember, the fact that Valledupar hasn't turned into a tourist trap translates into more and better dating options for you, dear reader! 

As usual, with Colombia, the more off the beaten path you go, the more you will be rewarded for it!

Pasto, Colombia is one of my favorite places in the world. 

I don't live there right now, and have never lived there long-term, but I may consider permanently basing there at some point in the future, because this place has a lot going for it. 

I also want to give a special shoutout to my friends at Streetmotion, Pasto's best motorbike shop, for helping me to write this article.

If you're a motorbike nut like I am and find yourself in Pasto, stop by — you will love it there!

Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

Just under 400,000 souls live within Pasto's city limits, with maybe another 80,000 or so people living within striking distance of the city. 

Weather: 

Pasto's climate is very similar to that of many other Latin American cities in tierra fría, such as Quito, Tunja and, of course, Bogotá. It's average elevation is less than 100 meters of that of Bogotá, so this is no surprise. 

Some people feel that the climate in Pasto is the same as that of Bogotá/Quito etc., others feel that it's colder, others a bit warmer. 

The truth is that the temperatures here are very similar to those other places.

However, Pasto gets slightly less rain on average. On the other hand, it tends to be a bit windier in Pasto, and the humidity is a tad higher, which definitely makes it feel cooler. 

For those of you who really like the heat, Pasto's climate may be a deal-breaker, especially for long-term stays. Others find this climate to be ideal. 

As always, be extremely careful about that sun in the middle of the day. The high elevation pushes you that much closer to those solar rays and the cooler temperatures make you underestimate just how strong they are. 

Why Visit Pasto?

• It's a bit of a "time warp" experience because it's such a traditional place

• Incredible human warmth and solidarity

• Absolutely no "gringo pricing" here

• Fantastic blend of cultures

• If you like the bohemian type of women, you have found your paradise here!

• The best carnival ever

Getting to Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴

As I hinted at before, Pasto is more than a bit out of the way, unfortunately. In fact, this is the only major downside to Pasto, getting there or getting out when you need to. 

This is a place to fly to, if at all possible, for many reasons. 

If you're already in Cartagena, Bogotá, Medellín or Cali, you're in luck, because you can get a direct flight there. 

The bad news is that flights to Pasto's airport, even from these four destinations, are strangely expensive.

You can expect to pay the same amount of money to fly to Pasto from these places as you could to fly all the way to Miami, which is 3-4x the distance, and has you crossing an international border. Unless you are really strapped for cash, however, I would recommend it. 

The airport is actually located just west of the town of Chachagüí, which is quite a ways from Pasto itself. You will have to either take a bus for $10,000 COP or just over $2 USD. More likely, hop into a taxi for $40,000 COP or just over $8 USD.

If you do decide to go by land, it's not undoable, but there are two big downsides to the trip…

Firstly, it's going to take at least 20 hours to get there from Bogotá or Medellín, or at least 12 hours from Cali. You may want to break up the trip from those first two cities and stay a bit in Cali. 

The roads range from excellent to pretty decent. However, the area from Popayán to the border of Nariño (the "department" where Pasto is located) takes you through Lower Cauca, which is, in most people's opinion, the absolute worst shithole in the whole country! 

If you are going by private transportation, plan to do this stretch during daylight hours, and do not deviate from the Panamerican Highway. 

Best Neighborhoods in Pasto 🇨🇴

The most upscale place in Pasto is the area surrounding Avenida de los Estudiantes.

This is where the affluent people in the city live, and people who have the money go to hang out and party. 

If you choose to stay here, you will be walking distance from a whole slew of great upscale clubs and restaurants. It's not cheap, though.

I was shocked to find out that many of the apartments in this area are worth $200,000 USD or more!

Apparently, people have been flocking to this area during the pandemic, probably getting away from the bigger cities, and this has driven prices way up. 

In general, anywhere north of the downtown area is nice. Specifically, north of the Plaza de Nariño is nice…

Downtown Pasto is decent, and has been improving steadily over the past decade or so, since the first time I visited. You can save money by staying there, and it's still convenient and you will have access to lots of fun stuff. 

In general, the further south you go in Pasto, the more sketch it gets.

Also, these southern areas are much more out of the way, and they really don't have much in the way of nightlife or anything fun to do, so there's really no point staying there. 

Places to Stay in Pasto 🇨🇴

The last time I was in Pasto, I stayed in this Airbnb, which is highly recommended, especially for the price.

It cost us a grand total of $25 USD a night, and it was a full-scale apartment. It sports two-bedrooms and a full kitchen and is in an amazing location, about a five-minute walk from the Panamerican highway and another three minutes or so to Av. de los Estudiantes.

This place is under $600 USD a month if you book for a whole month. 

In fact, the most expensive monthly Airbnb available right now is still only $707 USD.

$450-550 seems to be an average to stay in an Airbnb per month in Pasto. 

Just keep in mind that, if you want to be in Pasto during Carnival, you will have to pay at least twice this amount for around two weeks or so — it's SO worth it, though. 

With hotels, however, you can get a lot more basic and cheaper accommodations, and also a lot more fancy accommodations, with the expected amenities. 

For absolute ballers who want to go all-out on a fancy hotel in Pasto, the Hotel V1501 is the place.

This will put you right on Av. de los Estudiantes, and, in fact, the hotel's bar, lounge and restaurant are hot spots for the locals. This means that, every night, you have the choice of just staying on the property, and the Pasto scene will come to you. 

Of course, this means you will be spending $2000 USD a month or more on accommodations alone, depending on the time of year. 

Typical Cost of Living in Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴

This place can be exceptionally cheap — depending on where you stay and how fancy it is.

Here’s a breakdown of the cost of living in this wonderful city:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $500

• Hotel in Best Area: $1,200-2,000

• Grocery Store: $150

• Eating Out / Delivery: $250

• Gym: $15

• BJJ / MMA: $30

• Partying / Dating / Social: $300

• Cell Data: $12

How Safe is Pasto?

Pasto is a pretty safe city by most standards, but it still has its share of ghetto if you go far enough south! 

The locals, called Pastusos, are very community-minded and do not tolerate crime within their city. Because of this, rates of street crime are pretty low there, although bad things can still go down if you don't take sensible precautions.

True story:

Somebody tried to rob my girlfriend and me while we were attending a parade during carnival. A group of guys threw flour in our faces and one of them tried to pick my pocket. The locals quickly reacted and grabbed the pickpocket, forcibly detaining him until the police arrived. I found the two credit cards the thief had managed to lift out of my (zippered) pocket on the ground next to him. 

Based on that experience, I can say you are safer in Pasto than you are in pretty much anywhere else in LatAm! 

Dating Scene in Pasto 🇨🇴

There are lots of positives — and a few negatives — when dating in Pasto. 

The big positive is that, unlike many other Latin American cities, you are likely to be the only foreigner here.

Even during Carnival, when the city fills up with tourists, it's mostly Ecuadorans and other Colombians. The fact that it's so off-the-radar is, in my opinion, part of this city's charm and beauty. 

Speaking of beauty, you may hear other Colombians joke about women in Pasto being ugly. From my experience, this is far from the truth. The truth is, you are not likely to find the typical silicone-infused mamacitas you would find all over Cali or Medellín, for example.

But once again, I don't see this at all as a bad thing! 

Women in Pasto are unique!

They don't look like clones of each other, and you can find a lot of variety here in Pasto. I also found people in general in Pasto to be among the most intelligent and cultured people in Colombia, and in all of Latin America in general. 

As with anything, your own mileage may vary. 

I've written here about many Colombian cities now, and talked about how easy it is to meet people in many different Colombian towns and cities. Pasto is absolutely not the exception to the rule here.

This is yet another place in Colombia where the ice almost breaks itself and strangers quickly turn into friends. 

I would, however, recommend you read up on Pasto and its culture and history, and Colombia in general, before plunging into the Pasto dating scene. The women here are educated and well-spoken and they will expect the same from you. Your chances may be reduced on the dating market here if you don't have good conversation skills.

On the other hand, as a gringo who knows something and genuinely cares about the city and its traditions, local women are likely to be blown away by your respect for their culture. 

Nightlife in Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴

Pasto, despite being this quaint traditional town way up in the mountains, knows how to party!

I'm also happy to report that, over the years, Pasto's nightlife has improved tremendously, and is only getting better, even as I write this!

Here are some of my top picks for Pasto in 2023:

• Vanguardia: a very popular gourmet restaurant that stays open for parties most nights after dinner.

• Figo: similar to Vanguardia, an Italian joint that gets poppin' in the basement after you finish your dessert!  

• Absalon: the city's top spot to get your rock n' roll on, and maybe meet that rocker lady of your dreams.

• Terraza Bar: which is more of a bottle-service VIP type of joint, which brings in live acts on the weekends. Many of the locals find Terraza too pretentious for their tastes, but obviously many more love it there despite the high prices. This place sometimes packs to the gills.

• 15-37: Pasto's largest-capacity night spot. It serves as a disco, an upscale cocktail bar, and a live performance spot on occasion as well.  

BJJ / MMA in Pasto

Good news for people who like to train:

There is a legit MMA dojo in Pasto! 

In Galeras BJJ, they offer different packages depending on how often you want to go in.

For three days a week, they charge 100,000 (around $20 USD). They charge 150,000 (or around $30 USD) for six-day-a-week access. 

Carnival in Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴

This is absolutely my favorite carnival of all time, full stop! 

Pro-tip:

The main days are actually January 3rd through the 7th, but the whole thing actually runs from December 28th to January 10th every year. 

Final rehearsals for the events start on the 28th, along with free concerts all over the city.

Each day, a different style of music is featured, through January 2nd. 

January 3rd is "carnavalito" day, with a children's and adolescent's parade. This is also the day the different singing, chanting and dancing musical groups called "comparsas" have their big competition. The top two competitors are included in the Great Parade on January 6th. 

January 4th is the theme day, where there's a special parade with historical and cultural themes. 

The carnival's official name is actually "Black and White" carnival, and January is "black" day. There is no parade this day, but tons of live music in the city's two main plazas. 

The whole carnival season, people throw powder and spray foam at each other, but the level of this goes into hyper mode on January 6th, "white" day. In addition, the Great Parade takes place, which is mainly about the floats people have worked all year on: 

After that, things start to wind down, but there are things like gastronomical festivals, sometimes held out of town.

When we were in town they had a trout festival at the Laguna de la Cocha, mentioned further down in this article.

What Else is There to Do in Pasto?

Surprisingly, this small city packs a punch with regards to tourism…

La Laguna de la Cocha

This is the most common paseo people go on starting from Pasto. Without traffic, it's under a 30 minute drive. With traffic it can be three or four times that long, so plan ahead! 

This place is known as the "Venice of Latin America" — and really is like a mini-Venice in the middle of nowhere.

They have a whole small town that lives right in the middle of the lagoon, and gets around by canoe on a system of canals. It is nothing short of gorgeous, and despite being touristic, it's not very expensive at all. Highly recommended for a day trip, especially a date day trip!

Las Lajas Cathedral

This cathedral regularly makes lists of the most gorgeous churches in the world, and, combined with the surrounding gorge, is truly breathtaking!

This place is really on the outskirts of Ipiales, and is almost a two-hour drive from Pasto, no matter how you slice it. It's definitely worth doing at least once, however. 

The Galeras Volcano

If you've always wanted to get up close and personal with an active volcano, you have a chance to do it in Pasto!

The city of Pasto sits in the shadow of this beast, and excursions are available. Make sure your cardio is good before you go, as this is considered an expert-level trek up the hill and back down again. 

Sometimes, this path is partially or completely closed, depending on the mood of the volcano. If you can't go on a given day, be patient. Whole excursions have been wiped out here by flare-ups from the volcano, so now they err on the side of caution.

How important is it to speak Spanish in Pasto?

You've probably already figured it out by now if you're still with me here. Spanish is very important in the city of Pasto. 

Remember, you're going to a super-remote area here. And, while Pasto is a city, it's a smaller one. Combine that with the fact that, as was mentioned before, most tourists to Pasto are other Spanish-speakers. 

Definitely get your Spanish as good as possible before venturing into Pasto. 

P.S: How to *Actually* Learn Spanish.

How Long Should You Stay in Pasto?

One week to two months or more.

Let's break that down a bit further: 

If you aren't good with Pasto's climate, probably a week is a good cutoff point before you go crazy. That will give you enough time to get to know the city and satisfy your curiosity. 

If you like the climate and like it there, then it's definitely worth staying a month, two months or more. 

If you don't mind being in such a remote location, it's not an unreasonable option to base in Pasto long-term. The Internet in Pasto is of good quality, as is infrastructure.

Also, the city is big enough to keep you entertained for a long time, and there are tons of things to do in the general area as well.  

Other Notes…

• The first time I ever visited Pasto, I stayed in a hotel, and the guy at the front desk didn't take any of my info and didn't charge me until I left. That level of trust is rare these days anywhere!

• People in Pasto actually eat guinea pig (called cuy locally) as a staple of their diet. There are even chains of restaurants that specialize in this dish. The dish is popular all over southern Colombia and northern Ecuador. 

• The running joke about people in Pasto is that they are not too bright, although personally I think that the stereotype is totally false. But the ironic thing is that the Pastusos have embraced the jokes made about them, to the point where they actually have a yearly festival in Pasto where people get together and exchange these jokes! 

• The border with Ecuador is about two hours away from Pasto, and it's semi-porous. If you just want to do a day trip to the first few towns in Ecuador, you can just go across the border and back without even having to get in line!

Pasto, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

Pasto is a city that has really captured my heart in more ways than one.

It might just do the same for you. I do recognize that no place is ideal for everyone, though. 

Avoid Pasto if: 

• You like the heat and don't like cooler climates

• You like sleek modern places

• You are really after the typical "Barbie" look of women in other parts of Colombia

Don't miss Pasto if: 

• You love a place with lots of culture and history

• You love being up in the mountains

• You like bohemian-looking girls

• You hate the heat

• You like old-school places where everybody still knows all their neighbors and everybody looks out for each other

This “hidden gem” is nestled in the heart of Boyacá, a department in Colombia that is renowned for its rich culture, natural beauty, and adventurous spirit. 

As an avid traveler searching for the lesser known “shithole” towns, I can tell you firsthand that this town has a lot to offer.

Buckle Up! There’s a lot to uncover here.

Guest post by: Sean Hall

Sogamoso, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population: 

131,000

Weather: 

Sogamoso is known for its cold climate, with temperatures ranging from 10°C to 22°C — or 47°F to 72°F. However, the weather is comfortable year-round, with January being the warmest month.

It rains a good bit but nothing too out of the ordinary:

Why Visit Sogamoso, Colombia?

If you’re subscribed to Jake Nomada’s newsletter, then you must be in constant search for that “gringo-less city” that you can be at peace living with your Colombiana or three — not worried about hearing those ear-bleeding gringo conversations about politics…

Well good sers, Sogamoso is the spot to be.

A true Colombian town where you’re fully immersed in the culture and beautiful surrounding towns to visit.

The locals of Sogamoso are some of the kindest people I’ve met, as you truly get that local authentic vibe from this town. Everyone kinda knows everyone and with very little gringos coming here, the locals are super welcoming to you.

The best part of Sogamoso is the endless excursions and activities you can do in and out of the city.

From Iza to Paipa to Duitama to Nobsa, you’ll get a true feel of what life is like outside the touristy cities of Colombia. Complete opposite feels of Bogota or Medellin and there’s just something so inviting about small towns like Sogamoso.

How to Get to Sogamoso 🇨🇴

Getting to Sogamoso is easy, with a couple options available…

Bus from Bogota:

You can take a bus from Bogota, which takes approximately 3.5 hours and costs around $8.

Flight from Medellin:

If you're coming from Medellin, you can take a 1 hour flight to Paipa and then take a 40 minute bus to Sogamoso, which takes about 40 minutes. The whole trip will run you about $30 total if you can find good deal on the flight.

Best Neighborhoods in Sogamoso

The center of Sogamoso is the most active area, with plenty of shops, restaurants, and bars.

As long as you stay around Plaza de la Villa or Plaza 6 De Septiembre you’re set… 

No need to overcomplicate this, as it’s a small town and there’s only a couple areas you’ll really want to stay.

Where to Stay in Sogamoso, Colombia 🇨🇴

When it comes to accommodation in Sogamoso, you have several options available.

You can rent an apartment in the best area for around $300 USD per month: 

• Airbnb ~ $225 a month

• AirbnB ~ $300 a month

If you prefer a hotel stay, expect to pay more here.

While there’s a range of options, the best hotel is Hotel Sogamoso Real — which will run you $45 a night.

• Hotel Sogamoso Real

Cost Of Living in Sogamoso 🇨🇴

This small Colombian city is exceptionally affordable. Prices in USD on a monthly spend…

• Airbnb: $200-$400

• Maid: $300-$400

• Grocery Store: $100-$300

• Eating Out/Delivery: $200-$400

• Gym: $16-$20

• Partying / Dating / Social: $60-$120

• Cell Data: $12-$15

Do note…

Uber is not available in Sogamoso. Taxis are much more common and expect to pay around $2 for a ride within the city or $5 for a ride outside the city.

Is Sogamoso Safe?

One of the biggest concerns when traveling to a new place is safety, and Sogamoso is no exception.

I can tell you that Sogamoso is a safe place to visit.

As with any city in Latin America, you must exercise caution and use common sense.

As the Colombians say “Don’t Give Papaya” or in other words, don't leave your belongings unattended or show off your valuables. But overall, you don't see high crime or robberies here.

One important thing to keep in mind is that taxis are the primary mode of transportation in Sogamoso, as there is no Uber here. Taxis are generally safe to use, but make sure you take official taxis and negotiate the price before getting in.

And if you're traveling alone at night, it's always a good idea to be cautious.

Dating in Sogamoso, Colombia 🇨🇴

If you're single, Sogamoso might not be the liveliest place for dating.

However, there are still plenty of opportunities to meet new people and have fun. When you're dating in Sogamoso, you'll likely go to little towns outside of Sogamoso or some restaurants in the city.

Dating apps are not widely used here, but you can still use Tinder to meet people.

However, you may not find high-quality matches on the app. Instagram can be a better tool for meeting new people. You'll likely find that Sogamoseñas will invite you to a somewhat expensive restaurant in a town like Mongui or Iza. Because the weather is cold, you can enjoy a cup of coffee together and see the architecture while walking around. Dessert is also a typical part of the date, as from my experience the girls here have sweet tooth’s.

If you're interested in catching a movie, Cinelandia in the Iwoka Mall is the best option. Brush up on your Spanish though because all the movies will be in spanish with no subtitles.

Nightlife in Sogamoso 🇨🇴

If you enjoy your wild weekend night out, you'll be pleased to know that there are plenty of options for nightlife in Sogamoso. 

The best way to start your night is to head to a bar to drink cervezas with the locals. 

Then, head to a club like Clocks or Garden Backyard.

Both are great options for dancing to reggaeton, electronic, salsa, bachata, merengue, and sometimes champeta, salsa choque — but ALWAYS reggaeton. Sometimes you might hear vallenato or música de despecho, depending on the DJ.

Keep in mind, Sogamoseños can drink their asses off.

After the disco if you’re still feeling it, you can go to an afterparty at a club until the wee hours of the morning. Or, you can visit a local tienda, where you can sit and drink with locals. 

After a long night of clubbing, you can head to El Taxista or Punto Rojo to eat drunk food.

If you're not into big crowds or partying, you can also play “Bollirana” at La Boutique. "Bollirana” is a little metal ball throwing game.

They have machines set up and you try to score the most points by tossing these balls into the holes of the machine shown below. Or try your hand at Colombia’s national sport Tejo.

BJJ / MMA in Sogamoso, Colombia

BJJ or martial arts aren’t too popular in Sogamoso, but I did find one spot on Google. Never been here personally but it’s gotten good reviews.

It’s called: Academia de Capoeria & BJJ Sogamoso

Cool Tings’ to Do

First off, you gotta check out the towns Iza, Mongui, Paipa, Tibasosa, Aquitania, and Curitiba.

These towns are just a short trip away and are what you’d expect from little towns in Colombia: Vibrant in colors! 

IZA

Mongui

Paipa

Another dope excursion is to hit up the hot springs in Iza or Paipa for some real relaxation vibes…

If you're into museums, you gotta check out the Museo Arqueologico de Sogamoso too…

But that's not all, good sers. You can go to Tota Lake or Sochagota Lake for some nice time by the water. 

They offer amazing camping options and Tota Lake is the second largest lake in Colombia.

So it's can’t miss around this city… 

And if you're feeling up for it, hit up the paramo ecosystem for some epic trekking and camping.

This is one of the only places in the world where you can experience a paramo ecosystem, so you don't want to miss it…

Do You Need to Speak Spanish in Sogamoso?

Look, I’m gonna be blunt with y’all, you need to speak Spanish here.

Point. Blank. Period.

I’ve barely met any English speakers here, but don't worry too much about it. 

The locals are friendly as hell, and they'll be excited to see some foreigners in their town. Use google translate if needed.

Here’s how to actually learn Spanish before your trip.

Recommended Length of Stay

If you want to see everything that Sogamoso and the surrounding areas have to offer, I recommend staying for at least a week. 

But if you really want to get the full experience and check out places like Raquira, Villa de Leyva, and Tunja, you might want to consider staying up to a month.

Other Notes…

Now, this city is known as the "City of Sun and Iron" for a reason.

It may be small, but it's industrial as hell and can get a little polluted. But don't let that stop you from having a true rural experience in Colombia. You’ll be seeing lots of horses, cows, roosters and pups on the street.

Another plus, there are literally zero gringos here.

Sogamoso, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

Overall, Sogamoso is a must-visit spot in Colombia — but ONLY if you’re the type of person who’s into rural and relax style of travel.

Sogamoso is a perfect mix of shithole and adventure.

With so many cool things to do, amazing food, and welcoming locals, you won't regret making the trip.  It’s not a great starter city for your Colombian travels, but I’d highly recommend it to the intermediate traveler who wants to break off the touristy path and into a city of true culture.

I had been invited by a close friend who I used to date, and finally took her up on the invitation. She had been studying in Bogotá and had moved back to Mocoa to start her own business.

I had no idea what to expect, but was thinking I would be coming to a rough-and-ready run-down jungle town.

I was right about the jungle part. Otherwise, boy, was I wrong! 

Mocoa, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

Approximately 56,000 people live in Mocoa. Being so small, it almost doesn't really have suburbs or outlying towns.   

Weather: 

When you are in Mocoa, you are definitely in the jungle, and you can feel it!

The climate here isn't very hot in terms of degrees, but the humidity is consistently above 80%. And, of course, the sun almost couldn't be stronger, because of how close you are to the equator. 

Mocoa, like a lot of the rest of Colombia, also sees a good deal of rain. The good news, though, is that the rain comes down hard but doesn't last very long. 

For people who like the weather in Florida, for example, Mocoa won't be a problem at all. For the rest of us, we can just seek shade during the early afternoon hours and we'll be fine. 

Why Visit Mocoa?

This small city, or large town, has a lot going for it…

• It's quickly turning into a boutique town, with lots of amazing restaurants, shopping etc.

• It has tons of things to do in and around town

• It's incredibly friendly

• It's quite cheap, even by Colombian standards

• The women here are exotic and beautiful

How to Get to Mocoa

The trip to Mocoa may be something everybody should do in their life. Be prepared, however, getting there (really, getting anywhere in the south of Colombia) is far from easy. 

As you can see by the map below, it's more than a bit out of the way:

As is almost always the case, you can either go by land or by air.

By Air:

You will save a lot of travel time by flying, this is true. But there are several disadvantages to flying into Mocoa. 

Only one airport (BOG) connects directly with Mocoa, and there's a pretty limited schedule.

In addition, flights to Mocoa are surprisingly expensive, often costing $500-600 USD or more each way. 

As if this weren't enough, you will be flying in an uncomfortable small plane and landing in a tiny regional airport. Also, because of this, your baggage allowance may be next to nothing, depending on circumstances.For this reason, if you do choose to fly to Mocoa, check the airline's baggage policy very carefully!

And, finally, the airport is actually in Villa Garzón, which is at least half an hour's drive away from Mocoa. 

By Land: 

Most Colombians choose this route, despite the many downsides. This would be my preferred way of going to Mocoa also, believe it or not. There's one very important caveat to this, however. 

Starting from Bogotá, Medellín or Cali (or almost any other point in Colombia), you have two ways to get to Mocoa. One of them is through Huila, the other is to take the Panamerican down to Pasto and then go to Mocoa from there. 

I highly recommend that you take the Huila route and AVOID the road between Pasto and Mocoa, which is locally known as "the highway of death" or "the devil's trampoline." This stretch of road is about 80 miles long, and the half of it closest to Mocoa is one of the statistically most dangerous roads in the world! 

Despite not being heavily transited at all, it has claimed over 2000 lives since it opened in the year 1930.

If you want to see it on video, check it out over here. 

If you're a hardcore thrill-seeker and a big fan of extreme adrenaline, you will not be disappointed if you choose this route!

Your other choice is the Huila route. It's still far from perfect, although they are working like hell to make it better. The worst part, once again, is the part closest to Mocoa, of which some sections are still not paved. There's no sheer 2-mile drop into the abyss anywhere on this road, though.

Going by Huila leads you through a lot of gorgeous scenery and cool small towns. It's also a bit shorter in both distance and time than the other route, and it avoids going through Lower Cauca, which is probably my least favorite part of the country.

The total trip will take you 13 to 14 hours if you go on a bus, and will cost around $13-36 USD, depending on the season.

Best Neighborhoods in Mocoa 🇨🇴

Right now in Mocoa, the absolute best place to live is the:

Ciudadela Universitaria 

Mocoa, as you can imagine by its size, is a very walkable city. Ciudadela Universitaria puts you right in the middle of it; you can get to downtown or to the best restaurants and clubs very easily by walking if you stay here.

Honorable mentions go to El Peñón and Huasipanga, which used to be the best neighborhoods in town. As of the time of this writing, Ciudadela Universitaria has edged slightly ahead of them. 

The Ghetto in Mocoa

Honestly, 80 to 90 percent of Mocoa has a real middle class feeling. Even the upscale neighborhoods don't feel super opulent, as they might in a bigger city. 

Having said that, there are a couple places where all but the most intrepid of you will want to avoid.

These are San Miguel and Independencia. 

Both of these neighborhoods were abandoned after a massive mudslide in 2017, and are now full of squatters. 

Places to Stay in Mocoa 🇨🇴

For a small town, you actually have a few decent options here…

Hotels

Mocoa, for a place with such a small population, is very well decked out with lots of amazing hotels. I'm going to highlight three of them here, although there are dozens of good options.

A great mid-budget option is the Hotel Samay.

It's listed as a three-star hotel, but, like many hotels in Colombia, a three-star has a big four-star feel to it. The rooms on high floors have great views of the city, the surrounding gardens, and the mountains. There's also a beautiful rooftop terrace and an excellent in-house restaurant which serves a tasty breakfast which is free for guests.

The nicest option is the Hotel Suma Wasi.

This hotel is a resort type place, and it's located slightly out of city limits. 

The Suma Wasi is a great option for expats who really want to get away from the noise and bustle of town, but don't want to be in the middle of nowhere. Unless you are there right during Carnival, there is no reason to pay more than around $300,000 COP ($60 USD) per night in this place.

Where I actually stayed, however, was a more budget-minded place called the Luis Ángel Hotel. 

I got a basic, and spotlessly clean, room with AC for $60,000 COP, or around $12-13 USD, a night. I did this mainly because of its location.

AirBnB's

I'm a big fan of AirBnb's in general, but Mocoa is more of a hotel-based place for short-term stays, probably due to its size. 

In fact, many of the options shown below are actually hotels that just advertise on AirBnB. The $1256 per month option is actually for the Hotel Suma Wasi, as mentioned above. This is, naturally, in low season, but it shows how deep a discount you can get for extended stays.

The prices shown above are for a month's rent, so, excluding hotels, you can get an Airbnb for anywhere from $166 USD to $774 USD per month.

Naturally, the $774 option is super spacious and has access to a gorgeous pool. 

Typical Costs of Living in Mocoa 🇨🇴

You can live a great life here for dirt cheap on a monthly basis. However, not necessarily recommended to stay for a month.

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $600

• Hotel in Best Area: $600

• Grocery Store: $150

• Eating Out / Delivery: $250

• Gym: $10

• BJJ / MMA: $20

• Partying / Dating / Social: $250

• Cell Data: $12

All prices are in USD and based on a month-long stay.

How Safe is Mocoa, Colombia?

This is a good question, and if you ask 50 people in Mocoa, you will probably get 50 different answers. 

Some people will say that Mocoa is perfectly safe, others will claim it's perfectly dangerous, and you can't walk anywhere at any time of day even in the best neighborhoods.

I know that last one is not true, because I did it myself several times, and didn't see anything even slightly sketchy the whole time.

I'm firmly of the opinion that Mocoa is quite safe, and is among the safest places you can be in Colombia.

Most of the locals I know there don't think twice about having to go across town on foot at night. 

Dating in Mocoa 🇨🇴

The one negative side to dating in Mocoa is that there is a surprising amount of tourists and foreigners hanging around this town. This is especially shocking considering how difficult it is just to get to Mocoa! 

However, I don't see this as a major impediment to successfully dating in Mocoa. In fact, I couldn't go more than about half an hour without getting stared at from some girl while I was there! This is despite the fact that it's not hard to bump into other foreigners. 

In addition, people are just about as easy to meet and talk to as they possibly could be. People in Mocoa are incredibly open and friendly. There often is no "ice" to break whatsoever. 

People in this part of the country are famous for being real adventurers, as well. They tend to have a strong wild and rebellious streak in them. Since you're not a local, this gives you a big advantage when dating. 

Women here are also drop-dead gorgeous, on average. Really. You will encounter head-turning beauty here almost non-stop. They are beautiful in a very interesting and exotic way, as well. 

Nightlife in Mocoa, Colombia

For such a small town, this place is actually pretty decent at night…

Restaurants

For traditional food home to the region, check out Amazónico.

It's a bit pricey, especially by Mocoa standards. The food is top-notch though, and if you go to Mocoa, you should eat there at least once to get the full experience.

Smoked food is, for some reason, all the rage in this part of the country.

You can find it at every second street vendor, but if you want the best smoked meats and fish in Mocoa, head out to Al Humo.

I liked this place at least as much as Amazónico, and it's less expensive as well. 

Nightclubs

I could easily list dozens of nightspots in Mocoa, but I'll just highlight two great spots to hang out at night in Mocoa.

The first is Regal Disco Bar.

Despite the name, this place has a wide variety of music and different events. Because of this, you can do this place multiple times, and each time the experience will be different. 

Another nice upscale place to chill and enjoy a tropical cocktail or two is the Amaretto Coctel Bar.

Located just off the main drag and just out of downtown, right around the corner from Regal actually. 

BJJ / MMA in Mocoa

There honestly isn't any real BJJ or MMA action in Mocoa. 

There is one place where you can take Tae Kwon Do or boxing classes. 80,000 COP (around $16-18 USD) will allow you unlimited access for a month of classes here.

Things to Do in Mocoa, Colombia 🇨🇴

Mocoa's strongest point is, without a doubt, its surrounding area.

While cities like Villavicencio have a really nice surrounding area, Mocoa's is nothing short of spectacular. 

The favorite thing to do in Mocoa is to go to many of the town's surrounding waterfalls. In fact, this could be considered by many to be the peak Mocoa dating experience.

Here are some of the best examples… 

The first and most famous of these is "El Fin del Mundo"

This one is almost an hour hike back and forth from the nearest road, but it's also the most breathtaking: 

Another one is the Samawe falls.

This one is easily accessible by vehicle, and even has an adjoining hotel: 

The area also has tons of world-class hiking.

One very popular trail takes visitors through the Mandiyaco Canyon: 

Mocoa's surrounding jungle also has a god-tier butterfly preserve, called the Mariposario Paway:

Do You Need to Speak Spanish in Mocoa?

I would say it's essential to speak Spanish if you go to Mocoa. 

While, as I mentioned above, tourism is starting to boom here, there's a lot you will miss out on if you don't speak good Spanish. Also see above the example of the price difference between booking some of the hotels over the internet, or calling in and booking them. 

It's also important to point out that a lot of the gorgeous local girls may have zero English, so without any Spanish, they will be borderline unapproachable. 

Let's face it, guys...Google Translate is a bit of a “rubber crutch” in many ways. Work that Spanish hard if you're going to make Mocoa a destination. I really think this should apply to anywhere in Latin America, but especially in a smaller out-of-the-way place.

Here’s how to actually learn Spanish before your trip.

How Long Should You Stay in Mocoa, Colombia?

One to two weeks.

While I truly love this place, I don't think it's going to be worth staying longer than this amount of time. 

There may be two main exceptions to this rule. One would be if you really want to explore the surrounding area to the maximum, which would extend the recommended stay to a month or more. Also, if you are a digital nomad with a heavy workload, it could take you a month or two to see everything because of your schedule. 

The other exception is if you really vibe with a girl. This could theoretically extend your stay indefinitely. Be warned, however…

Colombians say "pueblo pequeño, infierno grande," which means "small town, big hell" in English! 

Because of its small size, it's probably not a great idea to plan a super-extended stay in Mocoa.

Other Notes…

• Many tourists come to Mocoa to consume yagé, otherwise known as ayahuasca. 

• There is an indigenous reserve located near Mocoa, but the people on the reserve aren't always welcoming of outsiders. Also, the road to get there is in absolutely horrible condition. I recommend against going there.

• The town's carnival runs from December 28th through around January 10th. This is party time in the city, although carnival in Pasto absolutely fades it. 

• December and January are the best months to do to Mocoa if you are big on dating, because a lot of the city's college-age people study elsewhere in Colombia.

Mocoa, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

Mocoa isn't for long-term stays in most cases,  in my opinion. I have made that clear above. But it would also be a shame if you are an expat and are working your way through Colombia and you don't have this place on the itinerary. 

It may be quite a difficult place to get to, but it's absolutely worth it. I can almost guarantee that, if you go there, you won't regret it. 

The surprisingly good city amenities are one reason you can't miss this place. Also, the absolutely gorgeous surrounding area will not disappoint. Combine this with a great dating scene, and you can see why I recommend Mocoa.

It's located right at the end of the mountains going down south and east from Bogotá and the start of los llanos, a huge plain which crosses over to Venezuela and continues all the way to the ocean.

It's a unique place in many ways, because of its location on the map, but also because it is part of a cross-border culture which in itself is unique in the world. It's also a city which embraces a very rural culture — which is also kind of weird. 

Villavicencio is a city of crazy contradictions. Honestly, I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the place. You, on the other hand may either absolutely hate it. Or you may find it to be paradise on earth, depending on what you're looking for. 

Keep reading to find out if Villavicencio, or "Villao" as the locals call it, is a good fit for you.

Villavicencio, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

The urban area of Villavicencio has just over 500,000 people living in it, but in the outlying areas (talked about more below), there are an additional 200,000 people living there.

This makes it a smallish city, but, of course, that doesn't even begin to describe things. Villavicencio in some ways feels like a big city, and in other ways it feels like a real small town in the middle of nowhere. And this can change in a heartbeat!

Climate and Topography:

The climate in Villao is definitely on the hotter side. To get a better idea, it has almost never dropped below 20 °C (68 °F) in this city. Generally it will be from 20-23 °C just before the sun comes up, in fact (68-74 °F). 

From there, things can really heat up! A hot afternoon can see highs of around 35 °C (95 °F), easily. If it's really sunny, it can even go up from there. The highest temperature recorded there was almost 40 °C (104 °F). 

The humidity is usually between 70-80% — which means it's slightly elevated, but it's not like being in a steam bath all the time, so that's good news for most! 

Like everywhere else in Colombia, you're near the equator, so that sun is strong!

Take all the necessary precautions just like you would anywhere else in Colombia. Also typical for Colombia is how much it rains in old Villao.

It rains around 230 days out of the year.

Once again, there is some good news, though. The rain usually doesn't last for very long. But, in this part of the world, the rain can really come down hard — "like nails" — as they say in Colombia. 

Villao is surrounded by mountains to the north and west — some of its suburbs are located there. In the other directions starts the great expanse of the plains, prairies, savannah, or whatever you want to call it in the English language. 

Overall, if you like hot and humid weather with a ton of rain, you might love this city.

If you prefer a cool climate with less rain, this city sucks.

Getting to Villavicencio 🇨🇴

The city does have an airport, but it's a tiny regional airport. There's not many options to fly here, and they are very expensive, like usually on the order of going all the way to Miami from Colombia.

There are direct flights from Bogotá, Medellín, Cali, and Pereira — but mostly the airport serves as a regional hub to get to the remote areas further east. 

If you have the money, it works with your schedule, and you're in Medellín, Cali, or Pereira — and not carrying a lot of luggage because these are small milk-run planes — it may be worth flying in.

More flight information here.

Most of the time, though, you'll want to go to Bogotá and then continue on by land. Bus or a rental car work here.

The Vía al Llano is a lot better than it was 30 years ago, or even 10 years ago, but it's still not the easiest road to travel. It's in good condition, and it's under constant improvement, but you have to cross some really difficult terrain. 

Parts of it are now a modern divided highway, and there are tons of bridges and tunnels which help these days, but there's a big part starting just after you leave Bogotá and going for a good 25 miles or so, that's still a little two-lane mountain road that gets jammed with traffic at times. The area is also super prone to landslides and other disasters. 

If things go well, it will take typically just over 3+ hours each way to make this trip.

Best Barrios in Villavicencio 🇨🇴

It should come as no surprise that you can find all sorts of neighborhoods in this town.

Just like in any other Colombian city, literally from the worst ratholes to super-upscale places that look like they should be in Miami or on some Caribbean island — and literally everything in between.

Let's take a look at the most desirable neighborhoods first: 

La Grama / El Caudal

These used to be the first neighborhoods you would come into on the old road from Bogotá, back in the day.

Now, there's a new tunnel that takes you into the west end of town, and only motorcycles and tanker trucks take that road regularly. 

The center of La Grama is a big traffic circle just a little bit inside city limits. Fanning out from this traffic circle are a lot of fancy bars, restaurants and boutique shops, along with fancy residences. 

As you might already be thinking, La Grama is pretty high-density, and it's a great place for those who want to be in the center of the action, walking distance from everything.

You could also opt to stay just uphill from La Grama in El Caudal, however, and you'll get more living space and much more tranquility, since El Caudal is mostly residential. 

Trapiche / Villacodem / El Buque

These neighborhoods are also next to each other, and are almost as high-class as La Grama and El Caudal. El Buque starts on the east side of Carrera 40, just past La Grama. Trapiche and Villacodem are about several minutes drive south of the La Grama traffic circle, and a bit west, along Calle 15. 

El Trapiche and Villacodem are newer neighborhoods than El Buque, and consist mainly of closed apartment complexes, which is, once again, something with positives and negatives, depending on personal preferences. 

None of these neighborhoods are as commercial as La Grama, but you will find lots of little shops in the neighborhoods, as well as restaurants, bars, spas, etc. 

Surrounding areas…

Personally, I'm a big fan of Villavicencio's suburbs and surrounding towns. These are great places for day trips from Villavicencio, but some people may even want to stay in some of these places and go into the city for the nightlife, going back to these areas to chill afterwards. Many of them are very close to Villavicencio, and are within striking distance of Uber etc.

Restrepo and Cumaral 

These two boutique towns are both located north of the city, one after the other, and they are on a pretty decent road.

A lot of the monied people in the area live here because it's beautiful and peaceful and has none of the big city problems, but still very close - the end of Cumaral is still less than 10 miles away from the city center.

For those of you who crave the peace and quiet of the US when you go to Colombia, you could find the best of both worlds here. 

Vía Puerto López

Here there aren't really any towns of note in the hour and change it will take you to get to the town of Puerto López. However, the landscape is dotted with beautiful fincas and resorts, which are great possibilities for short or extended stays. 

Halfway there on the road, which is also in pretty good condition, you will see a park with an obelisk/totem pole thing and a lookout point — mirador. It's only a small hill, but it's the highest point for dozens of miles around, so the view is amazingly spectacular. 

The town of Puerto López itself is not much to write home about. It's where the rough-and-ready rural area starts. They are famous for their carne a la llanera, however, which is beef marinated for two days in beer and then cooked on an open flame. This alone can make the trip worth it.

Beyond Puerto López, the road quickly deteriorates to a mud track, and that's how it is for hundreds of miles, to the Venezuelan border and beyond. If you want an adventure like the ones you see in the YouTube videos of people driving on the world's worst roads, then definitely take this road! Otherwise, I would avoid going past Puerto López.

Up the Mountains…

There's another traffic circle in the northern part of time, right where the main city hospital is. There's a road going straight up from this traffic circle. If you take this, you will go through one working-class neighborhood on the hillside, and keep going up. It will quickly become a rural dirt road, and as you go up, there are tons of nice little fincas. 

This area is also very nice, as it quickly gets cooler and cooler as you go up this road. This makes staying in this area a great option for those people who like Villavicencio but want to be able to get away from the heat easily. 

Acacías

Acacías is another town from which people regularly commute to Villavicencio. It, however, has a middle-class feel and it's a bit sleepy and boring. It's also at least an hour and a half each way to Villavicencio with normal traffic. I personally don't recommend going to Acacías, but it could be OK for a day trip, or if somebody invites you.

I don't recommend going south of Acacías. The next town is San José de Guaviare which is very rough, and past that, it becomes an almost trackless mosquito-infested jungle, and it's also very dangerous. And I'm definitely saying this as someone who has had a "ghetto pass" for decades! 

GHETTO parts of Villavicencio

Every city has its ghetto, and Villavicencio has tons of ghetto to go around. 

I personally feel Villavicencio is a bit more dangerous than Bogotá or Medellín — but less so than Cali. Some locals feel things have gotten worse in the past few years, others feel that they have gotten a bit better. My opinion is that they have stayed the same. 

At any rate, caution is advised in Villavicencio in general, and especially in the neighborhoods I mention here below, even in the daytime. 

One of my best friends is a semi-pro MMA fighter, and even he had a run-in with local thugs one day in Santa Helena (mentioned below). There were too many of them for even him to fight, and he barely managed to get away with only minor bruises and scrapes. 

El Porvenir

Downtown Villavicencio is generally alright, although there are homeless people all over. The one downtown neighborhood that's the exception is El Porvenir. 

Ironically, in the middle of El Porvenir is Teatro La Vorágine, a municipal theater which actually puts on good events and concerts. So, you can see middle and even upper-class people from the city converging on this horrible neighborhood from time to time to go there. 

Just a couple blocks from the theater, right on Calle 33, is a few blocks consisting of car and motorcycle mechanics, cheap pawn shops and no-tell motels. This is known as the "Calle de los Negros" because it was originally populated in the 1970s by Afros coming from Cali and surrounding areas. This is a big drug spot as well. 

I've been up and down this place alone during the da) and didn't have any problems. I was actually playing as a musician at the Voraigne that day. It's not for the faint of heart, though. And there are other places in Villavicencio and the surrounding area that are that much worse!

Villavicencio's Infamous Drug Neighborhoods

Moving east from Downtown and La Grama, on the other side of the Avenida Al Llano (Villavicencio's main road), you'll find El Jordán, and then east of that, Santa Helena. These neighborhoods have been taken over by gangs, and are dotted with drug production facilities hidden in the neighborhood's houses. 

As a visitor, you really have no reason to visit these areas. In fact, these neighborhoods have gotten bad enough that, if you meet a girl that lives in these places, they will advise against you going to pick them up at home! 

Ciudad Porfía

Ciudad Porfía is just outside of Villavicencio to the south, on the way to Acacías. It's another hellhole full of gang and drug activity, and most locals will tell you it's not safe at any time of day, and that you should never go there. 

I did go to Porfía once, on a date with a girl who lived there. She said that reports of the danger over there were exaggerated, but, looking back, I'm not sure I believe her. 

At any rate, there really isn't anything interesting to see or do there, so I would recommend you skip it.

Where to Stay in Villavicencio, Colombia

One point in favor of this town is that it has a super-huge variety of accommodations, and they tend to punch above their weight in terms of what you'd expect for the price.

I think that luxury accommodations in Villavicencio are totally worth it for those who can afford it, and they certainly make the whole Villavicencio experience go up a couple notches!

Let's start with some of the city's hotels:

• The GHL Hotel Grand is Villavicencio's iconic place to stay. It's conveniently located next to the city's biggest mall, and a short distance from all the city's best neighborhoods. You may not even leave much, though, because here, the city comes to you! The hotel restaurant is amazing, and many of the city's best events are held here. You can get a room here for as little as $330,000 COP. 

• The Hacaritama Colonial has rooms for $190,000 COP per night and up. Located in a middle-class neighborhood in the southeast of Villavicencio, this place is a bit out of the way, but it has its own charm. 

• The Hotel Campanario is probably the most luxurious place to stay in the whole area, with rooms starting at $402,000 COP per night. It's actually located out of town, along Av. Catama to the east. The whole area has an upscale resort vibe, and it's absolutely gorgeous. The breakfast buffet is also one of the best I've ever had. 

As far as AirBnB's go, this is where you want to look if you want to do things on a budget.

For example…

• This one-bedroom place is going for around $36,000 COP a night

• This other one even has AC for around $44,000 COP a night

On the higher end of AirBnB, things are still very cheap!

If you really want to you could get into this beautiful three-bedroom condo for just $150,000 COP a night. 

Costs of Living in Villavicencio 🇨🇴

Sliding right into how much it could cost you to live in Villavicencio long-term, let's build a typical pair of scenarios.

The first one would be for the budget-minded staying in a cheaper AirBnB — but still a nice place in a nice neighborhood — and the second one would be an all-out scenario, where you live high on the hog in every way.

In both cases, all prices are in USD for a full month of living expenses:

Budget Scenario: 

• Accommodations: $250

• Groceries: $150

• Eating Out: $150

• Gym: $12

• Cell Data: $15

• Social: $180

Budget Scenario Total: $758-ish

Ballin’ Scenario: 

• Accommodations: $1200

• Groceries: $300

• Eating Out: $400

• Gym: $12

• Cell Data: $15

• Social: $400

Ballin’ Scenario Total: $2,328

Villavicencio's Vibrant Bars, Clubs and Restaurants

While you won't find the vibrant restaurant scene of Bogotá or Cali here, there are lots of good dining options in Villavicencio.

But where this city really shines is in its nightlife. This place parties hard 365 days a year, and places are open as late as the biggest night-owl would want! 

The city's most historically famous spot, Los Capachos, is actually located a few miles out of town, on the road to Acacías.

Depending on who you talk to, it's either a must-go or its best days are way behind it. I think it's worth going at least once to check out; it's the quintessential Villao party experience. 

Naturally, there are tons of other options in this place. There are three neighborhoods where you can go to get your nightlife in Villavicencio, all of them viable for your typical adventurous expat.

Let’s take a look at them…

7 de Agosto

This is the first "Zona Rosa" in Villavicencio, and has been around for decades. It's about four blocks long, and has several dozen places. 

7 de Agosto has gone decidedly downmarket since then. Having said that, it's still relatively nice and safe, and it's a great option for people who want to save money, or just check out how the town parties from the middle class down. 

La Grama

La Grama has been mentioned before as a great place to stay and play. You will also find a few dozen hot spots here, but the atmosphere is quite different from the other nightlife areas in town.

It's much calmer here, things tend to close earlier, and the volume is a little lower and the music a bit less pumping. 

Especially recommended in La Grama is Mateo Pub, a nice gastro pub place that splits the difference between a party joint in an upscale restaurant, in true La Grama style. The food isn't fancy; it's basic pub grub, but done in style, and the place typically packs with cuties at night.

Vía El Galán

This strip in the southern end of the city is the newest place to go and howl at the moon. It's a good middle path between the fancier atmosphere of La Grama and that of 7 de Agosto area. 

If you go here and like rock music, be sure to check out Die Jagger, a rock bar which features live music concerts fairly regularly. 

Dating in Villavicencio 🇨🇴

In a word, the dating environment, along with the nightlife in Villavicencio is:

Spectacular! 

The local culture among the llaneros that inhabit this city is super open and friendly, which makes it extremely easy to meet people. 

The beauty of the local girls is almost off the charts, while, since this is Colombia, there is lots of competition. But Villavicencio has to be near the top cities for attractive females, all things considered. 

Since it's off the beaten track, the amount of expats in Villavicencio is probably still in the single digits, so you will be a novelty, in the best sense of the word! 

The only caveats are:

You absolutely need good Spanish here, because English is super rare in Villavicencio.

Women in this part of Colombia are famous for being jealous or possessive, so if a local hottie zeros in on you, you could possibly have a bunny-boiler on your hands — at least, according to the locals!

To be honest, in my own experience, I have not had any problems of that nature at all in Villavicencio. 

Villavicencio, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

As I mentioned in the introduction, Villavicencio is a very strange place, and you may love it, hate it, or love/hate it at the same time! 

The pros of staying in Villavicencio are:

• Lots of great places to stay

• Some of the surrounding area is truly awesome

• It's fairly cheap, even by Colombian standards

• The nightlife and dating scene are very good

• There will be almost no other foreigners

The cons are: 

• Crime can be a problem, even during the day

• Much of the city is run-down and the urban roads are not well-maintained

• It's very provincial, which makes it less than ideal for longer stays

• It's quite a bit out of the way - even getting back and forth from Bogotá can be a pain. 

The climate is something you either love or hate — it's on the hot side for many people, including me.

But it may be exactly what some expats are looking for. 

All in all, I recommend starting out in Villavicencio by booking a week, and seeing how things go for you personally, since it's such a mixed bag over there. If you decide you like it, extending the stay is always easy. 

People who are close to me know I have a deep passion for Colombia, for its people, and for its many incredible places to visit. 

Many people are surprised to find out that I actually don't like many of Colombia's most famous tourist places.

There is a very good reason for why I'm constantly speaking out against people going to these spots, however. It's because I have traveled extensively all over this incredible country and know of a lot of great alternatives. 

I'm now going to mention four popular spots frequented by both Colombians and foreigners…

I'll talk briefly about exactly what I object to about them — and then I'll explain exactly why the alternative location is so much better. 

¡Vamonos!

Don't Go to Villa de Leyva…Go to Paipa 🇨🇴

Villa de Leyva is about four hours away from the capital city of Bogotá. People like to go there for the small-town experience.

It's a colonial town which features cobblestone streets, and everything is still painted white, as it was in the days when the Spanish were still in charge. 

This town is a very upscale place to stay. It's clean and safe, and the odds of you encountering a thief here are extremely low.

However, you are guaranteed to be fleeced by the incredibly high price of everything in this town. 

This especially goes for the food options…

Villa De Leyva has a lot of mediocre restaurants with uninteresting options on the menu and sky-high prices. Hotel and AirBnB options are similarly limited and overpriced.

Honestly, there just isn't a lot to do in this place. And those cobblestones are a royal pain to walk on. They may be charming at first sight, but trying to get around on such an uneven surface quickly wears on you.

Paipa has several clear advantages over Villa de Leyva.

Although, to be honest, the first time I went to Paipa back in 2014, I was not impressed at all. But since then, it has had a couple of really good municipal governments since then and has had a major renaissance.

The town's main claim to fame is its hot springs, which has gotten a huge update, and now features three pools, two of which are semi-olympic (25 meters in length), all filled with the hot spring's mineral water. 

Paipa also now has to its credit a burgeoning restaurant scene, where even the most discerning foodies will not be disappointed by its offerings anymore.

I especially recommend Rugantino, which can be found at Calle 25 #13 - 20. And, since rents are way below Villa De Leyva's levels, prices are also that much more reasonable.

Depending on the time of year, you can still even find decent hotel rooms for as low as 30,000 pesos a night! 

Paipa is turning into a tourist's paradise, but it's still a very underrated destination. I recommend you go and check it out before prices catch up with the immense value this place offers. 

Don't Go to Santa Rosa…Go to San Vicente 🇨🇴

On the topic of hot springs, many people love to visit the local hot springs — called the Balneario — in Santa Rosa de Cabal, which is a small town located about 20 minutes drive from the city of Pereira, in the “coffee zone” of Colombia. 

These hot springs are actually great, but, if you are willing to go a bit off the beaten path, you can make it to the San Vicente hot springs, which most people say even beat the ones in Paipa. 

It's worth noting that the Paipa hot springs are very built up, whereas the San Vicente hot springs are in an incredibly beautiful natural setting.

So it's a bit like comparing apples and oranges. Take a look at the photo below, which is easily worth the proverbial thousand words: 

Once again, most hot springs in Colombia are definitely worth the price of admission, hands down — except for the ones in Tabio, don't go there!

But the ones at San Vicente are truly special in how pristine and secluded they are. 

The one big downside to San Vicente is that getting there isn't super easy.

You have to take the road east from Santa Rosa de Cabal and keep going for what will probably be close to two hours due to the quality of the road. For those of you who don't want to have to make that trip twice in a day, there is a hotel and a good restaurant at San Vicente. 

Don't Go to Barranquilla for Carnival…Go to Pasto 🇨🇴

Seasoned travelers in Colombia will note that it's often true that many of the best places to go to in Colombia aren't all that easy to reach.

This is, in many ways, also true of the city of Pasto.

Located about two hours drive away from Ipiales and the Ecuadoran border,  Pasto is definitely a remote destination, even for people based out of other Colombian cities like Bogotá and Medellín. 

You can get there by air, although, as of the time of this writing, round-trip tickets are never shy of a million pesos, and can be several times that to fly back and forth during carnival season. 

The other option, of course, is to get there by land. Bus tickets are still around 300,000 pesos each way minimum. They also sell out way in advance for carnival.

Besides this, the average time from Bogotá or Medellín is around 24 hours each way 👎

You can also get there and back by private vehicle. Either way, the main problem with going by land is that you have to cross all of Cauca, where the roads aren't up to standard, and many parts aren't that safe!

Once you finally reach Pasto, however, it will all be worth it. The only advantage Barranquilla's carnival has over that of Pasto is that it's much easier to get to and from. 

I'm proud to say I've been to carnivals all over the globe, and Pasto's carnival is, by at least an order of magnitude, the best carnival I've ever been to.

Once again, pictures tell the story far better than I ever could: 

You may have noticed that many people in these pictures are absolutely covered in powder and in spray foam. That's a big part of what goes on, but it's far from the whole deal. 

Pasto is an incredibly old-school city — in many ways it's like being in a time warp, and this is even more true when you go there for carnival.

The celebrations are steeped in traditions, and give a nod, and lots of respect, to the city's European, African, and indigenous influences. They have a day for a historically themed parade, another one for competing marching bands and groups of dancers in various configurations, another parade mainly for the floats (as pictured above) and so much more, along with constant concerts by some of the country's best musical groups in a huge variety of styles. 

All carnivals have a certain element of danger to them, as thieves take advantage of the revelers.

Pasto's citizens, however, are incredibly civically-minded, and are constantly watching out for these street predators, and not afraid to put a stop to it. In fact, considering the incredible sense of community the Pasto natives have, I would not hesitate to experience this carnival even with a senior citizen or a small child in tow. 

Carnival in Pasto is called the "Black and White" carnival, and is officially advertised as taking place from January 2 through the 7, but celebrations actually start on December 28 and go through until January 9 during most years.

Don't Go to San Gil or Barichara…Go to Curití 🇨🇴

San Gil is the go-to destination in Colombia for people who love what they call "extreme" sports. By this I mean things like paragliding, hang gliding, sky-diving, all kinds of downhilling, and even some extreme spelunking. Indeed, the area surrounding San Gil is spectacular, and offers a wide array of the exciting activities described above. 

However, the town of San Gil itself is overcrowded, overpriced, and kind of a dump — even on a good day. It's also reportedly not nearly as safe as it used to be in prior days/years. 

The above photo is of the main plaza of San Gil, which is among the few well-maintained blocks in the whole area.

Please don't be fooled by the photo!

Barichara, on the other hand, could best be described as a mecca for rich boring hippies.

It's another colonial town, with a similar claim to fame as that of Villa de Leyva, but it's supposed to be more of a get-away-from-it-all vibe, where the loudest sound you hear is the wind blowing (strongly) over the plateau. 

Needless to say, Barichara is horribly overpriced, much more so than San Gil.

Also, even for those of you looking for that wind-only type of tranquility, unfortunately, it's rapidly disappearing as the town gets more and more crammed with tens of thousands of tourists looking for the exact same thing, all trying to get away from each other and winding up in Barichara! 

There has even been mention of potential problems with the water system, which on some days barely keeps up with the town's effective population. The town clearly can't take on even one more hotel as it stands right now. Of course, there are plans in the works for more hotels at this time.

I would like to present to you the town of Curití as the antidote to both of these overrated and overrun tourist traps.

As you can clearly see below, the town's beauty rivals that of Barichara, and it does that at a fraction of the cost:

Curití is located less than fifteen minutes' drive from San Gil, and it's also right off of a main highway. To get to Barichara, you have to take a tertiary road for over half an hour. 

While the town itself is tranquil, you have agencies in town which can take you on tours of the area, and you have access to all the same things San Gil offers. Honestly, the last time I was there, I almost felt guilty because of how low prices were on some of these tours! 

Curití also boasts several "pozos azules" — swimming holes with clear blue water — on its outskirts, and these are definitely not to be missed!

Of course, the warm and friendly people and the food Santander is famous for are present in large quantities in Curití, in fact, much more so than in either San Gil or Barichara.

How to Avoid "Tourist Traps" in Colombia 🇨🇴

Overall…

Colombia is home to many things. From friendly people to beautiful women..and so much more.

Including insane biodiversity and nature!

But the secret is starting to get out and certain spots are starting to become full-on tourist traps.

Luckily, to avoid these traps, just follow my advice above and get way off-the-beaten-path and into “real” Colombia 🇨🇴

And if you see a fellow foreign pasty face around, well, it might just be me ;)

It is indeed a very pretty city with mountains all around — and is very walkable. Just overall a very nice environment to be in. 

Its main downside is that it's very sleepy, especially considering how many people live there. Consequently, some people visiting here may love it at first, but get bored very quickly. Others may prefer the relaxed atmosphere and slow pace of this mid-sized city. 

Is Bucaramanga a place where you could spend time for an extended period? Keep reading to find out.

Bucaramanga, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

The city of Bucaramanga only has around 625,000 souls living there, but the total population of the metro area is roughly twice that, clocking in at around 1,225,000 or so residents.

It's also currently the most rapidly growing area in Colombia, and, curiously, has the lowest unemployment rate in the whole country.

Climate and Topography:

Bucaramanga, like many Latin American cities, is situated on a plateau, surrounded by mountains. This means you constantly have gorgeous mountain ranges on the horizon, almost no matter where you look. On the downside, the land on the plateau is pretty limited, and is quickly running out these days! 

The city has an average elevation of just under a kilometer. This makes for a climate where some days are balmy, others are a little on the hot side, especially during the afternoon hours. 

Many people feel that the city has gotten hotter and more humid in recent years. The humidity usually sticks around 80% when it's not raining, which is a bit on the high side for some people, especially if the temperature hits 30-33 C (87-92 F) in the middle of an especially warm day. At night, Bucaramanga is very comfortable, generally not going below 18 C (65 F). 

It can rain quite a bit in Bucaramanga, but it doesn't rain as much as it does in Bogotá or Medellín, much less the cities of the coffee region, namely Pereira, Manizales and Armenia. 

Getting to Bucaramanga, Colombia 🇨🇴

To be honest…

Bucaramanga is a little out of the way — compared to major cities in Colombia.

There are regular flights from cities such as Bogotá and Medellín, which take place multiple times daily.

There’s also regular connections from many of the other larger cities in Colombia, like:

• Cali

• Barranquilla

• Cartagena

• Santa Marta

Since Bucaramanga is NOT a tourist destination or hotspot, international direct flights are very sparse.

Most flyers will find flying into Bogota or Medellin, and then flying here to be easier.

However, you will find a few direct flights to:

• Miami / FLL 🇺🇸

• Panama City 🇵🇦

For more information on all flight routes, click here.

The other downside to flying into Bucaramanga is that the airport is located really far away from the city itself, and the route connecting the airport with the city is not direct, as can be seen in the map below: 

Unfortunately, as of this writing, the only option to get to Bucaramanga from its airport, and vice versa, is to take an expensive taxi. It's also especially important to leave a lot of extra time when heading to the airport from town, as unexpected traffic jams can come up and cause you to miss a flight if you didn't allow enough of a time cushion.

Bucaramanga can also be reached pretty easily by land from Bogotá and Medellín, taking around 7-10 hours by car or bus.

Aside from the odd bit of construction to slow you down, the roads are in pretty decent condition.

Best Barrios in Bucaramanga 🇨🇴

This beautiful city has a lot of beautiful neighborhoods in it, to be sure. Here are some of the most important ones: 

La Cabecera

La Cabecera, despite being quite removed from downtown, is the real heart and soul of the city of Bucaramanga. It's also the place that you as a visitor/expat/etc. will be spending a great deal of your time in Bucaramanga. 

This neighborhood is a true mixed-use neighborhood, with residences thrown in with all kinds of businesses: 

Bucaramanga is, in general, a very clean and pretty place, and La Cabecera is one of the best examples of this:

As I mention below, the city's nightlife is also very heavily focused on this area, as is its restaurant scene.

Altos de la Cabecera

Located just up the hill from La Cabecera, this is the most exclusive place to live in the whole city:

The residents of this neighborhood enjoy fresh air, beautiful views, and favorable zoning laws which keeps things very low-density, especially for a Colombian city. 

The only real drawback to living here is that it is very residential, meaning that there are not a lot of amenities like: corner stores, dry cleaners, laundromats etc. within walking distance.

People who live here are definitely of means, and, as such, they often pay people to run these types of errands for them, and prefer to keep the neighborhood free of the hustle and bustle of the rest of the city.

El Prado/Sotomayor

El Prado, like neighboring Sotomayor, is situated right next door to La Cabecera. All three neighborhoods are part of Comuna 12, which is the district where all the fanciest neighborhoods are located. 

This neighborhood is ideal for people who don't want to live right in the middle of everything, but want to be walking distance from it, and don't want to deal with the hills or the high prices of Altos de la Cabecera.

Both El Prado and Sotomayor also do have many good restaurants as well, for when you're too lazy to even walk to La Cabecera.

Ciudadela Real de Minas

This neighborhood is halfway upscale, and halfway middle class, but it's definitely worth shouting out in this article, because it's a really nice place to live.

It has also been rated the most popular neighborhood in town by real estate experts such as Metrocuadrado, who claim that it's the most-searched neighborhood in Bucaramanga on their website.

The San Andresitos, Puerta del Sol, and downtown

San Andresitos are basically overgrown flea markets. Most Colombian cities have at least one of them, some, like Bogotá, have dozens of them scattered all over the city.

In Bucaramanga, they are all crammed next to each other in what could best be described as a "midtown" area, between Calles 50 and 60. I say "crammed in", but they actually have more than enough space for them, and it makes for a very convenient shopping experience. 

If you like bargain-hunting, or just shopping around for weird and cool stuff, the San Andresitos are definitely worth popping into when you have some free time. Bucaramanga's San Andresitos are surprisingly good, and are rivaled only by those of Bogotá. 

Continuing north on "La 27"  (the main trunk road going through town), we come to the downtown area, which is not super bustling, and has a surprising small-town feel for such a big city. 

One of the downtown area's finest attractions is the Parque de los Niños. As you can see, it's well-maintained, lush and green:

Honestly, while there's nothing particularly wrong with downtown Bucaramanga, you probably won't be spending a lot of time there, because there aren't a lot of things to do there.

You will almost certainly only find yourself going there only when you need to go to some government office or similar. 

Floridablanca and Piedecuesta

Floridablanca and Piedecuesta are both solid middle-class towns in the south of the Bucaramanga metro area. 

They are both located slightly off of the main road coming into town from the south, and they are both pretty hilly places. Recently, they have been growing by leaps in bounds, as real estate prices are a bit lower than they are within Bucaramanga itself. 

While Floridablanca is right adjacent to Bucaramanga, Piedecuesta is a bit up the road, so it's a little more remote and tranquil. It also has a bit more of a colonial vibe, with a lot of beautiful older buildings having been preserved:

The North of Bucaramanga (GHETTO)

People in Bucaramanga will often sincerely tell you to not go anywhere in the city located north of downtown. Actually, some will even tell you to avoid the downtown area, especially at night.

I personally would take this advice with a grain of salt. 

There are cities in Colombia where there are some horribly bad neighborhoods that are no-go zones 24/7 and you would do well to 100-percent avoid those areas — Cali, I'm looking at you!

However, Bucaramanga is in general a pretty safe place, and it's one of the places in Colombia with the lowest crime rates. 

At any rate, even the worst parts of Bucaramanga are pretty clean and well-ordered. You can see for yourself in the pictures below: 

It's worth noting that, while you probably won't get shanked or kidnapped or anything in the north of Bucaramanga, there's also not much reason to go there, unless you meet someone from there and they invite you over.

If this happens to you, I'd recommend not to even think twice about accepting the invitation, though!

Finding a Place to Stay in Bucaramanga 🇨🇴

The very first time I stayed in Bucaramanga, I found the Hotel Alessio just tooling around the city on the motorbike. I enjoyed it immensely there, and have been back quite a few times. 

This hotel is technically considered to be a three-star, but it's got a lot of amenities you would expect to find in a four-star.

The hotel has a rooftop restaurant serving basic but well-prepared typical Colombian stuff. It also has a pool, and guests at the Alessio are allowed to use the sauna at the nearby Hotel D'Leon — and guests there are allowed to use the Alessio's pool — since both hotels have the same ownership.

A room here will cost you from around 100,000 COP to 200,000 COP — around $20 to $40 USD or so — depending on what kind of a room you want.

To this day, I think that this is one of the best deals you could find in Bucaramanga. 

Other more upscale options in Bucaramanga include:

• Hotel Chicamocha

• Punta Diamante Premium

• Dann Carlton

• Hampton by Hilton

These will range from 250,000 to 500,000 COP — just over $50-100 USD at this time. 

On AirBnB, options are generally quite cheap!

If you’re staying for a month or two, you may want to look at a few of these rentals in the best areas of the city:

• $500 USD a month

• $700 USD a month

• $1000 USD a month

You can find both better and cheaper options with a bit of digging, but these should suffice to start.

Some apartments also feature insane views of the lush mountains surrounding the city…

Cost of Living in Bucaramanga

Bucaramanga has been rising in popularity and in price in recent years, as more people discover it as a viable alternative to other places in Colombia. However, things remain cheap there. 

Here's a breakdown of what a typical expat might pay for a month to live in Bucaramanga…

The following is based on renting a small furnished place off of AirBnB or similar, and eating moderately, eating out a couple times a week, and spending moderately in the nightclubs etc. Your own mileage may vary on either side of this, depending on your tastes and habits, as always: 

• Accommodations: $500-1,000 USD

• Groceries: $150 USD

• Eating out: $200 USD

• Gym: $12 USD

• Cell Data: $15 USD

• Social: $200 USD

This is easily a city where you could enjoy a high quality of life for under $1,000 USD a month — on a longer stay, 3-6 months.

You could also live like an absolute king here for $2,500 USD a month.

Nightlife in Bucaramanga, Colombia 🇨🇴

Bucaramanga, as was mentioned earlier, is surprisingly sleepy for a city with such a large-ish population. 

That being said…

There’s enough to do here at night on the weekends. This isn’t Armenia, Colombia.

Read more

Of course, the above reads a bit like a travel brochure. In fact, this is what my friend who runs a travel agency told me about the place.

In real life, all cities have their positives and negatives. 

Armenia is definitely not for everyone, but you could also do a lot worse, inside and outside of Colombia. 

We're going to do a thorough analysis of this small city, so you can make up your mind on whether it's worth a stay, be it a short one or a longer one. Read on to find out everything you ever wanted to do about Armenia.

Armenia, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population:

With a metro area population of  just around half a million souls, Armenia is way too big to be a town, and is definitely classified as a small city.

Climate and Topography:

Armenia is at around 1480 up to 1550 or so meters of elevation, and is roughly west of Bogotá, at 4.3 degrees of latitude. Because of this, it enjoys extremely pleasant temperatures year-round. Temperatures during the afternoon usually peak at around 23 C or 73 F. 24-hour lows usually sit at around 16 C or 61 F. 

The Achilles' heel of Armenia's weather is, of course, the rain.

Like its neighboring cities of Manizales and Pereira, it rains quite a bit in the city of Armenia. It's highly recommended to never leave your home base here without an umbrella. The more cold-blooded among you may want to also use a light jacket or sweater. 

Also, because of the specific elevation of this place, it frequently finds itself in the middle of a fog belt. People of course also have mixed feelings about this, as the fog can be beautiful and romantic, especially with the right person at your side! Of course, it can also be hard to get around the fog. And, since you're literally in the middle of a cloud, many people find the humidity to be uncomfortable when this happens.

The city itself is very hilly, once again, as is every place in this part of Colombia. It's not as bad as Manizales, though, where almost every street in the city has steep ups and downs. 

Getting to Armenia 🇨🇴

In short, Armenia is not the easiest place to get to in the world, or in Latin America, but it's far from the hardest place to get to. 

Armenia is located right along the Panamerican highway between Bogotá, Cali, and points south of Cali. While the road is under constant construction, the vast majority of it is in good condition. There is also easy access by road to Medellín. Travel time from Bogotá or Medellín by road should be around 5-6 hours in most cases.

While Armenia's airport is an international airport, it doesn't have many flights to and from international places. You can, however, grab direct flights from FLL or PTY. Unfortunately, the FLL flight is with Spirit. Connecting flights from BOG and MDE are, of course, very frequent, but seem overpriced considering how short the flight is. 

For more info on specific flight routes to Armenia, Colombia — click here.

Best Neighborhoods in Armenia 🇨🇴

The two fanciest neighborhoods in Armenia are called:

• La Castellana

• Laureles

Both of these neighborhoods, which run into each other, are located at the top of a massive hill, and have some really incredible city views.

In the Castellana/Laureles area, you will find some of Colombia’s finest cuisine.

Especially recommended are Osteria Bianco — definitely get a reservation; the place is small and extremely popular — and Zakani for some top-notch sushi.

The other fancy areas are to be found right near the city's  international airport, in suburbs such as El Edén (which is the same name as the airport, actually) or La Tebaida, both boutique towns which are also incredibly popular with the city's growing tourist and expat population.

The previously-mentioned Osteria Bianco has also recently opened up a new branch right on the El Edén traffic circle.      

Armenia also boasts of one of the prettiest urban parks in the country, called El Parque de la Vida.

You can go to this gorgeous place and really feel you are no longer in the city, it's an amazing way to get away from it all in Armenia. The park itself is located just north of downtown, on the way to Laureles.

It's remarkable how quickly the chaos and bustle of downtown Armenia disappears in this place. In fact, you can see the same rah-rah crowd from downtown come into the park, and they are like different people, so calm, so unlike their previous selves!

Downtown Armenia, Colombia

Most of downtown Armenia is laid out on a super-logical grid, which underwent a major facelift out of necessity because of the 1999 earthquake — see below for more info.

You will find downtown Armenia to be very clean and well-kept, but it's definitely not the upscale part of the city. The north of the city, or some outlying areas (also described below) are much better bets for most people. 

However, for the intrepid or the budget-minded, staying downtown in Armenia is definitely an option if you don't mind the noise. All in all, I'd say downtown Armenia is very much like a mini version of downtown Medellín, where I have also stayed more than once with no problems, except for the noise! 

You can stay right in the city's historic center, but it's not that historic anymore, it's more expensive than staying in the nicer areas, and you still have the drawbacks of staying anywhere else downtown. 

The 1999 Earthquake and it's long-term effect on Armenia…

Colombia, like Japan and some other countries, is a very mountainous place. This means it's blessed with amazing views and hot springs. Of course, this also has its downside. The country is very prone to landslides, tremors, and sometimes a big earthquake hits. 

The earthquake that struck Armenia on January 25th of the year 1999 had its epicenter just south and slightly west of the city, mere kilometers from its downtown core. The quake registered as a 6.2, but the location of its epicenter combined with the amount of older buildings in the city spelled disaster. According to most accounts, approximately half of the structures within Armenia were heavily damaged or destroyed. 

I wouldn't normally include information like this in a city guide, but, in this case, the earthquake had such an impact on Armenia's infrastructure, look and feel, it's worth a mention here. 

Before the earthquake happened, Armenia was famous for its beautiful historical center full of colonial buildings. Some say that Armenia's central plazas were the most beautiful and well-preserved in the whole country. Most of these didn't survive the disaster, however, unfortunately. 

The definite positive point of this is that Armenia now has a very modern infrastructure throughout most of its urban area, meaning that things like it's electrical grid have been recently upgraded in a way that never would have been possible otherwise. We can call this a sort of silver lining to a very tragic event. 

Naturally, the character of those buildings can never be replaced in the modern age. Because of this, most of Armenia has a very clean, sleek modern vibe and look to it.

Some people may love this; others may be a bit disappointed by it, as the new buildings are just like new buildings anywhere else in the world: boxy, and devoid of detail and what some would call "character".

It definitely almost seems like it's not a Colombian or Latin American city as we might know it.

Accommodations in Armenia 🇨🇴

As a general note, even the cheap hotels in Colombia are usually clean and safe, much cleaner especially than their North American or European counterparts would be. 

As for hotels, if you want to go for all the luxury, there's the best option:

Mocawa Resort in La Tebaida

It will run you just shy of $100USD at the exchange rates of the time of this writing, and includes a gorgeous pool and great in-house dining. However, it’s a bit outside the city.

You can also go right down to around 50,000 pesos ($18USD or so) for just a basic room in a basic neighborhood. Most basic hotels in good areas are in the 80,000 to 120,000 COP range. Nicer places start at 200,000COP. 

It's important to note that these rates are for two people, and that hotels in Colombia typically charge more for each additional person staying in the room. If you are flying solo, it could be even cheaper! 

Some decent recommendations in the best areas include:

• Hotel Mocawa Plaza

• Armenia Hotel

Airbnb costs range from a low of around 50,000 COP to just under 300,000 COP per night.

In real money, we are talking $10-70 USD per night.

For example, this incredible apartment rents out for about $750 USD per month.

Suffice to say, living in Armenia is damn cheap

Cost of Living in Armenia, Colombia 🇨🇴

As you can probably already see, things are cheap in Armenia.

The good news is that this extends beyond hotels to just about every aspect of living in Armenia — or Colombia in general, in most cases. There are a few exceptions, like, I have never figured out why things like shampoo are so damn expensive. But in most cases, you will be paying pennies on the dollar compared to US prices. 

You can still get a regular lunch in a local neighborhood joint for around 8000-9000 COP. That's actually under $2 in USD still! Fancier dining will obviously be more expensive, but it's still a great deal for people bringing that green money. A nice dinner at a top-notch spot in Armenia will still run you around 50,000 COP per plate.

So, a fancy dinner date for two with drinks etc. will run around $40USD, tops. 

Let's run two scenarios here.

First, we will look at people who want to do Armenia on a shoestring. This would look something like this, for a month: 

• Accommodations: $300

• Groceries: $150

• Eating out: $200

• Gym: $12

• Cell Data: $15

• Social: $200

This leaves us with a total of under $900USD a month. Now, if you want to live high off the hog in every way in Armenia: 

• Accommodations: $1200

• Groceries: $300

• Eating out: $500

• Gym: $12

• Cell Data: $15

• Social: $500

So, even if you splurge in Armenia, you can still get it all done in style for around $2500USD a month, getting the best of everything.

Nightlife in Armenia, Colombia 🇨🇴

Armenia's nightlife is concentrated mainly in the downtown area, between Parque Cafetero and Parque Sucre, bordered on the west side by Carrera 20.

Unlike many other Colombian towns, there is no real concentration of bars and nightclubs exclusively on any particular block, although many of the more popular bars and clubs are clustered around the city's Plaza Bolivar. 

I'm going to be honest here…

For restaurants, Armenia hits way above its weight as a small city. The same, however, is not true for its nightlife. Its nightlife is typical for a Colombian city of the population it has. 

Aka this is NOT Bogota! Nightlife here is marginal at best.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh here, because Armenia's nightlife may be OK by other standards. But I feel that we are in Colombia here — one of the world's great party destinations and the bar needs to be a little higher because of this.

This is especially true because Pereira, for example, is less than an hour's drive away on a very good road, and Pereira’s nightlife is legendary, for example! 

Even Ibague has preferable nightlife.

For those of you who are big nightlife people, Armenia may not be the best place in Colombia for you. Others may feel the relative tranquility of the city makes up for it, or may not care about the nightlife at all anyways.

As far as culture in general goes, honestly, things like live music and theater are also a little bit deficient in Armenia, once again, especially when you compare it to other Colombian cities. Ibagué and Pereira as well as Manizales all have more going on in this area. Having said that, there are some places that feature things such as live music on a semi-regular basis. 

Dating in Armenia

Armenia, while not a hive of thriving nightlife, is still a great place to meet people, including Colombia girls for dating. This is due to two main factors:

• People in Armenia are very friendly

• The women also gorgeous

The only big caveat here is that, aside from the really upscale places, people really speak next to no English, or no English at all. If you are coming here and planning on dating or working, or meeting new people in general, fluent Spanish is an absolute must, no ifs ands or buts about it!

P.S: Here’s how to learn Spanish!

As long as your Spanish is up to snuff, however, you will find yourself surrounded by extremely warm and friendly people and will probably be organically introduced to new people at a rate that will make your head spin! 

As with any place in Colombia, I strongly recommend that newcomers take it slow and get to know the culture before getting into serious relationships with anybody.

You will find that, as your knowledge of the local culture grows, you will start to discover more and more who is who, and you will have a much better time on the dating scene. In the meantime, you will probably have tons of fun, naturally! 

Since this is literally among the easiest places to make new friends on planet Earth, I'm not going to recommend specific places for meeting new people; it's literally absolutely everywhere! 

And yes, as a traveling gringo, you will have success using dating apps here ;)

Getting Around Armenia, Colombia

Armenia's logical layout and small size mean that Armenia is a very easy city to get around. 

If you want to stay in the downtown area, it's very walkable and generally, it's safe to do so. Of course, the usual precautions apply: don't go out stumbling around the streets outside drunk and alone with money hanging out of your pocket! At any rate, outside of downtown, walking gets a lot more difficult, many just because of the steep hills you would have to traverse. 

As a smaller city, Armenia doesn't have a very advanced public transportation system. It does have a very serviceable bus network though, with 37 different routes neatly covering the whole area. Most expats will probably avoid this service. It's far from luxurious, but it can get you where you're going for a mere 2400. 

Taxis are also widely available, and many of them work off of their own apps or on platforms like Cabify. The minimum fare in Armenia is 5000 COP, and an average fare would be around 10-12000 COP. I absolutely do not recommend taxis in Bogotá, but in cities like Armenia, they seem to work just fine. Vehicles seem to be cleaner and in better condition, and the same applies for the drivers.

Uber, InDriver and Picap are all also currently in operation in Armenia, and are definitely a viable option to get around as well. 

The city's transport terminal is fairly centrally located in Armenia — it's close to downtown. Here you can find buses to a huge variety of other Colombian cities, and to the areas around Armenia. Many of these shorter trips are well worth taking, as described below. 

Armenia's Surrounding Areas

While Armenia is the capital of Quindío , it is also the hub and business center for the surrounding plethora of beautiful towns and fincas, many of them classed as world-class tourist destinations. If you're staying any length of time at all in Armenia, it's highly recommended that you visit a couple of them. I'm going to list a few of them below, so you can get an idea of what the area in general is like.:

Calarcá — the “hidden gem”

In all my time in Colombia, I have heard of Calarcá from time to time. For some reason, people often don't have good things to say about it. This includes more than one person who was born and raised there. 

I have to say though that, in my honest opinion, it's quite a nice little town, based on my own experience. The town center has, incredibly, preserved many of its colonial buildings. Even at night, things seemed very amicable and peaceful every time I passed through there, and the people have the same human warmth you can find in the rest of the region. Ther town itself is also very clean and kept up properly; people's sense of civic pride is very obvious in Calarcá.

The city's main square is shown in the above picture. One feature that's pretty unique to Calarcá, however, is that the church always found in these main plazas is much more modern than you would expect. This is because the old town church, unfortunately, also didn't survive the 1999 earthquake, and had to be rebuilt. The result is some 1960's-looking thing; I'm personally not much of a fan of it.

Calarcá is located right at the foot of the Central Andes Range, and, as such, the moment you leave town heading east, you will be entering La Linea. This is a famous mountain road that takes you to the other side of the mountains, leading to Cajamarca, and then Ibagué, Girardot etc. on the way to Bogotá. The road itself has recently received a major update, and is now a divided highway both ways, supported by an impressive array of tunnels and viaducts. The drive itself is highly recommended just for the views!

Salento and the Parque del Café

Salento is a quaint little town which in itself is quite touristy. It's also a draw, however, because it's right next to the picturesque Cocora Valley and the famous Parque del Café. 

Personally, I feel Salento is a little overrated, and expensive for what you get. The Parque del Café is actually very cool, but they do charge appreciably more for foreigners to go, so keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that it's actually an amusement park, with ferris wheels, go-karts, roller coasters etc. so it's not a good destination for people who want peace and quiet. It does also have two museums on the park's grounds though, for when you're tired of the rides. 

Filandia

Filandia is a city around an hour and a bit north of Armenia. It's known colloquially by people in the area as a town frozen in time, or the town that time forgot. It's a great place to go to see lots of amazing colonial architecture and eat simple but delicious local food. Bring your jacket for sure, because it's quite a bit further up in elevation than Armenia. 

Armenia, Colombia 🇨🇴 Overall

That about does it! Everything a red-blooded male would want to know before visiting the stunning mountain town of Armenia, Colombia.

Overall…

• Armenia does a few things very well:

• Stunning nature all around

• Cheap as hell

• Cute girls

• No gringos around

However, the place isn’t a MUST visit when checking out Colombia by any stretch. The nightlife sucks, the city is fairly small, and if you’re not working online — you will get bored here if you stay too long.

As well, when comparing these four cities:

• Armenia

• Ibague

• Pereira

• Manizales

Well, Armenia may well come in last place.

However, it’s solid overall and well worth a week or three of your time when you want to get off-the-beaten-path in the interior of Colombia.

The city is about 115 kilometers from the capital of the department and largest city — Cali.

It’s the most important commercial port in the country, receiving container traffic from Asia — it’s also the exit point of a lot of the country’s exports, including cocaine.

As such there’s A LOT of criminal activity in the city, from the streets to the container port, gangs fight each other for control of the lucrative drug market, as well as illegally mined gold and timber.

The city has a reputation for being violent, dirty, and dangerous — and overall I tend to agree with this although the security situation has improved in recent years, one still has to keep their guard up while in the city.

Below, you’ll find everything you MUST know about this dangerous city — including why I visit every time I’m in Cali.

*Guest post from esteemed Colombia scholar: Scotian

Buenaventura, Colombia 🇨🇴 The Basics

Demographics:

The locals are 90% black, which is a similar mix to other cities on the Pacific coast — Tumaco, Quibdo, etc.

My knowledge of local history is limited but from what I’ve read, the Spanish sent African slaves to the region to work in silver mines, many escaped over the years and settled in small villages near the ocean which dot the coast all the way from the Ecuador border up to Panama.

Basically the Pacific coast is the heart of Afro-Colombia, one journalist describing it as “Colombia’s Haiti”

It is a wild, undeveloped region and home to a unique culture of people who have basically survived for the past 500 years on their own, it's the poorest region of the country, a hot spot for the civil war conflict that continues to affect the region today.

Weather: 

Hot, wet and humid. The Pacific coast of Colombia is literally one of the wettest regions on the planet and receives more precipitation than almost anywhere in the world, so pack a rain jacket and extra clothes.

Not lying, the rain here puts Costa Rica during rainy season to shame…

The chart above paints the picture. 271 inches of rain ever year. Over 20 feet of rain a year!

Why Visit Buenaventura?

So, why would anyone bother going to the Pacific coast and Buenaventura in particular?

Adventure mostly, it’s an off-the-beaten-path destination that few people visit with great natural surroundings: waterfalls, lagoons, rivers, beaches that are easily accessible from the city.

The city itself isn’t very nice but the boardwalk area is and that is where you should stay during any visit to Buenaventura.

One or two nights in the city is enough to have a good time, meet some locals, go out to party and eat some fresh, delicious seafood.

I recommend showing up in the city on a Friday and leaving on a Sunday, whether that is to a nearby bay to experience more of the Pacific coast and do some nature activities, or to return back to Cali. 

This is NOT a city to base up in.

How to Get to Buenaventura 🇨🇴

The most common way to get there is a bus from the terminal in Cali. It costs about $7 and takes around three hours to arrive at the Buenaventura terminal.

From there you can take a quick taxi or walk about ten minutes to the boardwalk, I recommend the former if arriving at night.

No international flight options here.

However, you can fly to Buenaventura from Bogota. Airport code: BUN.

More info here.

Where to Stay in Buenaventura?

You will definitely want to stay near the boardwalk for both safety and logistics, as mentioned above, this is the area where all of the action if both in the day and night.

There’s cafes, restaurants, bars and nightclubs all with a few blocks and it’s heavily patrolled by police.

I recommend the Hotel Torre Mar — as it’s right in front of the boardwalk and is modern, with a nice buffet breakfast and a great restaurant next door.

Another option is Hotel Tequendama Inn Estacion, an older colonial style hotel that is a bit aged but has a decent pool. It’s a couple of blocks away from the boardwalk but not so far that safety is a concern.

Things to Do in Buenaventura 🇨🇴

There isn’t a whole lot to do during the day in the city itself beside hangout at the boardwalk, have lunch, drink coffee, chat with locals and eat dinner in the evening.

There’s a small market at the port where locals sell a variety of handmade souvenirs and different alcoholic beverages including the local moonshine called Viche, which is made out of sugar cane.

There’s also a couple of herbal potions that locals say is a local brew that will make a man more vigorous in bed, but I haven’t tried it as it doesn’t look like it tastes very pleasant.

The main reason to stay a night or two in Buenaventura would be to party in a place where few tourists go, other than sailors who are there while their ship is docked.

You won’t see many other Gringos in the city which makes your novelty factor quite high.

My first time there I was alone and upon entering a nightclub was invited to a table by friendly locals who ensured I had a great time as they thought it was crazy that a gringo would be out drinking alone in the city, perhaps it was.

You can meet folks during the day if you’re able to speak in Spanish, the locals are pretty open and friendly, this is probably the best plan — as they are a bit more closed off at night time in the bars and clubs

P.S: More on that below.

The Food

This is my favorite part of visiting the Pacific coast, the local cuisine.

There’s a variety of fresh, local seafood to choose from, I recommend the cazuela de mariscos which is a seafood chowder served with coconut rice and fried plantains.

There’s also a lot of different fried fish to choose from which vary depending on the day, from river fish to ocean caught, you can also try shark in Buenaventura. 

Nightlife in Buenaventura, Colombia 🇨🇴

Again, everything is focused on the boardwalk, so the Gringo friendly bars and clubs are all along the same strip, which goes up the hill about 500 meters.

I don’t recall the names of the bars and clubs, but there’s several along the strip, some are open air so a visitor can see what they’re like from outside and a couple are closed.

They are typically table focused, which is normal throughout the country — a group enters the bar or club and is attended to by a waiter who brings them bottles of liquor or beer and the group tends to socialize among themselves.

Given the history of violence in the country and Buenaventura in particular, people are a bit weary of strangers — although Gringos can sometimes be forgiven for talking to strangers.

But one must tread carefully, especially when it comes to talking to women who are out with a group of men, which is almost always the case.

Overall…

Nightlife in Buenaventura can be fun as hell, but you’ve gotta have some street smarts and read the situation — as you’ll almost always be talking to mixed groups.

Things to Do in the Surrounding Areas…

While the city of Buenaventura has fuck all to do in the city proper, the surrounding areas are filled with incredible nature.

Here’s a few ideas:

San Cipriano

This is a small pueblo located about a half an hour before Buenaventura on the same highway, to reach it you can just tell the bus driver that’s where you want to get off at and they’ll stop the bus along the highway.

Once you get off you cross the road and walk towards the bridge that will take you across the river where you’ll see the old railroad track that the locals use to get to San Cipriano.

This is one of the best parts of visiting the pueblo, the locals use converted motorbikes with attached wooden seats to transport people to and from San Cipriano, a trip of about ten kilometers that costs about $6 round trip.

Once there you’ll be greeted by locals who will offer you river trips on inflated inner tubes and jungle treks to water falls. This can all be done in a few hours, a good plan is to do this in the morning then continue your trip to Buenaventura in the afternoon.

Once you get back to the highway, you can wait for another bus to take you into the city.

Ladrilleros/Juanchaco

These are two beach towns located on nearby bays that are accessible by boat from Buenaventura, after about 1.5 hours.

The boat arrives in Juanchaco, which isn’t very nice so I recommend continuing onto Ladrilleros — which involves a wooden passenger trolley pulled by a tractor.

There’s a few small, resort type hotels there of various price ranges. This is a nice spot to chill for a couple of days by the wild Pacific ocean, locals offer guided tours to waterfalls and to see local, wild animals which include some venomous snakes and frogs.

Due to the boat rides, Ladrilleros isn’t a day trip destination — so it would be better to plan for a night or two there.

Guapi/Gorgona Island

From Buenaventura, there’s a boat that goes to the coastal town of Guapi, located in the department of Cauca.

There’s not much to see or do there and the town has a noticeable FARC presence, I ended up staying there for three nights — but only really recommend it as a place to catch a boat to the Island of Gorgona.

Gorgona is known as Colombia’s “Alcatraz” — which is home to a now abandoned prison which was converted into a national park and is an excellent scuba diving destination.

Because it is now a national park, the number of people who can be on the island at any given time is limited by the government - so you must organize the trip through an agency.

I did this through Destino Pacifico in Cali.

Another option to arrive in Gorgona, instead of the four-hour boat from Buenaventura, is to fly to Guapi from Cali — then take the 1.5 hour boat to Gorgona. This can all be arranged through the agency.

I went to Gorgona specifically to scuba dive and it was great, I spent two nights there and got four dives in where I saw lots of different types of fish as well as a massive turtle and a shark.

On land, the accommodations were comfortable, guests stay in former the barracks of the prison officials and are provided three meals a day which were good and all sourced locally.

The tour of the prison was interesting, from it’s beginning as a prison for communists in the 1960s to its latter use to house Colombia’s worst type of criminals. It is overrun with vegetation but maintained well enough to give visitors a good idea of how brutal it must’ve been to be an inmate there.

The island is home to eighteen different species of snakes, four of which are venomous and as such, tourists aren’t allowed to roam freely on the island.

The area that guests can access is quite limited, including the beach which isn’t very good especially during high tide when the water comes up to the land. There are many local monkeys on the island and they are friendly, but will steal your food. I lost a couple of arepas while eating breakfast on the patio.

Overall, I would only recommend a trip to Gorgona Island if you plan on scuba diving there.  

Buenaventura 🇨🇴 Overall

Buenaventura is worth a visit if you’re already in Cali — and want to see the Pacific coast, go on a jungle trek, scuba dive or just visit a city where few gringos dare to venture.

I don’t recommend going to the city itself for more than a night or two — it’s still quite dangerous and the wrong people may notice you.

So keep your stay there limited, enjoy the seafood and talking to friendly locals, but plan to be back to the relative safety of Cali ASAP.

Overall…

Buenaventura is an adventure!

It ‘twas but my first weekend in the budding metropolis of Bogota, Colombia 🇨🇴

A metropolis known for wild nightlife.

I has fren traveling with, we will call him Davecito — and Davecito knew other good ser living in Bogota. Other good ser will be referred to as Don Juan.

So we decided to meet with Don Juan and go out for big rumba that night.

We meet Don Juan at his apartment to enjoy somes whiskey before fiesta. Fren has cosas, but ser Jake Nomada no partake.

Then we head to club for rumba.

Is my first night to party in Colombia, so excitement is elevated mucho.

But club is dead.

So we go to another spot next door. Also dead. Why? Because it was not payday that week and no good sers in Colombia had monies.

Don Juan, who has been living in Bogota, decides to invite his rolodex of Tinder girls to club in this moment.

We start drinking more and more.

Two purty girls show up to club and Don Juan introduces them to me.

We start dancing with the girls, dr…

Read more

I was enjoying the hell out of my first month in the coastal city of Barranquilla, Colombia.

My Welsh fren Dave and I had rented a nice high-rise apartment and were living the most degenerate of lifestyles.

Wake up around noon. Go to the gym. Grab some lunch. Go on a Tinder date. Makes amor. Maybe squeeze 2-3 hours of work in. Then go on another date or go to the club for a lil’ rumba.

Mucho focus on dating and mating.

We even had our buddy Kyle Trouble come visit us for some degeneracy.

It was the best of times.

Until it wasn’t…

Third-World Tings’

We had made frens with the doorman at this building.

P.S: You should always make frens with the doorman at the building your staying at in Colombia. ALWAYS.

He loved to talk shit and found it hilarious the gringos were bringing back girl after girl after girl to the apartment.

We’d get a pizza delivered and give him a slice.

Or grab a 12-pack of beer and leave him a couple to down after his shift.

He was the homie.

Which ended up coming in handy when shit hit the proverbial fan one afternoon…

And by handy, I mean annoying as hell.

It was around dusk and my fren Dave and I decided it was time for some dinner. We called a cab and were planning to hit one of our favorite restaurants in town — a little Italian place nearby.

We get into the elevator on the 9th floor and start to head down.

Everything seemed normal as the elevator headed down, then…

The lights go out, the elevator turns pitch black. We hear a loud crashing noise.

We start free-falling.

Dropping.

Nothing holding us up.

My stomach goes up into my throat. I feel like I’m about to vomit. This is worse than any turbulence I’ve ever felt.

I can’t even see Dave as we fall because it’s pitch black in the elevator.

I’m literally thinking this elevator is going to crash at the bottom and we’re about to die a miserable death.

These things happen in the third-world from time to time.

But finally…

Then the elevator abruptly stops. Bouncing, hanging around — but not free-falling any longer.

It seems I’m still alive.

I reach for my phone.

Turn on the flashlight and see Dave. He’s whiter than normal, a fucking ghost — with a look of pure horror on his face:

I yell over to him: “What the fuck was that, man?! I thought we were going to die!”

Dave: “Me too! We gotta get the fuck out of here. This clearly isn’t safe.”

I start pushing the emergency button in the elevator feverishly.

The doorman, our buddy, gets on the line and starts trying to calm us down:

“We have the firetruck on the way. They will help you. Just relax. It’s ok!”

The fuck?! We just almost died, G.

Then we hear a noise, the elevator starts to drop again for a second. My stomach right back up into my throat.

FUCK!

“Dave, we gotta get outta here! This thing is going to keep falling!”

I push the top of the ceiling and se if there’s anyway we can maybe climb out. I don’t see many good options.

I start tinkering with the door, Dave shinning his cellphone light on it.

I find a latch and pull it with all my strength.

Pulling the latch gives us half-inch opening of the door and some light.

I try to look out…

The elevator is suspended in mid-air between two different floors.

The little crack is enough to fit a finger in.

I put both hands, one above the other, inside the crack and use every ounce of strength in my body to pry the doors apart.

After ten-seconds or so, the doors break and fly open.

I grab the floor in the middle of the elevator and swing out from under like it’s a tree-branch.

Dave immediately follows.

We’re both shaking in fear. Breathing like we just ran a 400-meter dash.

I look around and notice we are on the 3rd-floor. We live on the 9th-floor.

So we basically free-fell six-floors in an elevator in Barranquilla, Colombia — a very third-world place.

No one would have been surprised if the elevator feel straight to the bottom of the building here.

SUPERMAN

We walk down the stairs and the doorman greets us. He’s literally got tears in his eyes he is laughing so hard.

He keeps point at me and acting like he’s ripping his shirt apart.

I’m baffled…

“What’s so funny, man? The fuck! We almost died.”

He keeps laughing, “You guys have got to see this…come here.”

He walks us over to the computer where the security cameras are and starts rewinding until he gets to the part where I’m prying the doors apart.

He opens us his phone and pulls up a video:

“Watch you, then watch this.”

I watch the video of myself opening the doors and then look at his phone…

The fucker has a video of Superman ripping his shirt off.

He starts rolling in laughter again:

“SUPERMAN! SUPERMAN!” in a shitty Colombian english accent

Fuck off!

I was pissed, but couldn’t help but see the humor in it as we head off to dinner.

However…

For the rest of our time in Barranquilla, a couple of things happened:

We never rode the elevator again. Walking up and down nine flights of stairs multiple times a day.

Every doorman at the building greeted me as “SUPERMAN!” for the rest of the trip.

Both are world-famous beach town in “La Costa” of Colombia. Those two destinations are a “must” visit if you’re heading to Colombia for a quick trip.

They’re both worth a week or a week of your time.

But would I spend more than a week in either of these spots…

Hell no!

Both of these spots are packed to the gills with gringos and accordingly, hustlers trying to scam said gringos and tourists.

Luckily…

“La Costa” in Colombia offers a few other preferable options.

There a few “off-the-beaten-path” destination in this region. Places where you can find great hotels and Airbnb options with fast WiFi, stunningly sexy Colombianas, and a pleasant place to base up.

Colombianas that has never met a gringo before and are more than curious, sers.

Below you’ll find detailed intel on one of my favorite cities in this area — that meets all the criteria above.

Located in the middle of nowhere, this city classifies as one of those Hidden Gems you’ve probably never heard of.

Monteria, Colombia 🇨🇴

Population

500K people in the metro area

Weather

I’ll be honest with you…

If you’re not used to hot and humid cities, Monteria is gonna feel like absolute hell from mid-morning until dusk.

It is HOT in Monteria — hell, in all of “La Costa” in Colombia.

The temperature here ranges from mid-70s to low-90s all year.

It rains here often. Pretty much year around. As such, you can’t really avoid the rain outside of January through March.

Not a city for people who prefer cooler climates, but if you’re fine with a little heat and humidity…you might love it here.

Why Visit Monteria, Colombia?

Well…

Honestly, most of you should NOT visit Monteria.

It’s hot as hell. It rains a lot. It’s hard to get to. Some would call it unsafe. Most would consider it a “shithole” city.

However…

One of my favorite trips of all-time involved visiting Monteria for 4 nights with two good buddies.

We partied hard as hell.

Make amor noice bunda, ser.

Visited one of my favorite beach towns in Colombia.

Then met the coolest Colombian bro of all-time.

So yeah, I’m more than fond of the place. Here’s a few things I love about Monteria:

It’s *Kinda* Nice

While on paper Monteria is “shithole” in every sense of the words, it’s actually a nice place in many ways.

The city is pretty clean. There’s walkable neighborhoods. There’s a couple very nice malls and a couple great hotels.

The people are also super friendly, which I’ll talk about again here below.

Montería has also changed a lot in recent years. The recent transformation of Ronda del Sinú is incredible and is considered the largest lineal park in all LatAm.

It’s an up-and-coming city in many ways — developing and improving rapidly.

Not Packed with Gringos

I did not see a single gringo during my time in Monteria that I did not already personally know.

There are no other foreigners here.

If you like to get away from the gringo crowds in Medellin and Cartagena, you might love what Monteria has to offer.

However, there is a caveat with this…

You’ll definitely need to speak Spanish.

Great Beaches Close By

If you love beaches, I’ve got good news and bad news.

There are no beaches in Monteria itself. None. It’s not a beach city.

However, you can find the nearest beach only one-hour away.

The most popular beach town near Monteria is Covenas — which is an 80-minute drive from the city.

This is a decent beach town, especially if you want to chill out with local Costenos and party on the weekends.

Then there’s one of my favorite beach towns in all of Colombia…

Isla Fuerte

I’ll be honest: this adds a ton of value to Monteria, as you can be on this pristine, virgin Caribbean island in less than two-hours’ drive + boat ride from the city

It’s insanely beautiful and offers amazing snorkeling. There’s even surf here.

Plus, the best hostel on the island is amazing:

La Playita

Nice hostel complete with beach volleyball, a bar overlooking the Caribbean, perfect waters for snorkeling, and a friendly owner who lives there most of the year.

True paradise…10/10 recommendation.

How To Get To Monteria

Monteria is not an easy place to get to.

In fact, it’s downright difficult to get here. Truly…

In. The. Middle. Of. Nowhere.

But that’s one of the main reasons there’s no gringos here, so some would call it a feature — not a bug.

There are no international direct flights to Monteria.

To fly into Monteria, you’ll have to first get to one of these cities:

• Bogota

• Medellin

• Cali

• Barranquilla

From these cities, you’ll have direct flights available to Monteria from a variety of domestic airlines, including:

• Avianca

• LatAm

• Viva Air

• EasyFly

Learn more here.

This would be the recommended way to get to Monteria. One-way flights from these cities will be $40-100 bucks. Pretty cheap.

Of course, you could also take the bus.

The only route we’d recommend taking the bus to Monteria from would be:

Cartagena - Monteria

This bus ride will be 5-6 hours long and you won’t have to do through a bunch of mountain roads.

Probably will cost you $15-25 USD.

Do NOT take the bus from Bogota, Cali, or Medellin.

That will be a miserable trip. Te lo juro.

Best Neighborhoods in Monteria 🇨🇴

As Monteria is a pretty small city, you won’t have a ton of neighborhood options here.

In fact, there’s only a few areas I’d recommend in the city — not even sure they’re neighborhoods.

But let’s break it down…

The one “neighborhood” I’d recommend staying in Monteria is:

El Recreo

In this area, there are two “vortex zones” — near the Buenavista Mall or close to Pasaje del Sol, the “zona rosa” area in Monteria.

Both of these areas offer nice hotels and Airbnb options, walking distance to bars and restaurants, and are safe.

This is the area where the rich live in Monteria.

The only other option in the city is to stay at the GHL Hotel, which is connected to another huge mall in the city — Alamedas Mall.

This would offer insane convenience, as the hotel is super nice and the mall has a SmartFit, restaurants, and bars all inside.

Personally, I will probably stay at the GHL Hotel on my next trip to Monteria — but you can’t go wrong staying in El Recreo either.

Where to Stay in Monteria?

As a smaller city with not a ton of tourism, there’s not that many great lodging options.

I’ve found three hotels I really like, along with a handful of Airbnbs.

But don’t expect to find the perfect apartment here…

I put these filters on Airbnb in the whole city:

• Entire Apartment

• Washer

• Pool

• Air Conditioning

• WiFi

17 TOTAL OPTIONS IN THE WHOLE CITY!

So there aren’t many great Airbnb options here. In fact, this is definitely a city I’d recommend staying in a hotel in — as the hotels seem to be of way higher quality than the apartments.

But here’s a few good Airbnb options before we dig into hotels:

• Located next to Buenavista Mall w/ a pool

• Located next to Buenavista Mall w/ a pool

Overall, I believe hotels to be better. I’d 100% stay at one of these three hotels if you’re going to be in Monteria for a week or two.

Hotel Sites

Located in between Buenavista Mall and the Zona Rosa in Monteria, this hotel offers an ideal location in the city — in the richest part of town.

In my opinion, this is also the nicest hotel in the city — with a great rooftop pool and acceptable gym.

Learn more here.

Hotel GHL

This hotel is almost as nice as Hotel Sites and offers an equally ideal location, as mentioned above.

Connected to one of the nicest malls in the city, you’ll have access to the mall, the SmartFit, and a great rooftop pool.

Learn more here.

Hotel Parque del Sol

The other hotels listed above are newer and nicer than Hotel Parque del Sol. However, this hotel is in the perfect location - within a 2-3 minute walk to the best nightlife Monteria has to offer.

There’s also a solid gym next door. This is the cheaper option in Monteria, but still quite nice.

Learn more here.

Cost of Living

Monteria is VERY cheap when compared to other cities in “La Costa Caribe” — like Santa Marta and Cartagena.

You could easily live here for a month on $1,200-2,500 USD.

Anything over $2,000 bucks a month and you’re living like a king in Monteria.

Here’s a brief breakdown of costs on a monthly bases in USD:

• Nice Hotel: $750-$1500

• Nice Airbnb: $500-1,200

• Maid: $150-300

• Groceries: $200-400

• Restaurants: $300-500

• Gym: $20-40

• Partying/Social: $250-500

• Cell Data: $10-20

As you can see, Monteria is dirt cheap. You’ll get great value for your money here.

One of the better “hidden gems” if you’re on a budget and speak Spanish decently.

Is Monteria, Colombia Safe?

Well, it’s still Colombia…

So Monteria is NOT 100% safe.

My good Colombian friend was robbed at gunpoint here — but he has lived here his whole life and that only has happened once.

Super safe cities in Latin America are generally Montevideo, Uruguay or maybe Florianópolis, Brazil.

However…

Monteria is certainly safer than you’d expect.

There’s very little cartel violence here. There’s little murders.

It’s considered safe by Colombian standards.

This is not Buenaventura or Tumaco.

Also…

You also will find significantly less scopolamine here than Medellin or Bogota. Almost none!

Which is probably the most important thing when talking about safety in Colombia.

The biggest things with Monteria are:

1. Do NOT use your phone on the streets.

2. Pay attention when motorbikes are cruising by — most street crime in Colombia is committed by a man on a motorbike.

3. Do NOT get too wasted at night unless you’re in a group of people you trust. Rolling solo and wasted in Colombia is not ideal.

4. Never let someone give you a drink at a bar or let a girl pour your drink.

If you can follow those rules, you should NOT have any issue here — especially if you stay in one of the nicer hotels in Monteria recommended above.

Dating in Monteria

You might be the only gringo in town…

Which is ideal, ser ;)

The women here are of fine Colombiana stock. Long jet-black hair, insane bodies, and friendly personalities.

The women look damn good in Monteria.

As such…

You should have fantastic dating options while in Monteria. Punto.

During my short time here, I met a pretty hot chick. Insane body. Fake latina blonde hair. Fuck, I’m reminiscing now and getting hornt just thinking about her.

I’ve more than sowed my oats and this is the only girl I’ve ever met, and excuse my vulgarity, that had “good pussy”

Like the actual sexual organ itself was insanely good. Like so good it made you want to hit it every hour on the hour.

I won’t go further, but you get my drift. She slapped.

The only issue with dating here is this:

It’s a small city.

You will run out of women on apps here quickly.

After a bender weekend or two, you’ll be known in the nightlife scene.

It’s not that small, but it’s small enough where you will run out of options after 2-4 weeks depending on your work rate.

Luckily…

You can get away with being a “perro” on the Caribbean coast of Colombia. It’s part of the culture.

Just tread lightly if you plan to stay more than a few weeks.

Nightlife in Monteria, Colombia

Monteria offers good to great nightlife.

You’ll enjoy partying in la costa.

The best clubs here can be found in “Pasaje del Sol” — which is like a “mini-Lleras” if you’ve ever been to Medellin.

Here’s the top spots:

Milagro

Best high-end club in town by a mile. No competition whatsoever. Here you will find hot girls, good music, and hot girls.

Milagro is by far the best club in Monteria. 

Why? 

Exclusivity my friend. 

You’ll have to pay 10k-20k pesos just to get in. That’s like $6 USD, which is expensive in Monteria. 

Lab Club

Electronic music, guaracha, EDM and house — ONLY.

Not a big fan of this place, not because I don’t like this type of music.

If this is your style of party, you’ll love it here. The women do look good here too.

La Licorera 

My favorite club in Montería! 

Why?

This is a less fancy, middle-class club. You’ll find down to earth people here, but certainly not pobres. The women are also fire.

In regards to the music, you’ll find reggaeton at its finest. Maybe one bachata song or a little merengue, but mainly puro perreo.

Here people don't care if you’re rich or poor. Everyone just wants to have a good time.  

Sagrada

This club is in a different area. It’s like 15 minutes from “Pasaje del sol” and a little rougher of a bario.

It’s located in a zone called “La 41”

A whole entire street, with both sides filled with clubs. Like 15+ bars and clubs. People going in and out of the clubs. 

Absolute rumba chaos.

Personally, I would only recommend Sagrada. By far the best club here.

Things to Know about Partying in Monteria

La Cotsa is a whole different animal when talking about Colombia and LatAm overall.

You’ve gotta know how to maneuver here, especially at night.

Here’s a few tips:

Party Starts after 11 p.m

This is very important.

Nobody goes out early here. This is not Bogota. Plan to get to the club and get a table around 11-11:30PM.

Laid-back Clothing

This isn’t a “suited-up” city. It’s too damn hot.

Jeans and a v-neck or a short-sleeve button down is all that’s required.

I would wear boots or dress shoes — no sneakers.

Overall, it’s way more chill attire here at night than in other parts of Colombia

Costeñas HATE Drunks

It doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pitt, costeñas would avoid like the plague if you’re too wasted.

People go out to dance the night away, mingle, and have a few drinks — not to get shitfaced.

If you’re looking to mate here, don’t get too drunk.

Girls in la costa also expect stallion-esque bedroom performances. So less booze helps.

Latino Culture

Learn how to move. Make sure you know how to dance to reggaeton and merengue.

Thank me later.

Latinos love dancing, but even more-so on the Colombian coast.

P.S: typical cute Costenas, they get much hotter…

Cool Tings’ to Do

This is NOT a tourist destination. As such, you won’t find anything you MUST do while here.

There’s really not a lot here, which is why no gringos come here.

But if you must take a photo for Instagram or something, well, here’s a few things to do:

Pasaje del Sol

Monteria’s most famous nightlife location. I call it a “Mini-Lleras”

Tons of great restaurants, bars, and clubs here. Very walkable. Nice area overall.

Take a “Planchon”

Monteria is divided in two parts by a river called Rio Sinú.

There are two bridges to cross the city, but if you happen to be walking in the northern part of the city and have to cross the river…

Might as well cross it by a wooden craft boat. Do this just before sunset and you’ll have one of the best views in Monteria. 

Muzac Art Museum

If you’re into art and painting, you should visit this little modern art museum located in Ronda del Norte.

Ronda del Norte

This is the best place to enjoy nature in Monteria. There’s jogging trails and a nice “mirador” to watch the sunset over the river from.

Martial Arts in Monteria, Colombia

I did not train here on my short trip, however, martial arts does NOT seem to be popular.

There is no BJJ gym.

There is one small boxing gym.

Not a martial arts hotspot by any means.

Medical Care

My friend who lives here needs an ACL repair.

He is going to get that done in Medellin — not in Monteria.

I would not recommend getting any medical care here. Punto.

Recommended Length of Stay

You could stay here for as little or as long as you’d like.

One week is more than enough to cover all the basics, see the whole city, and visit all the tourist sites.

The perfect trip would be 1-2 weeks.

On the flipside, you could stay here 2-4 months, get a smokeshow Colombiana girlfriend, and live on the cheap.

All depends what you’re looking for.

I’d say the place would get boring after 2-4 months, but I’d be willing to go back and find out ;)

Monteria 🇨🇴 Overall

This is a small, super “hidden gem” of a city on the Colombian coast.

If you speak Spanish, love Colombian girls, and want to get off-the-beaten-path, then I’d 100% recommend it.

The nightlife is pumping, there’s some nice hotels, the women are insane, and there’s no other gringos.

If you’re looking for a city with a bunch of things to do, you’ll hate it here.

For me, I’ll for sure be going back.

Te lo juro.

The irate female Airbnb host was screaming into the phone — when she had just cancelled my booking after falsely accusing me of…

This happened several years ago in the Colombian capital of Bogota.

I had already been there for a few weeks, when a friend of mine from Canada who had just been laid off from his job at the oil rigs asked if he could join me. He wanted to travel around the country for a few weeks.

Of course, I said yes.

After picking him up at the airport, we settled into my studio suite with two beds. We decided to book another apartment in a nicer part of the city for the following day.

*This is a guest post from a true LatAm OG: Scotian*

I was in Chapinero, a sort of middle-class barrio — which was a bit too grimy for my gringo buddy who, at the time, was an unseasoned traveler in third-world shitholes.

We decided to book a comfortable looking two-bedroom place near the much nicer Zona T area of Bogota, which has a lot of really good nightlife and dining options.

Zona T is safer than Chapinero, and frequented by a more educated, upper-class crowd — so was a better fit for my newly arrived friend, who spoke zero Spanish.

P.S: Learn Spanish, fellas — is simple these days.

I paid for the reservation through my Airbnb account, booking the apartment for a week at a cost of around $600.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly, as per usual during the years I’d been previously using the site.

The following morning as we prepared to check out of the apartment in Chapinero, I logged onto Airbnb to get the address of the new rental before we went ahead and called a taxi…

Then I noticed that the reservation had been cancelled, minus the deposit of around $60.

I was a bit confused as to why the reservation was cancelled and informed my friend — who also thought it was odd. But we weren’t overly concerned.

We figured that the host must’ve had some type of issue with the place and it suddenly wasn’t available.

Banned For Life…

We thought that we would just have to book another apartment or perhaps stay another night in Chapinero — maybe look for a different hotel to stay at.

I was concerned about the loss of the security deposit and noticed that the host’s contact info was available on the website. So I decided to call her over Skype and see if I could get the deposit money back.

Her number was from a country in Europe, so she wasn’t in Bogota, likely a Colombian living overseas who had real estate back home that she was letting out to travelers.

An upper-class Colombiana.

I expected her to be friendly, as most Colombians are, and perhaps a bit more understanding of foreign travelers — since she was living abroad as well.

Boy was I ever wrong!

The call went something like this…

Me: “Hi, I’m Scotian the guy who booked your apartment in Bogota through Airbnb. I’m calling to ask why it was cancelled, so I can get my deposit back.”

Her: “Was that you who sent me those dirty pictures last night?”

Me:  No, what are you talking about? I didn’t send you any pictures last night.

Her: “Well, you were probably drunk and on drugs, I recognize your hand from your Airbnb profile pic, it’s the same hand as in those dirty pictures that you sent me!”

Me: “Woah lady, I didn’t send you any pictures, I just wanted to stay in your apartment.”

Her: Don’t you dare go to the apartment you pervert, the doorman has a gun and he will shoot you!

Realizing that this lady was totally bonkers and that there was no reasoning with her, I politely ended the call.

My friend who overheard the conversation, asked me what the hell all that was about, so I explained to him that this crazy host thought I had sent her explicit pictures the previous night and cancelled our reservation.

We were both flabbergasted, we had gone out for a few drinks the night before but nothing too crazy.

Besides, I would never do something so stupid…

Who in their right mind would send dick pics to an Airbnb host?!

Thus, jeopardizing their membership on such a useful site for world travelers. 

Now, this occurred a few years back, in early 2015 if I remember correctly, and up until that point, I had used Airbnb all over the world.

I had several positive reviews from hosts all over the word — including in Australia, the Philippines, Canada, Colombia, etc.

Back in those days, I was a hard partier and a bit of a poon-hound too, but sending unsolicited pics of my cock to any girl, never mind an Airbnb host would’ve been — and continues to be — so uncharacteristic of me that the whole episode left me dazed and confused.

After a few minutes of laughing at how bizarre the entire episode was, I then decided to contact Airbnb to inform them of what happened and to ask for my deposit back.

I contacted them by email through the Airbnb website and basically described the above scenario.

Fortunately, they refunded my deposit and then told me that they would review the incident and get back to me.

My friend and I found another place to stay and laughed the whole thing off, believing that Airbnb would surely take my side — as it was the host’s word against mine and she had no proof of the alleged dick pics.

Well, we were wrong.

A couple of days later, I was informed by Airbnb that not only had they taken the host’s side and believed her story…

But I was also banned for life from ever booking on Airbnb again and that there was nothing that I could do to reverse the decision.

I was and still am…

Banned from Airbnb for life.

Once again, I was shocked and totally caught off guard that the company would take her side given that she  couldn’t possibly have provided them with any evidence — because the entire story of me sending pics of my penis was false.

Or was it?

My friend and I were at a loss as to how this could’ve happened, so we reached out to a few other people we knew who had experience with the website, including a few friends who worked in tech.

Obviously the first question was:

“Scotian, did you do it, bro?”

Obviously I denied it and still do, it simply didn’t happen.

A couple of other guys thought that maybe she got caught sexting by her husband and made this all up to cover her infidelity. I suppose that could’ve happened.

There were a couple of other scenarios tossed around that could’ve explained why this woman would’ve done this to me and the most likely one is pretty hilarious. Although, it pisses me off to think about it.

But even after all of these years, this one makes the most sense:

One of my friends who I told the story to asked me if I had an old cell phone number associated with my Airbnb account, which I did. I had moved to another city in Canada a few months previously. So I had a new cell number, but had forgotten to update my number on the website.

He figured that the host must’ve contacted that cell number on WhatsApp or a similar messaging app and reached another person, who was assigned my previous number by the Canadian mobile provider.

So instead of being a normal human being and informing the host that she had the wrong number, this jackass must’ve gone ahead and sent her a bunch of explicit dick pics.

Which would explain why she cancelled my reservation and freaked out at me the following day when I reached out to her.

El Fin

So that’s it.

I think it’s the most likely scenario — that some other guy had my old Canadian number and decided to spam the host dick pics for shits and giggles.

I can laugh when I tell people the story, which I’ve had to a few times over the years when I need to explain why I was banned from Airbnb — the popular website that every traveler in the world uses.

It’s always an awkward conversation at first, but ends up being funny.

I’d like to give the guy who did this a swift kick in the nuts because not being able to use the website has been detrimental to my travel plans over the years.

I contacted Airbnb a few years later and they reviewed my case, but stuck by their decision.

For the past few years, I’ve been staying at hotels and apartments that I’ve found on Booking.com and VRBO — but neither site has nearly as many options as Airbnb does, which sucks for me.

Thanks for reading and if you have a rental apartment in Latin America that you’d like to rent to me, please reach out…

I promise that I won’t send you a pic of my dick!

Maybe you're already here — stuck in a cafe in Bogota with the rain pouring wishing for warm wind and sea water — but not wanting to catch an international flight.

Maybe you just want to add something to the Colombia itinerary. Perhaps…beaches, sunshine, and surfing?

Look no further…

Guest post from the Twitter broski: Ortolan

Palomino is where it’s at if you want:

• Chill out

• Partake in “cosas”

• Enjoy beach time

• Maybe do a lil’ surfing

• Go tubing on the river

Nightlife? Not a lot. Modern amenities? No, ser. Kinda developed? Hell no.

For the in-depth intel on the best “off-the-beaten-path” beach town in Colombia…

¡Vámonos!

How to Get to Palomino 🇨🇴

Fly to Santa Marta.

Cheap flights from anywhere inside Colombia.

Learn more here.

Spend as much time as you feel like there, but personally I don't find it a very thrilling spot.

It's the best way to jump off to Minca and Parque Tayrona, but beyond that Santa Marta doesn't have a ton to offer.

P.S: Worst women in Colombia ;(

Once you’re in Santa Marta…

There are super cheap buses, 10k COP, that leave regularly from the Mercado Público de Santa Marta.

All you have to do is say the words "Palomino" a bunch and they will take your big luggage disinterestedly, shove it in the back of their bus, and point to where you should sit.

Sit on the left side. It takes about two hours and it's relatively uncomfortable, but it's fun to look out the window at the scene as it passes you by.

Arriving in Palomino…

Once you get there, the bus drops you off at a big gas station area.

They have this “mototaxi/rickshaw” combos, so don't be afraid to bring heavy/large luggage, it'll fit on the back of these taxis.

Surprisingly, the taxi costs about the same as the bus depending on how nice the driver is — about 10k COP. Don't walk if you're staying by the beach. The roads suck ass and are muddy. Even if it looks like 10 mins, it's not worth it.

When to Visit Palomino, Colombia

Avoid September and October, which is rainy season.

Best time would be January through April.

But you'll probably never really avoid a rainy day or two per week because of the proximity to the mountains.

With that said, I was there in August and it only rained from 5PM through the night — with the daytime being amazing and clear.

Where to Stay

Basically, Palomino is divided by one main road that goes to the beach from the main road.

You don't want to stay anywhere near the main road.

There is poverty there that will make you understand why the Venezuelans went full socialism and why the Colombians voted for Petro.

It's not pretty, but it is a good spot to do grocery shopping and get some cheaper food. You want to stay on the beach

To the left of the road to the beach is where it's at -- underdeveloped and beautiful, virgin feeling land -- but there isn't a lot of places to stay.

Frankly, I think there's only one spot worth staying at in all of Palomino, but it's not as cheap as you’d think…

Best Airbnb Spot

I stayed there for two weeks and it was fucking awesome: Good wifi, good AC, awesome clean pool, friendly, helpful staff, fully functional and well equipped kitchen, etc.

It's also in the best area of Palomino by far. I walked up and down the main beach, between the two rivers, and this Airbnb and general area are the best places to stay by far. You cannot beat the proximity to the beach and amenities.

To the right of the main road is a bunch of resorts and where the main Selina hostel is.

The problem with that part of Palomino is that it is highly, highly eroded.

Just look at this photo…

As you can see, the sea has trashed the coast and made it incredibly ugly. The locals have tried to remedy this problem by adding these huge black tires to the beach, I assume, and that's not exactly aesthetically pleasing either.

Again, I don't know much about the other resorts or hotels, but that was enough for me to confidently tell you not to stay there.

If you want budget accommodation just stay at the Selina — but book a private room.

Things to Do in Palomino, Colombia 🇨🇴

So let’s break this down…

Palomino is not a party town.

The Selina Hostel and a couple other spots are ok, but nothing crazy.

What you come here for is to chill.

It's also not exactly a great spot to meet girls. Especially not locals. There were a lot of couples and the few single girls I met were with friends staying at hostels. You know how that game goes.

I would either come to Palomino with a girl or, you know, focus on yourself, king.

But…

The beach is legit.

Depending on the day, it’s swimmable. There can be a pretty rough current, so this isn't like lounging in a lagoon. Expect decent size waves.

With that said, the beach is waste high for about 100 meters — so it's not crazy. You can rent a surfboard also, but the waves aren't huge.

Good place for beginner surfers or intermediate and probably one of the best surf spots in Colombia — but not great.

The idea with Palomino is to grab a beach towel and get some sun under some coconut trees. Meet some locals and get some psychedelics or weed from them, buy some beers from the guy on the beach selling them, and just enjoy the chill beach life.

Tranquilo.

Palomino is under developed as fuck, so you are not going to deal with resorts and the scum that comes with them.

The beaches are clean and open, plenty of room for everyone. In the area I describe above, it will feel like you are in virgin territory, with no hotels or houses. That's probably the best part of the area.

There are also great sunsets…

It's worth walking to the left of the road to hit this cool little village on stilts. I wouldn't get the food there, it's wildly overpriced for some reason — my guess is they want to price gauge gringos like me, but who knows.

Between the main road and that village is a stretch of the best beach in Palomino, and it's all fairly underdeveloped. Walk there, stick your legs in the cool water of the river, and admire where the river enters the sea and catch a crazy dope sunset. Maybe grab a beer at the stilt village.

Go river tubing.

Basically, a ton of dudes are on the main road offering the tubing experience. It's all the same people. Just walk up, say you want to go tubing, and they'll take you.