It’s around 9:00AM. I’m drinking my first coffee of the day, basically waking up at this point.

Just having a nice little stroll around with my girl and our first-born daughter. Nothing too crazy. We’d been staying in an Airbnb at the marina and enjoying our morning walks looking at all the yachts.

About 100 yards in front of us, I see a big group of people. Lively, way too energized for this time of the day, but I don’t think too much of it.

We keep walking towards them.

I can see the group a bit clearer now. There’s like 40+ dudes, zero women.

This is Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand what’s happening here.

No big deal.

We keep walking towards them.

The picture keeps getting clearer. They’re highly animated. Smiling, giggling, prancing around. They keep touching each other, slapping each other’s ass.

Just a full-on middle-school game of grab ass between a bunch of gays.

I’m slightly annoyed at the level of flamboyance. My girl isn’t thrilled either. Whatever, when in Rome and shit.

We keep walking towards them.

We’re about 10 yards away from them now and I notice something odd.

They’re animated, hand movements all over the place, but it’s too much. Too over the top. This isn’t normal forms of communication — even for a flamboyantly gay group.

Then it hits me.

I understand the reality of the situation, and I find it humorous.

I try to contain myself. I try my hardest not to laugh. But I can’t contain myself.

I burst out laughing.

I’m on the verge of tears I’m laughing so hard. My girl is looking at me with one of those “WTF is wrong with you?!” faces.

I try to get it together, but the gaggle of gays has already noticed my laughing. A few of them are staring at me.

We speed up as we walk by them, trying to get away as fast as we can.

Once we're clear of them, my girl turns to me, “Why were you laughing at them?! What happened?! WTF!”

I calm myself down…

“Amor, did you realize what that was?”

She’s confused, “It was a group of gays…”

“Si amor, but you missed something. Something important.”

She’s still confused, “What?!”

“They were deaf gays. They can’t hear. That’s why their hand movements were all over the place and so animated. So flamboyant. It was a group of deaf gays on a trip to Puerto Vallarta to enjoy a vacation filled with…well, I don’t really want to think about the specifics.”

Her jaw drops, she starts laughing too.

We look back as we’ve now got some distance between the deaf gays and us. They’re still playing grab ass, still animated, still flamboyant.

We make it back to our Airbnb apartment without further issue. My girl immediately turns to me once we’re inside:

“I don’t think Puerto Vallarta is somewhere we could raise our family.”

I nod in agreement.

At least we weren’t staying in the Zona Romántica on this trip…

The employee at the US Embassy in Guadalajara, Mexico looked confused. Astonished. Baffled.

“We’ve done this a few times before” I replied.

In fact, we’d done it many a times. They don’t call me “El Impregnador” for nothing.

P.S: No one calls me that.

This was our third baby. We had them all in Guadalajara, Mexico. All with the same gynecologist. Two of them at the same hospital. We followed the exact same birthing plan. Same pediatrician afterwards.

I’d like to think we had it systemized by the third one.

We’ve navigated the annoyances at the Registro Civil before. We’ve dealt with the drama from the Secretaría de Relaciones Exteriores prior.

‘Twas not me first rodeo.

If you’re curious about having a child in Mexico, I’ll breakdown exactly how things work below, what went well for us, pitfalls to avoid, and more.

Oh, and for reasoning behind why you might consider this, there’s a couple major benefits:

• Low Costs: It is not expensive to give birth in Mexico at modern hospitals with great doctors.

• Dual Citizenship: The baby will automatically get Mexican citizenship by birth.

• Permanent Residency: Both parents automatically qualify for permanent residency in Mexico.

All of these items will be discussed in-detail below.

A Guide to Birth Tourism in Mexico 🇲🇽

See what had happened was…

My girl, wife, baby mama, whatever you want to call her — is from Mexico. So when she got pregnant for the first time, we figured we’d have the baby in Mexico.

Just seemed like the simplest solution. Easy. No hoops to jump through.

Luckily, it was.

We’ve had three incredible births with the same gynecologist in Guadalajara, Mexico. Zero complications. Zero drama. Fantastic overall medical care. I have no complaints.

Below I’ll detail the process step-by-step for anyone interested in giving birth in Guadalajara, Mexico.

Arrival

Guadalajara has a fantastic international airport, Aeropuerto Internacional Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, with direct flights to USA, Canada, Europe, and more.

Very easy to get to:

Digging deeper…

We have traveled as a family while my girl was pregnant many times at this point. It’s not remotely difficult.

What you need to know is:

Long-haul international flights are generally a no-go after a certain point in the pregnancy.

Let’s call it third-trimester for simplicity’s sake.

This means you need to arrive in Mexico at least three months before the due date of your child.

Personally, I’d recommend arriving around four months before the child’s due date.

Why?

First, this will give your family time to get acclimated to Mexico and get comfortable.

Next, this will allow your girl to easily hide the baby bump on the flight with a hoodie or sweater. While this shouldn’t be an issue, we prefer to not to draw extra attention while traveling with pregnant people.

Now if you’re coming into Mexico as a tourist and you want to get a 180-day tourist visa, you’re going to need to show a return ticket that justifies a 180-day visa.

Book the cheapest tickets out of Mexico 175-179 days post-arrival.

Not everyone gets 180 days automatically — be prepared to show proof of accommodation, return flights, and funds if the agent questions your stay

By arriving 4-months prior to your baby’s due date and making sure to get a 180-day tourist visa for all involved, you’ll then have 2-months after the baby is born to sort out permanent residency in Mexico for your family. This is more than enough time to get it done.

And once you have the permanent residency, you won’t need to worry about the tourist visas ever again. You can stay in Mexico indefinitely.

Oh, and that will come in handy. Due to all the documentation and paperwork, you should plan to stay a minimum of 3-6 months after the child is born. This is basically a requirement if you’re US citizens, as the child won’t have US citizenship or passport for months on end.

Where to Stay

The only area in Guadalajara, Mexico I like for families is Providencia and the surrounding areas.

Basically anything around this map is ideal:

Providencia is fairly safe, walkable, filled with parks and coffee shops, etc. It’s a solid place to spend 6-12+ months with your family.

Finding an apartment in this area, however, can be brutal.

The options on Airbnb are slim and pricey. Then once you decide to look off of Airbnb for a long-term lease, you’re going to struggle to get anyone in Guadalajara to rent to you as a foreigner without an aval.

What is an aval you might ask?

An aval (sometimes written as aval bancario or just aval) is a guarantor or co-signer — it's a very common requirement in Mexican rental and financial transactions.

If you’re a foreigner, this becomes a huge barrier. How are you going to find a Mexican citizen who owns property and will basically co-sign your lease?

Massive pain in the ass.

Luckily, there’s a workaround. Far simpler. Far cheaper than Airbnb.

Read more

I first got on TRT in lovely Mazatlan back in the day.

Testosterone (TRT) over-the-counter at the pharmacy for $15-20 bucks. Modafinil on delivery. GLP-1s at a fraction of US pricing. World-class stem cell treatments in Tijuana. And bloodwork through Salud Digna so cheap you'll start getting panels done quarterly just because you can.

Here’s what’s covered inside:

• TRT

• Fertility

• GLP-1s

• HGH

• Peptides

• Nootropics

• Nicotine

• Supplements

• Stem Cells

• Psychedelic Therapy

• Anabolic Steroids

• Lab Testing

As you already know: NONE OF THIS IS MEDICAL ADVICE. This is solely my own experience — and for entertainment and educational purposes only.

Read more

Of course, we always find them.

But every now and then, there’s some collateral damage. Bruised knees, bumped head, a bit of crying here or there. No big deal.

However, things went differently on one lovely Thursday evening in Guadalajara, Mexico 🇲🇽

Locked.

After a lovely dinner, I got my two-year old out of her highchair and set her on the floor.

She’s been giggling all dinner, in a silly mood for whatever reason. Far preferable to her normal “terrible twos” disposition we’ve grown accustomed to.

But instead of going to play with her toys or bring me a book to read with her, she bolted to the master bedroom while laughing and quickly locked the door.

JA JA JA JA

“Ok, silly girl. Twist the knob the other way to open the door.”

She’s still laughing.

“Silly girl, you need to unlock the door. Twist the knob the other way, baby.”

She slowly stops laughing. I can hear her fiddling with the lock, but she can’t figure out how to unlock it.

She replies, “Daddy, I can’t do it!”

There’s a bit of stress in her voice.

“Daddy, come get me!”

Even more stress in her voice now. She’s two and starting to panic that she’s locked in a room and can’t see mommy or daddy.

I try to calm her down and see if she can open the door. It’s not happening. A panicking two-year old and a tricky lock is not a good combination.

So I have mi vieja call a locksmith, while I try to keep our little one calm to no avail. She’s crying – screaming for mommy and daddy – in a full-on panic.

The locksmith says he can get to us in 60-90 minutes.

Mierda!

That’s not gonna work. We’ve got a panicking toddler crying bloody murder already. Who knows what could happen with her alone in that room for over an hour?

I try to pick the lock myself, but it’s not happening. The door is way too thick to try and slam through it.

After a quick think, I decided to go down and talk with our security guards. See if the maintenance guy is still on call. Or if there’s anything we can do here outside of waiting for the locksmith.

Luckily, I gave our security guards cash and cigars for a little Christmas bonus, so the guard on duty immediately sprang into action. He called the maintenance guy to meet us at my apartment, grabbed a screwdriver, and went upstairs with me.

Always treat your security guards well in LatAm.

Hammer.

It’s me, the security guard, and the maintenance guy. We’ve got some screwdrivers, a sledgehammer, and a drill.

My daughter is still locked in the room screaming bloody murder at this point.

The maintenance guy goes to work taking the outside of the door frame off with the drill.

Then he begins to wedge the screwdriver into the door and bang it with the sledgehammer.

It’s loud.

It sounds like a full-on construction site inside my apartment. And I’m yelling at the top of my lungs to my daughter:

“GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, HONEY! I DON’T WANT YOU TO GET HIT BY ANYTHING”

P.S: I, Jake Nomada, am fighting back. I am The Latin Hammer™ now.

This scene continues for about 15-minutes. Progress is being made. The door completely and utterly destroyed. We’ve almost got it open.

Then I hear the doorbell ring…

I remember that my good friend and neighbor was supposed to be headed over to work on a little project we’d put together.

Incorrect.

I opened the door expecting my buddy to be there. He was not. Instead, it was my next-door neighbor, whom I’d never exchanged words with prior. Never even rode the elevator with him.

He looks a bit pissed, rightfully so I suppose. In a gruff tone, he asked me:

“What’s going on here?’“

Just as I’m about to respond, I notice something. He’s holding what appears to be a loaded gun in his right hand.

Uhhhh…

It takes me a brief second to gather my words, my ability to speak in Spanish dwindling by the millisecond:

“Welllll…my daughter locked herself in the bedroom and the maintenance guy is trying to break down the door so we can get her out.”

He glances in, sees the maintenance guy, makes a grunting noise in response, and goes directly back to his apartment.

I lock the door and go back to check on the progress. Mi vieja asks who it was. I told her it was the neighbor.

“Was he mad or something?” she asked.

“Yeah, he had a gun. I don’t think he was pleased” I replied.

“WHAT?!” She was shocked.

So was I…

Fast forward another 10 minutes or so and we get the door open. My daughter is still crying, still panicking.

I pick her up and console her. Her mom hugs us both. She slowly starts to calm down.

Uncomfortable.

I heavily tip the maintenance guy and security guard for their help. But the gun is still on my mind. I’m uncomfortable.

It’s uncomfortable having someone with a loaded gun at your front door when you do not have a gun.

So I decided to ring the neighbor’s doorbell and say sorry for the noise. Try to keep the peace and shit. Make sure he’s not pissed as hell.

Because this neighbor has a private driver that doubles as a security guard. This neighbor has multiple luxury cars. This neighbor has exceptional taste in prepagos — from what I’ve seen. This neighbor is…well, I’m sure you can guess his profession.

I ring the doorbell.

He answers.

He’s still got the loaded gun in his right hand as he opens the door. Thankfully, he sets it down on a table and steps outside.

“Hey, my bad about the noise. The locksmith couldn’t get here for over an hour, so we had to get the door off somehow. She’s two years old and was panicking.”

He smirks, “No worries. The noises were just worrying me. I didn’t know what it was.”

Which in his defense is quite valid. If I was hearing drills, hammers, a man yelling, and a child screaming next door, I’d probably go check-in too.

Just probably wouldn’t bring a loaded gun.

We shake hands and all seems well.

Confusion.

I didn’t sleep much that evening, nor did mi vieja. The tension from the evening’s events was palpable.

In all honesty, I didn’t know what to make of the situation.

Should I let it slide? Do I overreact and freak the f*ck out?

Two things kept running through my mind…

First being, I didn’t know the motivation behind my neighbor’s actions.

I don’t know the guy. We’d never interacted before. Then he brings a loaded gun to my front door. While my kids are in the house.

Was he mad and the gun was his way of threatening us to be quiet? Was he worried someone was trying to break into his apartment through my wall? Did he think something bad was happening to my family and he was being neighborly?

I hadn’t a clue.

Second being, he still had the gun in his hand when he opened the door at his place. Was he pacing around his apartment for 15-20 minutes holding the loaded gun before I rang the doorbell? Was he pissed off or was he paranoid?

Again, not a clue.

I decided to ask the security guard who helped us what he thought, as I hadn’t told him about the neighbor bringing a gun.

He laughed, “Oh him? He’s all talk, he threatens to kidnap me at least twice a year.”

Not exactly helpful.

In light of all this, I decided to call my Mexican lawyer, who has helped me through numerous situations south of the border.

I explain the whole ordeal to him, We chat for a bit, examine the situation and he delivers his verdict:

“Move out of that apartment as soon as you can!”

Ever.

My first car was an old truck my Grandpa gave me when he lost his vision. I was 15 at the time.

I drove that until college before it died on me.

Then my Dad gave me his old car with about 150,000 miles on it at the time.

I drove that during university, took it down to Miami before I left for Panama, and sold it for a whooping $600 USD to some guy who couldn’t walk and chew gum on his best day.

Since then, nearly 10+ years ago, I have not owned a car.

But after reproducing offsprings at such a rapid rate, it was time.

Why?

Well…

Putting two car seats into an Uber is an absolute nightmare. Then folding the strolling and throwing it in the trunk.

The driver snarling at you because it takes 10 minutes for you to load the fam into the Uber XL.

Not enjoyable.

Thus…

It was time to get domesticated and shit. It was time to buy a car.

P.S: This is a stim-fueled rant. Albeit, an educational one and all that jazz.

Car Shopping in Mexico 🇲🇽

Now, with two car seats and my girl and me and a stroller…

Anything with five-seats was already damn near too small.

Throw a guest, like my mother, or a dog in a five-seat SUV and the thing is filled to the brim.

I needed a 6-7 seater SUV.

But not a monstrous one, like a Suburban. Why? Because first, Suburbans are kinda for narcos in Mexico. Ya tu sabes.

Well, narcos and politicians.

Plus, the garage at my apartment is far too small for a Suburban.

I needed a 6-7 seater mid-sized SUV = Very limited options.

There’s less than 10 models on the market that fit this description and don’t look like dogshit.

Examples include:

• Toyota 4Runner

• BMW X5 / X7

• Acura MDX

• Infinit QX60

• Range Rover Sport

So I started searching online and had little luck.

Not only was there little selection, but buying from individuals in Mexico is a pain in the ass.

Gotta make sure the documents are correct.

Gotta have cash or make a bank transfer from a Mexican bank.

Just a high-risk situation, especially as a foreigner.

But after some digging, I found a massive used car lot in the mall near my house.

The place had nearly 1,000 cars on the showroom floor, accepted American credit cards, and offered a 7-day money back guarantee on any car purchased from them.

Seemed ideal.

It was NOT.

Pinche Kavak

The place I found was a massive used car chain company in Mexico called:

Kavak

No matter what you do, do NOT purchase a car from Kavak in Mexico, good sers.

Let me explain why…

For starters, no one on their sales team is on commission — or so it seemed.

No one follows you around, asking questions, seeing if you need anything, etc.

You show up and check the cars yourself.

The people working here give zero fucks if you buy a car or not. Which might sound pleasant when looking at cars, but when you actually want to make a purchase and get things done — it fucking blows.

It’s like pulling teeth to get the people that work here to do anything, much less with speed.

Next, you cannot take the car on a test drive or take it to a mechanic. The car stays on the lot until you buy it and sign all the paperwork.

They claim this isn’t an issue because you get 7-days to see if you like the car.

A MASSIVE Red flag that I ignored.

So on one Sunday afternoon, I showed up at Kavak with my Dad, who was in town to meet his new grandchild.

He’s been a “car guy” his whole life, so I figured getting his opinion would make the process a whole lot easier.

We walk the whole lot and check out maybe 15-20 models.

We finally see one we both like.

It was an:

2017 Infiniti QX60 Perfection Plus

The SUV had 7-seats and 45K miles on it. The thing seemed in perfect condition. The motor hummed when we turned it on.

The body had minimal scratches and was in great shape. There wasn’t even a scratch or ding on the bottom of the SUV, so it seemingly had not been taken off-road.

After dicking around with the car on the lot for an hour, we were sold.

We reserved the car for a week, which gave me some time to sleep on it.

After one night, both me and my dad woke up and said:

“Think we gotta buy that damn car!”

So we headed back to Kavak, got a few more details, and I put it on my American credit card.

Paid in full.

Downhill…FAST

Now, I’m thinking I’ll swipe this credit card and then sign a contract here right quick.

Then I’ll take the car home ASAP.

Wrong, gringo!

After I paid, I was told to go home and wait for a message on WhatsApp about the contract.

I was a bit confused, but I went with it.

3-4 hours later and I get a message with the contract. Process seems to be going well.

Wrong, gringo!

The contract has incorrect names, addresses, government numbers, etc.

The whole thing was a complete and utter shitshow of a contract.

I tell the lady working the contract to switch X, Y, and Z.

The minor changes seem to confuse the living hell out of her. It’s like a computer malfunctioning and simply cannot compute what it needs to do.

After going back and forth with her for over an hour to no avail, we decide to head back to the car dealership the next day and try to get it done in person.

So the next morning…

We head back to the dealership, voice our issue, and wait. And wait. And wait some more.

You would think finalizing a contract would get people moving.

Wrong, gringo!

No one gave a flying fuck again.

It was like pulling teeth to get anyone to look into the issue.

Finally, a semi-competent individual strolls over and starts explaining some things to us.

Things that we were not made aware of initially.

We iron things out and are told to wait while he goes to remake the contract…again.

After an hour of twiddling our thumbs, the guy strolls over and things start moving. I sign the contract finally.

They give me a time and date to go pick up the car…

At a different location!

The Clusterfuck Continues

So we head to the location where we are told to pick up the car at…

No dice.

The lady working there goes:

“Ohhhh! No, this is the service center. You want to go to the pick up area — 20 minutes away from here.”

Great.

So we get in another Uber and finally find the right place.

Now…

I’ll give credit where credit is due:

This is the only part of the process that goes smoothly, mainly because the one girl working here is quite sharp and gets shit done.

We show up, go over some documents with her for 30-minutes, do a full inspection of the car, and finalize things.

Then we get the keys and off we go.

The car is driving smoothly, motor humming perfectly. I’m absolutely thrilled.

My Dad is telling me this is a great car…but to make sure to get it checked by a mechanic first. Just to be safe.

So I book an appointment the following week at the Infiniti dealership.

I take the car over, drop it off, and get a call to come grab it 4-hours later.

I show up, the lady at the front desk rings me up, and I pay — but as I’m paying, I see the mechanic’s notes with 5 different issues scribbled down.

I see the word “transmisión” — and I knew then and there, I was fucked.

The head mechanic comes out and starts talking with me. Going over all the issues and the pricing.

The total cost to fix the piece of shit:

$10,000+ USD

I start grilling him a bit on the issues to see if he was just trying to scam me or not. It didn’t seem so.

Then I explain to him my “7-day money back guarantee” with Kavak and he laughs:

“Return that piece of shit tonight!”

He keeps going, basically saying that the car was going to be a nightmare and that if I can return it, I must.

It Gets Worse

So I go directly back to Kavak.

I bring the car in, go to the people working there, and show them the quote from Infiniti about the $10,000 USD in work that needs to be done.

“Yep, we can return that today!”

This is going better than I thought…

They print out the return contract, I read it, have my girl read it too, and then sign it ASAP.

At this point, I’m thinking life is good.

No harm, no foul.

It’s been a clusterfuck of a car buying nightmare, but they’ll be sending my money back to my credit card ASAP.

Wrong, gringo!

Only after signing the contract am I told that they only offer returns to Mexican bank accounts via deposit.

That they will NOT return the money to my American credit card.

Oh, and the fucking WhatsApp short bus ‘tard squad will be contacting me to make the deposit the following day.

I get up and leave. I was so pissed I couldn’t see straight.

It was pointless to spend another second speaking with them.

I get back to my crib and call my credit card company immediately, explain the situation, and send documentation of the purchase, the return, the whole nine, etc.

The credit card company assured me this wouldn’t be an issue — and that if I’d like to have the money returned to the original payment method, that wouldn’t be an issue.

But I’d have to wait 15-days before the money is sent back due to the policy of the company and how they do disputes.

Which is where I still am…

Multiple 5-figures on hold with my credit card company, me twiddling my thumbs waiting for this moronic company to accept the dispute.

Not enjoyable.

Moral of the Story

If you’re going to buy a car in Latin America…

GO TO A FRANCHISED, BRAND SPECIFIC DEALERSHIP AND BUY A NEW OR CERTIFIED USED CAR.

Never go to a used car dealership in Latin America, good sers.

No matter the price, the juice is not worth the squeeze.

Te lo juro.

If you’re looking to find somewhere new to explore in Mexico, this post is for you.

I’m about to reveal an underrated and overlooked city by many young travelers, myself included, until an opportunity presented itself to me and now this has been my home for several months. 

Firstly, this city doesn't have any hostels — so you know you're going to be one of the few tourists around. I’ve yet to meet an American or European. 

And as you already know: No gringos = hidden gem potential.

Let’s dig deeper…

Guest post by ser: Ryan Dean

Cuernavaca, Mexico 🇲🇽

Population:

Roughly 370K people.

Weather:

The perfect temperature all year round, it’s always warm!

It doesn’t matter whether you arrive in the winter or the summer, you’re going to experience sunshine and blue sky. 

The weather here triumphs the likes of Mexico City — and the air is much cleaner too.

This is why many chilangos escape the big capital and come here for a vacation or retire. It’s a warm and stable climate with abundant vegetation. 

Even from December to February (winter months) during the daytime you’re looking at a minimum of 79°F and a maximum of 83°F.

On a winter night, the lowest it’ll drop is 52°F and 61°F in the summer. 

It’s consistently great as you can see below: 

There is some rain during the summer months, but the majority of the days are still filled with sunshine and ideal weather.

This isn’t torrential downpour type of rains, like in Costa Rica.

Why Visit Cuernavaca, Mexico?

The city is host to several annual events and festivals each year, and there is often something happening at one of the downtown plazas on most weekends. 

Here’s a photo of a festival I found myself in a few weekends ago: 

I think half of Mexico was inside the main square. You couldn’t move!

Cuernavaca is renowned for its many fine restaurants offering Mexican and international cuisine.

Some of these restaurants are housed inside old colonial residences and haciendas, offering good food surrounded by attractive gardens and a colonial atmosphere.

Street food is becoming more expensive in other cities, as tourism seems to be increasing in Mexico, but that’s not the case here.

You can easily find taco stands and purchase a fantastic tasting taco al pastor for $10MXN. 

And the state of Morelos itself has a lot to offer — more details on that later — so this is a perfect city to use as a hub and explore the magnificent state. 

Within a five-mile drive of Cuernavaca’s city limits, you can enjoy hiking trails, horseback riding, crystal-clear springs, lagoons for swimming, boating + freshwater fishing, and camping.

The locals have always been friendly here, even with my limited Spanish. They welcome a young foreigner, as they don’t come across them as much compared to other cities like Cancun or Mexico City.

So yes, no gringos here is certainly a plus.

And did I mention the amazing weather?!

How to Get to Cuernavaca 🇲🇽

Basically…

You’re going to get to Mexico City on way or another. Then once in CDMX…

It’s very easy to get to Cuernavaca from Mexico City.

Go to Central Del Sur Taxquena bus station, buy a ticket to Cuernavaca, jump on the Pullman de Morelos bus and you’re away. It’ll take around 90 minutes and that’s it…

You’re in central Cuernavaca. 

While there is technically is an airport in Cuernavaca, it is only being used for charter flights currently. No domestic airlines in Mexico currently fly here.

Where to Stay in Cuernavaca, Mexico

Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a scattered city and it can take a while to get around — as there’s no metro, which I’d say is the only issue with this place.

However, knowing where to stay and using Uber fixes that problem. 

You will want to stay somewhere between “Cuernavaca Centro” and “Plaza Cuernavaca”

The plaza is an open-air mall that fits perfectly well with the great weather, and the architecture inside is sublime.

A great spot for a date or just some casual shopping…

Inside this map, you’ll find the best bars, restaurants, and places to hang out. It’s exactly where you want to stay.

Airbnb or Hotel?

Regardless of whether you’re booking a hotel or apartment, you essentially want to stay around the centro area or a bit northeast towards “Plaza Cuernavaca” while in the city.

This really the only area to stay.

It must be noted that apartment options here are not fancy. The buildings are older, “colonial” style homes and the options are limited.

Hence, the prices aren’t as cheap for similar quality lodgings — when compared to other smaller cities in Latin America — like Armenia or Ibague, Colombia.

Here’s a few Airbnb options:

• Cheap, small apartment: $400 USD a month

• Rooftop loft in centro: $1,000 USD a month

• Semi-modern apartment: $1,100 USD a month

Now, if you’re used to modern high-rise apartments while traveling, those may not be your jam. But they get the job done while in Cuernavaca.

Hotels also offer numerous options here.

One of my favorites is:

​​Suites Las Plazas

You couldn’t get more central if you tried and it's inside a small mall. You’ll have a sweet balcony that looks over the main square too. 

Nothing fancy about it but location-wise, you’re winning. 

It’s around $40 USD a night — but you have 2 double beds, a city view, and a good size room. Safe area too.

Cost of Living in Cuernavaca, Mexico 🇲🇽

While you can live here very, very cheaply, most foreign travelers will spend a bit more on accommodation here — due to the lack of inventory.

Here’s an idea of budget…

• Airbnb in the center: $800-1300 USD a month 

• Hotel in the center: $1000-2300 USD a month

• Groceries: $200-300 USD

• Eating out: $200-500 USD 

• Gym: $15-25USD

• BJJ/MMA: $25-35USD

• Partying/dating/social: $200-300 USD a month and you’d be set every weekend

• Cell data: $10 USD monthly

It all depends on how your finances are.

You could rent a dodgy flat for $300 USD, eat $10 pesos tacos, ride around on $10 pesos buses, and get obliterated on a $250 pesos bottle of tequila from an OXXO before heading out.

Living a decent life for dirt cheap.

Or…

You can live like a king for under $3,000 USD a month. 

Just depends on what you want to do. Overall, the only thing that might be expensive here is finding a modern apartment or hotel — everything is cheap as hell.

Safety

I’ve had zero issues. But of course, during nighttime have your wits about you.

The other day a taxi driver told me my neighborhood is very dangerous:

“Don’t have your phone in hand, don’t walk the streets at night, etc.”

It’s sound advice, but I’m sure the locals like to tell you how peligroso their city is. It’s just what Latinos do.

And it makes sense when you think about it…

They’ve lived in their city for decades and heard hundreds of tales of crime, petty theft, and even murder. They’re just trying to make sure a lowly gringo stays safe.

If you’ve been around Latin America, you’ve probably heard it all before.

Of course, if you look for trouble, you’ll find it, no problem.

But, I’ve had more scares with street dogs than I have with people here.

Although early one morning, I was walking to the gym and a very odd-looking guy came up to me with a fairly impressive American accent and uttered:

“I was with my dog and I was talking to this worm and I told it to take a shit.” 

I have no idea what he means and I still don’t. I just nodded, kept on walking and the drug addict carried on with whatever he was doing.

Just don’t get too complacent with your belongings if you’re traveling or walking around at night.

Statistics show the crime rate is moderate in Mexico terms, but in the areas I’ve suggested, I’ve always felt safe. Though I still wouldn’t carry my MacBook everywhere I go.

Ok, so here’s what most of you degenerates have probably been waiting for the most…

Dating in Cuernavaca, Mexico 🇲🇽

Glad you asked…

Plentiful.

That’s how I would describe the dating options for red-blooded foreign males willing to spend a month or two here.

The local banda, slang for people, don’t get much of an opportunity to meet foreign blood like in other touristic places.

My first date with a local Latina finished in the middle of a city center doorway — but that’s a story for another time, my friend, but now I know why Hernán Cortés called this place home.

And you can just about get away with not speaking Spanish when dating here, but you’ll reduce your chances with many, so don’t be lazy.

Just use the advice found in this guide and come prepared with some suave Spanish.

The attractions of Cuernavaca have made this place a dream for dating, which I’ll go into a bit later!

But overall…

Since there’s very few other gringos around, you should be popular on dating apps or in bars when you go out to party here.

Just be wise…

Cuernavaca is a small-ish city, so trying to “hit quota” here may cause some problems.

Nightlife in Cuernavaca, Mexico

You’ll find decent bars playing a range of reggaeton, electronic, and pop music.

As I mentioned earlier, the city is quite spread out so your best option is to walk around and “barhop” in one area and that is definitely in “centro” as mentioned above.

Here’s where to start your night:

Mercado Comonfort

This bar is a big social environment that’s like a courtyard-style area with different bars located around the seating area.

Great food/drinks and the prices are affordable. You can choose between different bars and restaurants — all with their own specialty so you can mix things up throughout the night.

They play a wide variety of music that isn’t deafening so it’s a great place to talk to friendly locals or friends before the night gets too messy.

I recommend the mojito, sers.

Few more bars I suggest:

• Penny Lane Pub 

• Juarez 4 

• La Verdad Sospechosa 

And a new bar that’s just opened playing 70s and 80s retro music - Jackson Bar Cuerna 

You’re going to be paying around 2-3 USD for a beer and slightly more for spirits in most places.  

While Cuernavaca isn’t a world-class city for nightlife, you can certainly get in a little rumba on here and have some fun.

Martial Arts

The only place I can recommend for BJJ or Muay Thai is:

• Crossfit Legión CF

It’ll cost you just over 25 USD a month and it’s basically the only option in town.

However, from the “Cuernavaca Centro” area, it’ll take around 15 minutes in an Uber.

Gyms

Limited options again, but a gym is a gym…

• Gimnasio Smart Fit - Cuernavaca Centro  

Costs $15 USD a month and is a 10-minute walk from the main square. 

Things to Do in Cuernavaca, Mexico

For such a small spot, there’s a few cool things to do here, especially once we get outside the city.

Let’s dig in…

Malls

Several modern-looking malls to choose from. You’ll find activities such as bowling, cinemas, casinos, and great-tasting food.

Here are the top three I recommend:

• Fórum Cuernavaca 

• Galerias Cuernavaca

• Plaza Cuernavaca 

Museums

Being a state capital, Cuerna (as Mexicans call it) has numerous museums.

Many of these are located inside the map I showed earlier: 

• Robert Brady Museum - Private collection of Art with a nice garden to relax in.

• Museo Regional Cuauhnáhuac (Palacio de Cortés) - Unfortunately this place is still undergoing maintenance after being damaged by the 2017 earthquake. Still, it’s a nice area to walk around and see Hernan Cortés’ home. Plus it’s right next to the Suites Las Plazas hotel.

• Cathedral de Cuernavaca - One of the oldest churches in Mexico. 

• Ethnobotanical Garden and Museum of Traditional Medicine - A great place to walk around and enjoy the lush greenery and plants. Free entry too. 

This museum brings me to my next point:

Gardens/parks

Another reason for the nickname “Eternal Spring” — and why dating is optimal here…

You’ll be able to find many parks and gardens to visit. Cuerna is very popular for hosting stunning outdoor weddings too.

• Jardín Juarez -  A nice greenery environment to walk around but be careful with the street vendors as they like to swarm you. 

• Borda Garden - This is one of the best places to relax and enjoy the vegetation Cuerna has to offer. You’ll find small lakes and fountains inside.

And I’ve saved the best till last…

• Chapultepec Park - Urban State Park Chapultepec Ravine - Not as big as the one in CDMX but it has more of a tropical feel to it. The place is surrounded by waterfalls, butterflies, crocodiles, peacocks, and much more wildlife. You’re walking around a zoo but in nature. It’s right in the middle of the city, a 15-minute Uber ride from Centro.

BONUS:

Inner Evolution Retreats in the south of Cuerna. You’ll experience a breathtaking panoramic view of the city from the heights of the hills. The perfect setting to go deep into yourself through ancestral medicines, psychotherapy, and meditation at:

Inner Mastery Mexico

What to Do in Morelos? 

Visiting Tepozltán is a must.

It’s a small but quirky town with an archaeological pyramid, the Tepozteco, to hike up from the main street in town. I was there for three months and it became a personal favorite of mine. I’ve also yet to meet a Mexican who doesn’t like to go there.

Not many taco stands, but the restaurants are incredible. I highly recommend “Los Colorines” for authentic Mexican food and trying Pulque from “Pulques Tepoztlán” bar.

Pulque is a traditional alcoholic beverage in central Mexico. It’s made from the fermented sap of the maguey plant.

Lake Tequesquitengo — “The Sea of Morelos”

A great spot for boats, restaurants, and skydives. The lake sits on an underwater village, and divers have been able to see the church's dome. This is a great option for weekend getaways and it's only 40 min. south of Cuernavaca.

Archaeological Site of Xochicalco

The architecture and views in this place are stunning. Another reason to visit is that it doesn’t attract that many other tourists which make this site even more spectacular. Takes just under an hour from Cuernavaca but it’s well worth the travel. 

Jardines De México

This is an impressive park where you’ll find a wide range of gardens with different themes, a maze, and shrub sculptures of animals. They also have a great food selection in the restaurant. This place is next door to Lake Tequesquitengo. 

How’s Your Spanish?

If I’m going to be honest, it’s not necessary to be fluent in Spanish here but at least come prepared with the basics.

You’ll have a much greater experience and the locals will be more inclined to converse with you if you at least try and make an effort.

But most people I have encountered, whether friends or dating, speak English at a reasonable level. 

Even though it’s been almost untouched by many young travelers, this city is still home to many retired North Americans and other Expats, so to keep up with the amount of tourism, English is being taught well in schools here.

How long should you stay?

If you’re only visiting the city I’d say 2-3 weeks would be sufficient.

But if you’d like to use it as a base for Morelos, you could easily stay here for up to 2-3 months. 

Additional Notes…

If you’re still unsure of how to get here or around the city, I suggest you download the Rome2Rio app.

This app will guide you pretty much everywhere in the world including here. It’ll show you how much the travel will cost, and where each bus station/airport is located. 

This city is a great place to keep improving your Spanish as Cuerna is considered to be one the best locations to learn, boasting over fifty Spanish language schools.

There are small towns located south of Cuerna that you can travel to via bus. All are slightly different and sometimes showcase small festivals on weekends inside the main squares. 

• Jiutepec

• Emiliano Zapata

• Temixco

Cuernavaca, Mexico 🇲🇽 Overall

In my honest opinion, the city of Eternal Spring is definitely worth the 90-minute ride down from Mexico City.

If it was good enough for Hernán Cortés, it’s good enough for us young degenerates. 

A local put it in good words for me: “Life is so much more relaxed here compared to other big cities”

And I couldn’t agree more. 

The city can’t get rid of me. 

So I hope to see you around here soon.

• Incredible Food

• Strong Tequila

• Mayan Ruins

• Beautiful Beaches

• Welcoming Culture

• Cute Latinas

• Lawless Men

The largest Spanish speaking country in the world — by a long-shot — with easy flights to the USA and beautiful coastlines on the Pacific and Caribbean coasts…

It’s no surprise the country receives more tourists than damn near anywhere else in Latin America.

And two of the more popular cities to visit for tourists and expats alike:

Mexico City and Guadalajara

Mexico City, aka “CDMX” — being the biggest city in the country, is a mega-city with everything a red-blooded foreign male could ever want.

Guadalajara, aka “GDL” — the second biggest city in the country, also offers much for the traveling man. From beautiful Latinas to ideal weather and more.

But…

Which of these two large cities in Mexico is best for you?!

That’s exactly what we’ll discuss below, comparing and contrasting these Mexican cities on a number of factors – including:

• Population / Size

• Weather

• Best Neighborhoods

• Cost of Living

• English Levels

• Infrastructure

• Ease of Travel

• Things to Do

• Nightlife

• Dating

• The Locals

• Food

• Safety

I spent a good amount of time in both these cities, so I should know more than enough to break it down for my fellow nomadas.

Let’s dig in and  take a look at the “whole enchilada” when comparing these cities.

Pues…

¡Vámonos!

P.S: I highly recommend putting this song on *repeat* while reading this article…because Mexico 🇲🇽

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The first time I considered taking “gear” was in a beachfront apartment in Mazatlan, Mexico.

My homie and I were enjoying an awe-inspiring sunset as he began telling me how he ran TRT in Colombia, and the affects it had on him. I was intrigued.

We dug deeper before deciding to talk with the trainer at the gym the next day.

This wey was more than thrilled to shill us some testosterone and HGH. In fact, he was beaming at the idea of selling ‘roids to gringos.

Two days later, he showed up outside our apartment with a bag full of vials. We paid him the cash and smiled.

After running to the pharmacy for needles and alcohol, we took to injecting.

I’d never injected before, but my buddy had. He only knew how to do glute injections, so we went with it.

Full 1ml of Testosterone Enanthate straight into the side of the ass cheek.

That first injection did NOT feel great.

We giggled like schoolgirls to make up for the pain, with thoughts of being swole AF dancing through our heads.

Fast-forward a few months…

Being on TRT felt “underwhelming” for both of us.

My friend said this wasn’t how it felt in Colombia, so we decided to go do labs. A few days later, we both had emails with our test results.

My total test was like 620 ng/dl, his was around 580 ng/dl.

AKA — NOT Optimized.

That pinche wey had sold us fake gear — which wasn’t exactly surprising, considering he was a random trainer in a shitty gym in Sinaloa.

Luckily, we were in Mexico and had a few different ways to remedy the situation ;)

Below, we will discuss exactly how to get pharma-grade “cosas” in Mexico and some things to avoid.

What Type of “Gear” Can You Get in Mexico?

Being in Mexico…

It is not hard to get your hands on:

• Exogenous Testosterone (TRT)

• Human Growth Hormone (HGH)

• Clomiphene (Clomid)

• Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin (HCG)

Along with damn near every other “steroid” known to man.

In fact, it’s downright easy to find any and all of these things throughout the country.

Hell, you can get TRT, HGH, HCG, and Clomid over-the-counter (OTC) — aka without a prescription — in damn near any pharmacy throughout the country. There’s absolutely no need for an online TRT clinic to write you a prescription.

You can find “steroids” just by walking around tourist zones in beach cities all over Mexico.

Take a stroll down a main drag of any tourist town in Mexico and you’re sure to come across a “pharmacy” that only sells steroids and Viagra.

This is a common site all over…

Skip to 10:50 here…

These “farmacias” are all over Mexico and they all have signs exactly like them outside.

And if you walk in and ask about anything ‘roids related, the pharmacist will whip out a big booklet and go through a full sales speech on a dime.

They legit get fired if they don’t — as they have cameras inside listening to customers, making sure ‘roids are getting sold.

The quality at these places?

Well, after my first experience with buying performance enhancing drugs in Mexico from that pinche wey, I decided not to buy from anyone or thing remotely “sketchy” moving forward.

I only buy from the legitimate pharmacies in the country — not from these shady corner stores.

I believe this is the best play.

And this thought was echoed from my Brazilian juice monkey fren when he came to live in Mexico.

He imported all his gear from Canada, where he had a legit source — as he said he did NOT trust those pharmacies and would never buy his Tren from them.

Talking with some other jacked bros in Mexico and checking online forums from time to time, the general recommendation is to avoid these spots.

While some do sell legit shit, the vast majority are selling fake oils and crushed up powders.

NOT WHAT WE WANT.

Also, highly risky…

Why I Do NOT Recommend These Places

Overall…

There’s just too much risk when buying from these corner-store ‘roid “farmacias” in the opinion of your humble author.

Taking bad gear can literally kill you — or cause devastating injuries. And that’s coming from someone who is very pro-PED.

Here’s what completely scared me away from ever touching anything sold in those spots:

A guy online who went by the name of “Dan the Bodybuilder in Thailand” took a trip to Colombia.

He bought some steroids from someone in Colombia and then almost lost his leg.

See here.

And here.

So yeah, while it’s rare you’ll have a reaction like the fellow above, it is NOT uncommon to be sold fake shit.

Anywhere in Latin America!

And there’s no reason to take the risk, unless you’re a hardcore bodybuilder.

For 95% of us, the options available OTC at legit pharmacies all across Mexico will more than get the job done.

Which is what is discussed below…

Buying Pharma-Grade “Cosas” in Mexico 🇲🇽

If you’re in Mexico (also works in Colombia), you can get world-class TRT, HCG, and HGH from the biggest pharmacies in the country.

Without a prescription.

Over-the-counter.

Here’s my top recommendations:

• Bayer Primoteston Depot – Testosterone Enanthate: Farmacias Guadalajara, locations all over Mexico

• Choriomon – HCG: Farmacias Guadalajara, locations all over Mexico

• Norditropin – HGH pen: Farmacias Especilizadas, locations all over Mexico

They may only sell you 2-3 HGH pens at a time, just FYI. Those are hard to come by, but they usually have at least 1-3 pens on hand.

I generally am able to get 8 vials or more of Bayer Primoteston Depot at one pharmacy.

Also…

You can easily order Bayer Primoteston Depot and Choriomon from Rappi while in Mexico.

No need to leave your apartment or hotel.

Just order these on Rappi and they’re delivered within the hour — you can also order needles and alcohol swabs.

This is the absolute simplest way to get “gear” while in Mexico.

Not only will your “cosas” arrive within the hour, but buy ordering on Rappi from the pharmacies above or visiting in person, you can almost guarantee you’ll be getting legit stuff.

Minimal risks.

Traveling Internationally With Gear

“SWIM” has brought things in his/her luggage to over a dozen countries, including the USA.

“SWIM” is on a “list” when entering the USA nowadays — so maybe that was a bad idea.

However, I’ve never had any issues cruising around LatAm with TRT, HCG, and HGH – without a prescription. I have needles, alcohol prep pads, and more with me at all times.

Most countries have laws where they cannot legally ask you about a medication in your luggage – as long as you do NOT have insane amounts with you.

I tend to travel with less than a three-month supply.

Do I recommend this?

Legally, I cannot. However, I have done it for years without issue.

Couple of things here…

I tend to put everything that doesn’t need to be cold in my attaché. Airport security rarely goes through an attaché, as they assume you have soaps, shampoos, and deodorant in there – not TRT.

If I’m traveling with items that need to be kept cold, like HGH, I have a small freezer bag I put inside my attaché.

Like this.

Running "Gear" In Mexico 🇲🇽 Verdict

Overall…

Mexico is an incredible place to get TRT, HCG, and HGH.

Probably the best in Latin America — although Colombia certainly competes — as you can simply order you TRT to your apartment or hotel in less than an hour…

Without any prescription!

For steroids and more “hardcore” things…

Mexico is a viable option, but you’ll have to do some more legwork and research once you’re on the ground.

As the highest-quality steroids are not being sold in these touristy pharmacies. At least to my knowledge.

Again, this is NOT medical advice — but if you’re looking to use PEDs while in Mexico and have questions, feel free to hit me up by responding to the email here.

Que te vaya bien,

Jake Nomada

On one hand, the place just works. It might be the most functional city in Latin America — outside of the “Southern Cone” region.

Locals are friendly and sharp. Businesses are run properly. You can order things online and they show up on time, safely.

The city is relatively safe — street crime in the neighborhoods you’ll be staying in isn’t too common. However, narco activity has increased within the city as of late.

Oh, and the food is incredible, the nightlife is some of the best in Mexico, and the women arequite cute.

However…

There’s one issue with GDL. One major glaring issue:

The place just doesn’t have the “IT” factor.

There’s little nature here. You won’t find stunning Pacific ocean sunsets or world-class mountains to hike. Even though the city has 5+ million people in the metro area, there is no big city energy here.

GDL is chill.

And the women are cute, they’re very dateable and suitable for relationships.

But you’re not going to go off the deep end on a bunda bender — like you might in Rio de Janeiro. Could be a plus or minus, depending on the stage of life you’re in.

Alas…

There’s simply nothing in GDL that would make a man addicted to the city. But again, the place is incredibly pleasant. It’s a functional big city on every level. And the people are fantastic.

Let’s dig deeper.

Guadalajara, Mexico 🇲🇽

Population:

5.5 million people in the metro

Weather: 

One thing about GDL…

The weather is incredibly pleasant.

Warm in the afternoons, refreshing in the evenings.

In ye’ opinion of your humble author, there is not a single month where you should not visit Guadalajara due to weather.

Sure, it rains a bit June through August. But the rain is cooling and keeps the city’s climate from getting too hot in the summer. Plus, it’s never a torrential downpour.

In the winter months, the temperature drops to about 50 degrees Fahrenheit in the mornings. It’s cool, but not cold.

You’re basically looking at 50-85 degrees Fahrenheit year around here.

IDEAL.

The absolute best months to visit weather wise?

March, April, September, October, November.

But again, this is a city where you could visit anytime of the year and weather should be perfectly fine.

Overall…

10/10 climate in GDL

Why Visit Guadalajara?

I touched a bit on this above, but let’s dig a little bit deeper.

Guadalajara is a fantastic city overall, and many gringos and expats far prefer it over Mexico City.

Here’s what I love about GDL:

The Locals

GDL locals are friendly. Uber drivers love to chat with gringos. Servers in restaurants are cordial and servicial. You go to the park and often end up chatting with a friendly old lady walking her dog.

I’ve had many good interactions with random people in GDL.

Furthermore, the people in GDL are sharp. The city is a budding tech hub in LatAm. I’ve been more than surprised at how sharp many of the locals are in GDL.

There’s tons of corporate jobs in this Mexican city, the second largest in the country. But more than that, this is where almost all Mexican doctors come to study.

As such, there’s a plethora of high IQ students, doctors, and specialists.

One example…

Almost everyone at my BJJ gym speaks good English. A handful also speak French. At least half have traveled to the USA and Europe before. Most are studying to be doctors or already have a nice corporate gig.

The Food

Not to be a fat ass, but…

The number of “damn good meals” I’ve had eating out at random spots in GDL is insane.

You stroll into some random restaurant while walking around and the food is truly world-class.

In fact, the food in Guadalajara may be the best I’ve tried in all of Latin America. While attempting to avoid the obesity postings from most a travel writer, there’s no doubt you’ll find some amazing restaurants here.

Here’s a few solid steakhouses in GDL:

• La Madalena

• Leña Bruta

• La Vaca Argentina

A few of the other restaurants I love here include:

• Vulcanos Chicago Style Pizza

• Damiana, Café y Libros

The Nightlife

I’ve spent time in a number of Mexican towns and cities.

PDC, Cancun, Cozumel, CDMX, Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta, Tepic, Acapulco, Manzanillo…the list could go on and on.

However, in the opinion of your humble author, Guadalajara has the best nightlife in all of Mexico — when it’s going.

Better than Mexico City, significantly less sloppy than the Yucatan, more variety than any Pacific coast beach town.

More on that down below…

The Girls

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If you’re fond of perfect climates, low costs of living, rich history, and colonial architecture, allow me to introduce you to one of my favorite regions of Mexico: El Bajio!

For those unfamiliar, El Bajio – which simply means “The Lowlands” – refers to a particular geographical zone of Central Mexico. 

It’s somewhat loosely defined. If you search the Bajio on Google, you’ll get mixed results regarding where exactly it covers and what states are part of it.

That said, it more-or-less encompasses the following states:

• Aguascalientes

• Guanajuato

• Jalisco

• Querétaro

• Michoacán

• San Luis Potosí

• Zacatecas

And here are some of its notable cities: 

• Guadalajara, Jalisco

• León, Guanajuato

• Querétaro, Querétaro

• San Luis Potosí, San Luis Potosí

• Aguascalientes, Aguascalientes

• Morelia, Michoacán

• Zacatecas, Zacatecas

• Guanajuato, Guanajuato

Let’s talk about what makes this one of Mexico’s most underrated regions, shall we?

P.S. This guide will NOT cover Guadalajara. That city is so large it deserves an entire guide of its own!

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It was my birthday week and what better way to spend it than a trip to the “Pearl of the Pacific,” the charming seaside city of Mazatlán, Mexico!

The day of my flight I packed a small bag, rushed to the Mexico City airport and, in a few hours, I was strolling the balmy streets of Sinaloa. 

I hadn’t got as far as booking a hotel, but I did know of one. Hotel Belmar. I’d heard it was where John Wayne used to stay back in the day. 

Apparently, it was also haunted, so I thought that might add some zest to the vacation.

The hotel was situated across the beach near Mazatlán’s historic center and, to my luck, they had rooms available. Cheaper than I expected – a mere 550 pesos or so (about $28 USD).

I spent the next few days touring the city center, walking the malecon, checking out viewpoints, eating top-notch seafood and cultivating an impressive tan at the nearby public beach.

One problem, though…I was getting bored! 

Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying myself and had indeed intended to simply hang out alone by the beach during my stay. But the weekend was approaching, and I didn’t have any amigos or any women to enjoy it with.

In fact, the only person I’d met was a Mexican kid who couldn’t have been more than 11-years-old. He always seemed to be hanging outside the hotel and never failed to catch me either when I left or returned.

Güero! Do you need anything? I can get you anything you need…anything.”

A nice kid, but I wasn’t about to recruit him to acquire drugs, prostitutes, or anything else nefarious, which he was quite clearly hinting at.

Also, he wasn’t exactly an option to hit the bars with.

Fortunately, I had an idea…

Friday afternoon, I decided to rent a room at a nearby hostel. My logic was that I could hang at the hostel for a few hours to meet some people but continue to sleep at the hotel (because, well, f*ck sleeping at hostels!). 

After an awkward conversation about why I didn’t have luggage of any kind, I paid for my bed and walked upstairs to the terrace to see if I could spot some fellow travelers.

I noticed two Mexican guys smoking and drinking at a table. Not having any beers of my own, I took out a cig, lit it and sat down, the cigarette being my vague justification for joining them.

We got to chatting and it turns out these two Mexican guys – we’ll call them “Roman” and “Mateo” – were supermarket employees from the state of Guanajuato and had come to Sinaloa to help with the Marijuana harvest. They were treating themselves to a few days in Mazatlán before heading to the campo.

“Is it dangerous work?” I asked them.

“No, why would it be dangerous? It’s not complicated either and it pays well,” replied Roman.

As you might expect, I was finding this conversation rather interesting, so I popped down the street to buy some more beers to keep it flowing.

Roman and Mateo were old hands in the marijuana trimming game. They’d been at it a few years, taking a couple months off from their regular job to lend a hand with the lucrative Mexican crop. 

They explained to me that this was fairly common practice for many men in Central and Southern Mexico, as it paid better than most were able to make otherwise.

The hostel worker who checked me in got off shift and joined us on the terrace. From there, we moved onto other conversation topics.

By now the sun was down, and we certainly had enough drinks in us to justify going out. The hostel worker had a spare motorcycle that his brother left him, so he suggested that we all head to a bar on the motos.

We arrived at the bar and – unsurprising for anyone who’s ever set foot in Mazatlán – Banda music was blaring at an extraordinary volume. Luckily for me, our time there was short lived.

“Let’s go to the beach, we’re meeting a friend.” 

We rolled up to a spot on the malecon where a guy is waiting on the beach with a couple packs of beer and a couple packs of cigarettes. He’s one of the bigger Mexicans I’ve seen: about my height of 5’11 but twice my width.

I introduce myself and we start cracking open the Tecate Light. 

“Hey, guys,” I said. “They’re not going to f*ck us over drinking on the beach? It’s happened to me enough times before.”

Roman and Mateo began to laugh.

The new friend politely explained to me that he is military, and that the local police would leave us alone if they came by. 

Turns out, he grew up with Roman and Mateo and, after finishing his military training in Mexico State, they sent him to Sinaloa.

The conversation shifted to his job. It seemed it’d been a while since he, Mateo and Roman were in touch, so the two of them began asking him questions.

“What is it like? I mean…”

The military man knew what his pal was getting at.

“It’s fine. Todo tranquilo. We know all the faces of who not to mess with. So, we don’t find ourselves with too many problems.”

As the hostel worker lit a fat joint, the military guy proceeded to explain that, to reduce the risk of military members working with drug traffickers, the military tried to make sure none of the recruits assigned to any Mexican state are from that state. Hence, why they sent him – a Guanajuato native – to Sinaloa. 

We finished the beers and pondered the next logical move.

Bar Tarrandas isn’t the most elegant strip club in Mazatlán, nor was it even the closest one to us at the time, but the now high-out-of-his-head hostel employee insisted it was the exact place we needed to be.

The five of us procured a table not far from the stage and I excused myself to the bathroom. 

I finish peeing, turn away from the urinal and who do I see but the 11-year-old Mexican kid who was always hanging around outside my hotel.

“Eyy! What’s up, what are you doing here?” I asked.

He smiles, shrugging slightly.

Fair enough. Here I am asking a child what he’s doing in a strip club bathroom at 3am and expecting a satisfactory response. 

“Oye y güero,” he says. “Don’t forget to let me know if you need anything.”

We both laugh.

I return to the table and find Mateo chatting up one of the dancers. I go to sit down, and she leaves shortly after.

“Was it something I did”? I said, jokingly.

“Nahhh, I don’t have any cash left. No tengo varo.”

“Well, how much is a dance?” I ask.

“80 pesos.”

In other words, $4 dollars… 

“We’re all getting dances…well, except for you,” I said, turning to the 11-year-old kid who was now hanging around our table. “I’ll pay.”

The absurdity of the situation didn’t hit me at the time. Getting uninspired $4.00 lap dances with a member of the Mexican military and his childhood pals who were tangentially employed by a drug cartel, a hostel worker stoned out of his gord, all as an infant looked on with an air of comfort that would impress even the most weathered veterans of middling Latin American strip joints. 

But it does make me laugh to look back on it.

We decided to leave shortly after. It was apparently somewhere the military man wasn’t even supposed to be, let alone enjoying dances, so we figured it best to call it a night.

I hopped on the back of the hostel worker’s moto and he headed to the hostel.

“Wait, can you drop me off somewhere else?” I asked. “It’s real close. Head to Olas Atlas, around where the Malecon starts.”

I directed him to Hotel Belmar.

“Wait. You’re staying in a hotel? Why are you paying for a room at the hostel?”

I shrugged.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure.”

He starts laughing hysterically and gives me a fist pump.

“You know this place is haunted, right?” he says. 

“Mhm.”

“Pinches gringos,” he chuckles, before saying goodbye and riding off, the sunrise not far behind him.

Although this isn’t what I’d call a crazy story – particularly not by Nomada Newsletter standards – it is one that makes me smile. You had drug harvesters, a drug user and a man specifically tasked to fight such activities enjoying a night out as friends with a token gringo in tow. 

And the beauty of Mexico and Mexicans is that this irony never would have occurred to them because we were simply…bros hanging out.

If nothing else, it’s a neat little example of Mexico’s surrealism as well as the subtle but present influence of the country’s drug trade and the thin lines that divide those who work on its periphery.

The Latin American destination everybody and their uncle seems to be talking about these days.

And for good reason!

The Number of U.S. citizens granted temporary residency in Mexico in 2022 increased by 85% compared to 2019. For better or for worse, many of these Americans are choosing Mexico City as their home base.

Among Latin American enthusiasts, it’s a polarizing city. Many people love it. Many people hate it.

Having spent some time in the Mexican capital, I’m here to give you a tremendously comprehensive and honest rundown of this monstrous metropolis.

Mexico City, Mexico 🇲🇽

Population:

22,085,000 in the metro area 

Mexico City, also known as ‘CDMX,’ is the 5th largest city in the world and the second largest city in Latin America, behind São Paulo.

Weather: 

Mexico City has close to ideal weather.

It rarely creeps above 91 degrees Fahrenheit (33C) and rarely slips below 46 degrees Fahrenheit (8C).

The only thing to keep in mind is the city’s rainy season, which runs from June to September. During these months you can expect a few hours of heavy rain almost every day, typically in late afternoon. If you’re angling to visit Mexico City, I would avoid these months. It’s annoying enough to put a damper on your experience (no pun intended).

The absolute best time to visit Mexico City is from February to May. You’ll be rewarded with sunny skies and almost no rain. Blissful!

Quick note…

You’ve probably heard something about how bad the air pollution is in Mexico City. Although it’s not going to win an award for air purity any time soon, it’s worth noting that the city has made progress over the past decade. I wouldn’t worry about this too much. For most people, it isn’t a concern.

Another thing…

EARTHQUAKES. 

Mexico City is plagued by earthquakes. If one happens to occur while you’re there, stay calm. There’s a city-wide alarm system in place. This is what it sounds like. If you hear this alarm, you’ll have a few minutes to get out of the building you’re in. Please take it seriously – earthquakes in Mexico City can be deadly.

Why Visit Mexico City?

In addition to its agreeable weather, there are a host of other reasons to visit the Mexican capital! 

First, it’s damn easy to get to!

For the American readers, a few hours and a couple hundred bucks or less and you’re there. Leave your city after breakfast and you’ll be engulfing tacos and sippin’ mezcal on a jacaranda tree-lined boulevard by lunch. 

Second, you will never run out of things to do here. Never!

Mexico City has an incalculable number of activities for a man to get stuck into. Museums. Parks. Galleries. Restaurants. Cantinas. Aztec Ruins. Markets. Theaters. Landmarks. Concerts. Lucha Libre. The list is inexhaustible. I lived in Mexico City for roughly three years, and I only saw a small percentage of what this fine city has to offer.

Third, livability. If you’re new to Latin America, Mexico City is probably one of the best choices to transition into life down here.

It has better infrastructure than many Latin American cities, it’s safer than most Latin American capitals and you can sneak by on limited Spanish. 

It’s also got all the delivery and taxi apps you could ever want. Hell, Mexico City even has Amazon for all your online shopping needs! 

Additionally, there’s plenty of great neighborhoods to choose from. The government has done an admirable job of preserving its colonial buildings and urban parks, so there are several barrios here than offer pleasant vibes for day-to-day living.

Fourth, the food and the people!

We can’t talk about Mexico City without mentioning food. This may be the best culinary destination in all Latin America.

Here, or Lima, Peru.

Regardless of where you’re staying in CDMX, you’re never more than a stone’s throw away from excellent food, whether it be a humble street stall or top-ranked restaurant.

You won’t go hungry here, frens.

And, although Chilangos — Mexico City locals — have a reputation among other Mexicans for being arrogant and unfriendly, this was not my experience in the least. People here in the capital are generally warm and welcoming towards outsiders.

How to Get to Mexico City

As a megacity and important travel hub, getting to Mexico City is no problem at all.

All major, and several non-major, US cities will have direct flights. Major Canadian cities have direct flights. For the European bros, London, Paris, Madrid, Amsterdam, Frankfurt, and Munich have direct flights. Australian bros? You’ll have to do one quick layover in probably Los Angeles, Dallas, or San Francisco.

If you’re arriving from a different city in Mexico, there’s no need to fret either. Mexico has an impressive domestic flight network and an extensive bus system. You’ll invariably pay under $100 to get to the Mexican capital no matter which other Mexican city you’re in.

Check all direct routes here: Flights From

Best Neighborhoods

Mexico City has 16 boroughs and nearly 2,000 neighborhoods, technically speaking.

So yeah…it’s big.

That said, I’m going to try to make this as simple as I can, while also giving you some underrated ‘hoods to consider.

You know, for those of you who want to put a bit of distance between yourself and the other gringos!

You should stay somewhere that’s located within the confines of this map – excluding Anzures and Anahuac – which aren’t anything special. 

So, ignoring those two neighborhoods we’re left with the following:

• Lomas de Chapultepec - very expensive; rich Mexicans. Some foreigners

• Polanco - expensive; tons of foreigners

• La Condesa - moderately expensive; overwhelmed with gringos

• Roma Norte - moderately expensive; flooded with gringos

• Juarez (where it says El Angel de la Independencia on the map) -slightly cheaper than Roma Norte or La Condesa; arguably less gringos than La Condesa and Roma Norte 

There are two other neighborhoods that are popular among foreigners but aren’t pictured on the map: Centro (downtown) and Santa Fe. 

I don’t suggest living in Centro. Too many people and can be moderately dangerous at night. And Santa Fe, while lovely, wealthy, and modern, is just too far away from the rest of the city once you take traffic into consideration. 

You should certainly visit these neighborhoods but, personally, I wouldn’t stay in them.

If you want the best combination of safety, bars/restaurants, and walkable avenues, I suggest you live in one of the following 3 neighborhoods.

• Roma Norte

• La Condesa

• Polanco

Although these 3 barrios have been utterly ran-through by gringos, this happened for a reason. Logistically, they legitimately are the best places to base up in the city.

For those on a tighter budget and/or who really want to avoid other gringos, I have another map for you! 

• Napoles

• Del Valle Norte

• Del Valle Centro 

• Narvarte

These neighborhoods are perfectly safe, have everything you need, are home to fewer foreigners and will cost you a bit less.

TL;DR

If you have a good budget and don’t mind other foreigners, my top neighborhoods are:

• La Condesa, Roma Norte or Polanco. You can’t go wrong with any of these.

If you have a smaller budget and/or want to avoid a high concentration of foreigners, my top choices are:

• Del Valle Norte, del Valle Centro, Napoles or Narvarte.  

Where to Stay in Mexico City?

The two hotels that provide the best logistics while also being the best value for money are:

• Hotel Villa Condesa

• Hotel V65

These hotels are on the Roma Norte/La Condesa border. They’ll run you $100-$200 a night, depending on the room you select…which is a good deal for a quality hotel in this city.

And here are a few solid Airbnb options:

• Apartment in La Condesa

• Apartment in Roma Norte

Cost of Living

Mexico City is one of Mexico’s more expensive cities.

Here’s an approximate breakdown of costs:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Areas: $1000-4000 USD a month

• Hotel in Best Area: $3000+ USD a month

• Maid: $300-600

• Grocery Store: $350-700

• Eating Out / Delivery: $300-600

• Gym: $50-80

• BJJ / MMA: $55-90

• Partying / Dating / Social: $400-800 USD

• Cell Data: $20

Mexico City is no longer the affordable destination it used to be.

Rent prices have shot up in the more affluent neighborhoods thanks in large part to an influx of our gringo friends. Taxis, while still reasonable, have also increased recently. That said, an Uber right from Polanco to Roma Norte should still only cost you about $6 or $7.

One thing that remains cheap in Mexico City is the food. You can get 5 tacos from a street stand for $3 or less and fresh juice for about half that price. Supermarket necessities like milk, eggs and meat also won’t break the bank.

Nightlife here is somewhat expensive by Latin American standards. Set some dollars aside for date nights. A cocktail at a nice establishment in the city can easily run you $9 or more.

After the cost of rent, I’d want an additional minimum of $1500/month here to cover my expenses. 

In other words, the cost of your apartment or hotel + another $1500/month.

Is Mexico City Safe?

Yes. Mexico City is reasonably safe.

During my years living here I never suffered any major incidents. The authorities do a good job of making sure the affluent neighborhoods stay secure. If you’re staying in any of the above recommended neighborhoods, you should be OK.

I mean, just look at all the foreigners flooding into Mexico City. They wouldn’t be doing that if they felt their well-being was at risk, so this is a pretty good indication that you won’t end up hanging from an overpass or anything like that.

Nevertheless, there are a few things you should watch out for.

The first is...the police.

Yes, you heard that right! Regrettably, Mexican police are horribly corrupt. If they notice you’re walking the streets visibly drunk, urinating on a lamp post, enjoying a beer in public, etc., they will accost you, and not cease until they get some of your hard-earned pesos. 

If you’re unlucky enough to find yourself in such a situation that you can’t quite weasel out of, a small bribe is usually enough — 150-200 Mexican pesos per/cop should do it.

Note: Mexico City police will not normally do this for no reason. You’d have to be doing something vaguely wrong. They’re opportunistic. If you’re not engaging in anything that could be interpreted as sinister, they will leave you alone.

Another thing I’d add is don’t walk home alone at night.

Although you’ll be in a safe neighborhood, there’s no good reason to risk it. If your place is more than a few blocks away, just take an Uber, a Beat or a DiDi. These are some of the taxi apps here.

In Mexico City, if you stick to basic safety rules that apply to any city on the globe, you’ll be just fine. Incidences like having your drink drugged or elaborate dating scams aren’t particularly common here.

Dating in Mexico City

I’m going to keep it real with you, folks.

There are plenty of cities in the world with scores of beautiful women, blessing parks and public spaces with their mere presence.

Mexico City, I’m afraid, is not one of these cities.

You might be thinking but a city of over 20,000,000 people must have some good-looking females.

And you’re right! There are…some.

Read more

I had found paradise on earth during this time of utter stupidity…

Mazatlan, Mexico

Upon arriving in the cartel-run beach town, I immediately hopped over to the barber.

As I’d been in the city before, I knew him. Great dude, spoke English, cut hair for the cartel on and off.

We start catching up as he cleans me up.

Of course, being in a barbershop in Latin America, one topic comes up time and time again…

Women.

Unsurprisingly.

My barber starts asking me about the girls in Colombia, Brazil, etc. Then proceeds to whip out his phone and show me what he’s working with in Mazatlan.

My response…

I’m like, bruv: “When you gonna hook with up with some of their friends, ser?!”

My barber laughs: “I got you!”

He “Had” Me

Later that night, I get an Instagram notification.

My barber had posted my fresh cut on his story with the caption:

“gringo en Mazatlan buscando novia jajaja”

I laughed…what a cunt!

Then didn’t think twice about it and went to sleep.

In the morning, I checked my phone and had a handful of messages from local girls in the city.

Ummmm, apparently he did “have” me.

A few of the girls were cute, so I started talking with them. Of course, I sent the messages to my barber to get the inside scoop on em’

One of the girls my barber said was solid was also antsy to go out, so we made plans for the following week.

This is where the story starts to go downhill.

Being on TRT, I had planned to give blood on Monday morning. So I woke up and went to the lab to give as much blood as humanly possible.

While I’m giving blood, the nurse says:

“No exercise today, no alcohol…just relax for the rest of the day. You’re giving a lot of blood today.”

I had given blood before, so I brushed it off. Never been an issue before.

Plus, I had a date last night with the girl from Instagram my barber hooked up.

The plan?

Go hike the lighthouse in Mazatlan and then have some food and drinks.

Aka: exercise and alcohol.

Limpness

So we meet up around dusk, complete the hour-long hike — which was exhausting, watch a bit of the sunset, and then head to a bar.

We drink 3-4 beers each and eat some ceviche, then head back to my apartment for some wine.

After a couple glasses of wine, one thing leads to another. As per usual.

I won’t get into the gory details here, but yeah…

My shit was flopping in the wind.

Limp as can be.

Floppy as f*ck.

I tell her about giving blood and how the nurse said not to exercise or drink alcohol. And how we literally did everything the nurse said NOT to do. Explicitly.

She laughs: “No te preocupes”

We part ways an hour or so later. No hard feelings. Make some tentative plans to meet up again later that week.

I end up seeing her a few more times — without the “floopy-ness”

She was a cool chick overall.

Fast-Forward

I stopped hanging out with this girl, even though she was cool, as I got a bit more serious with another girl I was seeing.

No hard feelings.

I certainly wasn’t the only man in her “rotation” — and well, I was handling my “business” too.

Fast-forward a few months…

I get a message from my barber:

“Have you heard from [redacted] lately?”

Me: “Nah broski, haven’t talked with her for awhile…why?”

Barber: “Fuck. Well, she has gone missing.”

Me: “What? What do you mean?!”

Now…

This girl had told me a few things on our dates I didn’t think twice of previously.

Like how her brother is an accountant in California — or how she goes to California every tax season to “help” him when he gets busy.

Here’s where it gets sketchy:

My barber filled me in…

Her brother is apparently not just an accountant, he’s also a member of a certain cartel — and helps them with a little laundering here and there.

Since she works for him during tax season, rival cartels viewed her as:

Competition

A few weeks later I’m at the barber shop and my barber fills me in on the full situation:

The rival cartel had kidnapped her.

There was some negotiation, but everything fell through.

She was then murdered by the rival cartel.

I stared at my barber:

“Wait, what?! She’s dead. Like officially?!”

Barber: “Yes, bro. They found the body. You don’t want to hear the other details.”

My barber must have saw the depressed look on my face. I’m not gonna act like I was devastated, but it was definitely a depressing wakeup call.

When in Rome.

He yelled at his receptionist: “Bring us a couple beers!”

He cracked em’ open and we cheers. He put on a weak smile and tried to laugh:

“Bienviendos a Sinaloa, gringo”

Some would say he was the best mental masturbator of all-time.

The Michael Jordan of mental masturbation — so to speak.

See…

I knew Covid was going to be bad before it got bad.

My Brazilian Portuguese tutor on Italki had warned me what was going on in mid-February.

Brazilians coming back from Italy were spreading the virus all over the country and people were freaking out.

I had a trip planned to Honduras before leaving for Brazil at the end of Q1.

When shit started popping off, I was forced to cancel those trips.

I was already itching to get back to LatAm after spending a couple months visiting family and getting my business back on track.

But I had a feeling the year was about to get derailed. Covid was going to ruin things.

And cancelling was the correct call, as many of my buddies got locked down in studio apartments — only allowed to leave 1-2 times a week for grocery store trips.

Stuck in the USA

So there I was…

Stuck in the USA. Lifting weights in my parents basement and grinding on business was all I did.

Outside of mentally masturbating.

I spent all March, April, May, and June building out a new business I had bought when the market crashed — which turned out to be the best investment I’d ever made.

But it was 12+ hours a day of working.

By mid-June, I couldn’t look at the computer screen any longer.

Burn out had set in.

Jake Nomada needs latinas in his life.

But where on earth could I go?!

The whole world was locked down. The American passport was damn near worthless. People were terrified.

Mental masturbation went through the roof.

I designed a plan to find the “most open place in the world” that still accepted American passport holders.

I spent every Friday and Saturday evening glued to Instagram stories. I’d follow a location tag and then watch stories from cities all over the world on weekend nights — for hours on end.

• Was anything open?

• Were people partying?

• Did life seem normal?

• Were people wearing masks?

I created a spreadsheet with all these variables.

After a few weeks of heavy mental masturbation, I concluded only a few places in the world were worthwhile to travel to during peak-Covid.

Where?

• Kiev, Ukraine

• Phnom Penh, Cambodia

• Morelia, Mexico

• Mazatlan, Mexico

There seemed to be a few spots in Brazil that might work too, but it also seemed to be a pain in the ass to get there as an American passport holder.

I considered Kiev, as I had a few friends there living good during Covid times, but decided Mexico was the better option.

Why?

Because Mexico was closer.

If shit popped off or Covid mutated to be even worse, I could always get back to the USA — even if it meant crossing the border on land.

Traveling During “Peak” Covid

I booked a flight to Mexico in August.

I landed in Mexico City and the place was dead. No one partying. No one at the parks. Everyone wearing masks everywhere.

I spent a week and got the f*ck out.

I knew this coming in and already had my final destination planned out…

Mazatlan, Mexico 🇲🇽

My Brazilian buddy had decided to come with me to Mazatlan.

We arrived in the city with low expectations, but a little hope. Mazatlan still looked good on Instagram stories.

Restaurants open. Gyms open. Nightlife popping.

Not much masking.

This was the hope…

To live a somewhat free lifestyle in an era of tyranny.

Luckily, the mental masturbation had paid off.

Mazatlan was alive and well.

Damn near normal.

In August and September, when the whole world was living through a draconian lockdown…

Jake Nomada was not.

Jake Nomada was enjoying the wonderful narco-ran beach town known as Mazatlan, Mexico.

No one asked me to put on a mask when I got in the elevator of my apartment building.

My Brazilian buddy and I bullied the gym receptionist just enough where she didn’t hate us, but would never ask us to wear masks.

Which in turn, led to 75% of the gym not wearing masks when working out.

Bars and nightclubs were packed to the brim with Mexicans from all over the country — not a mask in-sight.

Outside of being asked to wear a mask to get inside a few places, life was 100% normal in Mazatlan during this time.

I got accustomed to it — living normally.

Going on dates.

Swimming in the ocean.

Partying in massive clubs.

Meeting a few nice latinas.

Getting jacked and tan again.

Starting to train jiu jitsu.

It was so normal and so good, I told a bunch of my travel buddies.

Before I knew it, my little beach paradise I was reluctantly sharing with this Brazilian juice-monkey had become a hotspot for the homies.

At one point, we had a group of *7* digital nomads living in Mazatlan — a city not known to the expat crowd just a few months prior.

The Mindf*ck

Now, this was fantastic.

We were all able to avoid lockdowns and tyranny for damn near a year.

However, the reality of the situation had not set in yet…truly.

This wasn’t until I decided to visit family back in the USA for Christmas and then go see my best friend in California.

I knew California was bad.

I just didn’t know how bad…

So I hopped off the plane in LAX and waited for my buddy to scoop me up. Then we drove down to San Diego.

The plan?

Stay at a five-star hotel, get some bro-time in, and explore the city.

The issue?

San Diego was completely locked down.

We check into the hotel and go straight to the nice restaurant on-site. I’m no “sportsball” fan these days, but there was a big football game on. So we planned to grab dinner, catch up, and watch the game at the bar in the restaurant.

No can do.

The waiter tells us we can only order food here, but we have to get it to go and eat in our rooms.

Ok, I guess.

The next day, we set off to explore San Diego.

But almost everything is still closed.

We go into half-a-dozen restaurants — not a one will let us eat food, even on the outdoor patios.

Lame.

We walk around downtown San Diego.

There’s homeless people everywhere, begging.

But these aren’t normal homeless people, not drug addicts.

These are people that remind us of our parents. Normal looking people, not on drugs, who simply got railroaded by Covid.

It was beyond depressing.

After 24-hours in San Diego, I told my buddy:

“I gotta get back to Mexico! This is insane. We can’t do anything here.”

He nodded.

He understood this was insane.

So I cut the trip short, he drove me back to LAX, and I hopped on the next plane to Mazatlan.

Back to Paradise

I arrived back in Mexico on a Thursday evening.

By Friday night, I was in a club packed to the brim with Mexicans. No masks, no worries.

Life was normal again.

But the situation had me thinking…

Just a day ago, I couldn’t even sit down in a restaurant and have a meal. Now, I’m in a club filled with hundreds of intoxicated people. No masks. No problems.

It was a mindf*ck.

How simply catching a flight can change everything.

And a valuable lesson…

More lockdowns are coming. Tyranny is here to stay.

As intrepid world travelers who prefer freedom and liberty over all else, we’ve gotta be prepared and shit.

Get permanent residency in another country, work on a second passport, and make sure to get some of your wealth stored abroad.

‘Tis the only way™

Here you’ll find a laid-back beach lifestyle for pennies on the dollar, insanely good nightlife on the weekends, and some of the best seafood you’ve ever eaten.

Good pizza? Hell no. Great ceviche? Everywhere.

Not to mention the best beach boardwalk outside of Rio de Janeiro I’ve ever seen…

This might be my top “non-Brazilian” beach town recommendation in all of Latin America.

Where is this Hidden Gem city in Latin America? Keep on reading to find out.

Mazatlan, Mexico 🇲🇽

Population: 

600K population in the metro area

Weather: 

Mazatlan has damn good weather almost all year.

While the summer months can get a bit too hot and there is a 2-3 month rainy season, Mazatlan has the best weather out of any beach city in Mexico year around. It’s not even close.

While I would dip out during July through September if living here all year, you could make those months work.

It’s not way too hot and it generally rains in the late evenings, the daytime is still nearly rain-free.

From October to early July, the weather here is ideal. Perfect beach weather in the afternoons. Cooling off in the evenings where you can feel comfortable wearing jeans and a dress shirt – without sweating your balls off.

Why Visit Mazatlan, Mexico?

So I went to Mazatlan, Mexico twice. Spent about a year in the city.

Why?

Well, the second trip was during peak “Covid” retardation and Mazatlan was the only city in LatAm that still had gyms fully open and nightlife pumping.

It worked out well.

But why would you want to visit Mazatlan?

First off…

The beaches.

If you like Pacific coast beaches with waves that are ideal for surfing, body surfing, and frolicking in the sun — then you’ll love this beach town.

There’s solid surfing and body surfing in some of the most popular areas in town.

You can surf in Zona Dorada near Valentinos. You can body surf anywhere on the beach in Zona Dorada.

Olas Altas is a charming colonial area with a beach that’s perfect for body surfing and boogie boarding.

There’s some great surf spots just outside the city too.

Which brings me to the next point…

This is a solid Mexican beach city for surfers.

If you’re looking to get some uncrowded surfing in — while living in a decent sized city in Mexico — this may be the best spot. 

Lots of waves, very few foreigners crowding them. Not world-class waves of course, but waves nonetheless.

Next…

Nightlife is great here.

You can find big clubs, techno clubs, beach bars, after-hours, and everything in between.

Mazatlan is home to one of the biggest beach clubs I’ve ever been to in LatAm – Joe’s Oyster Bar. It’s not a fancy spot, but usually is a good time.

Overall, if you’re looking to live by the beach and party hard on the weekends, you’ll love it here.

However, there are a few caveats…

Mainly there is absolutely NO nightlife during the weekdays in Mazatlan. The clubs only get packed with tourists during the weekend – dead during the week.

Oh, and of course…

Mazatlan is cheap as hell.

You can get an ocean-view two-bedroom apartment on the Malecon for $1,100-1500 a month. That’s a fucking steal.

You’ll need about $2,000-3,000 USD a month to live a good life here.

How to Get to Mazatlan, Mexico

I wouldn’t recommend busing or driving to Mazatlan from anywhere in Mexico — outside of Culiacan, Tepic, and Durango.

The city is a bit far from everywhere else in the country, so you’ll probably want to fly in.

Luckily, the Mazatlan airport has pretty good connections from all over Mexico and a few direct flights from the USA.

Mazatlan currently offers direct flight each week from:

• Dallas

• Houston

• Phoenix

• Los Angeles

• San Francisco

• Minneapolis

So you’ve got some pretty decent direct flight options to get here from the USA. Flights that are usually less than 3 hours long.

Domestic flights come in from all over the country, including CDMX, Guadalajara, and Monterrey.

Domestic flight round-trips can be found for under $100 USD on occasion.

Learn more here.

Best Neighborhoods

This is one of the biggest issues with Mazatlan…

The neighborhoods kind of blow.

See, this is a fairly touristy spot. Not international tourists, but Mexican tourists coming in from all over the country.

So on the weekends, the nice beach neighborhoods are a lot of fun.

During the week, these areas are dead. Legit ghost-town, as most of the locals don’t live next to the beach. Even a lot of the restaurants and bars close down for a few days during the weekdays. Not fun.

But I’ve found a few ideal spots to stay…

Let’s first dig into where not to stay:

• Do NOT stay in the “Marina” area. This area is dead as hell. It’s boring, isolated, and where the rich locals stay. Not ideal for an expat looking for walkable, lively neighborhoods.

• Do NOT stay too far from the beach. Almost all the best restaurants, bars, and nice apartments are near the beach. These areas are also safer.

Ok, so where should you stay?

Zona Dorada

Classic tourist neighborhood in Mazatlan. Dead as hell during the week. Insanely full on the weekends. 

Decent restaurants and bars around here. Some fun clubs too. Probably the best place to stay on your first trip to the city.

The issue?

On the weekdays, it’s super boring here. There’s legit no one here. Dead as hell. On the weekends, traffic is horrific and it can be borderline unbearable to stay in this area due to the amount of traffic. 

Pick your poison. 

El Malecon

For long-term living in Mazatlan, I’m a fan of the northern “El Malecon” area. 

Here you’ll find some super nice apartments with great amenities and ocean views. 

You’ll also have easy access to the malecon, which is incredible for morning walks and evening strolls. 

The beaches are better in Olas Altas and Zona Dorada, but neither is as peaceful as this area.

The issue?

There’s not many, if any, restaurants, bars, or even coffee shops along this area. Making it unwalkable to most things. 

Great ocean views, high-rise amenities, and malecon access – but it’s not really a “neighborhood” so to speak.

Olas Altas

Really nice beach here. Great little malecon area. Tons of great restaurants and a few bars.

However…

Most of the apartments suck in this area. Most don’t have ocean view and are not modern.

It’s also far from the best nightlife in the city, along with BJJ and boxing gyms.

Where to Stay in Mazatlan?

So this is the biggest issue with Mazatlan…

Where should you stay?

I’ve lived there for over a year and I still don’t have the perfect answer. 

It really depends on what you want…

For the best logistics in the city, meaning you can walk to the malecon, the nice beach in Zona Dorada, bars, clubs, and restaurants…

This is a fantastic option.

If you want to live cheap and close to the beach, options are somewhat limited in Zona Dorada.

But this one would work well.

I personally prefer apartments in Mazatlan over hotels. However, for a short trip, there is one perfect hotel…

Hotel Emporio Mazatlan

This hotel has the best location in the city. On the beach in Zona Dorada, but less than a 3-5 minute walk to the malecon area.

The rooms are solid too. Highly recommended.

Cost of Living

Mazatlan is fairly cheap for a popular beach city, but going up in price.

It’s not as cheap as some of the other options we’ve discussed in Colombia and Bolivia. 

However, if you’re basing up here for months on end, you can still live on less than $2,000-3,000 USD a month.

You can get a nice ocean-view apartment here on a six-months lease for $1,000-2,000 a month. Airbnb prices here are way higher due to the nature of tourist season in the city.

Here’s a full breakdown of costs in Mazatlan:

• Airbnb Apartment in Best Area: $1,000-2,000 a month

• Hotel in Best Area: $1,500-4,000 USD a month

• Maid: $300-600

• Grocery Store: $300-600

• Eating Out / Delivery: $300-600

• Gym: $20-50

• BJJ / MMA: $25-50

• Partying / Dating / Social: $300-700 USD

• Cell Data: $20

Certainly not as cheap as some spots, but still a good value for a beautiful beach town.

If you’ve got a budget of $3,000 USD a month and plans to spend 3+ month here, you should enjoy a very high quality of life.

Is Mazatlan, Mexico Safe?

Well…

This is Sinaloa. This is home to the Sinaloa Cartel. I was robbed here.

People I know have been in stores where two thieves shot the owner of the store and robbed them, while customers were in the store.

Mazatlan is consistently on the list of the most dangerous cities in the world. 

However, the city has been improving in recent years and seems to be safer than in the past.

While I wouldn’t consider this city to be 100% safe, it’s also nothing like a “warzone” either.

You can walk around outside and use your phone.

You can stumble around drunk without issues.

However, you need to speak some Spanish and have some street smarts to make it work here long-term. 

Dating in Mazatlan, Mexico

Now…

The women tend to look good here, especially at the nicer nightclubs. It’s Sinaloa.

However…

Read more

The question everyone wants to know before heading down south of the border. You’ve read the statistics and heard the wild reports on social media.

But what’s the reality of the situation? Is it as bad as they claim?

Millions of gringos head down south for their vacations each and every year. Most return without incident.

Most of the violence is probably just drug cartels killing each other off.

Or so I thought…

Then I made a silly mistake and ended up getting robbed in Mexico. Aka when living south of the border catches up with ya.

How This Gringo Got Robbed South of the Border

See what had happened was…

I was chilling with a buddy down in Mazatlan, Mexico. He was a local, born and raised in Sinaloa.

Now, Mazatlan is a charming beach town in Sinaloa. It’s also considered a “dangerous” city if you’re looking at the stats.

We’d been exploring the outskirts of the city all day, driving from beach to beach. Eating some food, swimming, taking some pics of the scenery.

It was a good ole’ time.

But it was getting a little late and the sun was about to set. So I asked my buddy where the best spot would be to catch the sunset.

He thought about it for a second and then said he knew of an abandoned house with the best views in Mazatlan – a couple minutes away from where we were.

I was sold.

It truly sounded like the perfect place to end the day. So we made a U-turn and headed back towards the south of the city – before cruising up a small mountainside.

Pulling up to an abandoned house, we hopped out and pop the front door open. Some kid, like 17-18 years old, is sitting inside with his motorcycle and some special “substances” around.

We chat for a minute. Make some small talk. He seems pretty normal. Not the gang-banging type.

No worries.

So we go further inside and check out the views.

They’re stunning.

Like truly world-class. Honestly, some of the best damn views I’ve seen in my life. Beach, city, sky, mountain, and more.

Combined with the rundown, abandoned home ensured it was a sight to behold. Hell, all the walls were covered in graffiti – which added to the charm.

I started taking some pics. Baffled that such an amazing view was abandoned. Such a prime piece of real estate and no one living there.

Enjoy some “substances” with the friendly fellow chilling in the abandoned house.

I noticed my phone is dying.

Then…

All Hell Breaks Loose

I’m taking a pic when I see something out of the corner of my eye.

I look at my buddy, “What was that?”

Something had just moved, quickly, by the entrance to the room we were in. I get up to see what it was. I didn’t think there was going to be an issue.

Then one guy comes in through the front of the room yelling in rapid-fire Spanish.

I don’t understand a word, but the intention is clear.

I see someone else out of the corner of my eye coming in behind me on the balcony.

We were cornered. In the back room of an abandoned house.

One guy in front of me. With a knife pretty close to my neck. Another guy behind me with his hand reaching into a backpack.

And I couldn’t see outside the room. I had no idea if they had other friends waiting in different areas of the house or out front.

Suffice to say…

This wasn’t a good position to be in.

The dudes are yelling at us to sit down, keep our heads down, and clear out our pockets.

It’s utter chaos.

My mind goes into this weird super-slow mode. That exact same thing that happened to me in El Salvador – when I got jumped down there.

You’ve got lethal weapons within a foot of your body, and your focus goes into hyperdrive.

In some ways, a life or death situation.

Things slow down like crazy and you process information faster than ever before.

Now, I have a policy to avoid violence and confrontation in Latin America.

No bar fights. No senseless ego-puffing confrontations. No white-knighting for these hoes.

Just not worth it down here.

But I wasn’t about to hand over my phone without assessing things real quick. So I slowly look up at the guy who has a knife way too close my neck.

And he’s a fookin’ shrimp. Like 130 lb. Just a tiny dude. Plus, he’s tweaked out. Definitely on drugs.

I had 60-70 lb. on him. If I could catch him unfocused for just a couple seconds, I could get him away from me and dip out.

But I still didn’t know what the guy behind me had.

I didn’t know who was waiting around the other corner of the abandoned house.

I didn’t know who could be sitting out front.

Too many variables at play.

And all the stories of people getting stabbed for cell phones in Colombia begin going through my mind.

People dying because they simply didn’t hand over a smartphone to some shithead with a knife.

Then I looked to my side and my buddy is scared shitless.

I try to say something to him in English.

And while his English is normally conversational, he was struggling to spit out a coherent sentence.

On top of that, the kid who was here before us is legit curled up in the fetal position in the corner tweaking out.

The two “locals” are terrified of this drugged-out twig with a knife in front of me.

Fucking hell.

If two locals are scared, I’m not gonna chance shit. Not worth it.

Hell, I’m in Sinaloa.

This isn’t the Mayan Rivera. This isn’t exactly the type of place to take risks and act like a tough guy.

It’s the home of the Sinaloa Cartel.

So I hand over my phone. Keep my head down. Like a bitch.

The dudes grab phones from all three of us. They take money from my buddy and the other kid. I didn’t have any.

Then they sprint off and out of the room. Out of the house.

It was the last I saw of them.

When LatAm Strikes Back…

Living south of the border got the best of me here.

One of two times I’ve been jumped in nearly a decade in Latin America.

And both times, I put myself in a stupid situation. I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been at the wrong time of the day.

Asi es la vida.

Probably best to avoid abandoned houses at dusk in dangerous cities, sers.

Ya tu sabes,

Jake Nomada