Monteria, Colombia 🇨🇴 Gringo's Guide
Wonderful and developing small city in "La Costa" region
When you think of the Caribbean coast of Colombia, you probably think of Cartagena or Santa Marta.
Both are world-famous beach town in “La Costa” of Colombia. Those two destinations are a “must” visit if you’re heading to Colombia for a quick trip.
They’re both worth a week or a week of your time.
But would I spend more than a week in either of these spots…
Hell no!
Both of these spots are packed to the gills with gringos and accordingly, hustlers trying to scam said gringos and tourists.
Luckily…
“La Costa” in Colombia offers a few other preferable options.
There a few “off-the-beaten-path” destination in this region. Places where you can find great hotels and Airbnb options with fast WiFi, stunningly sexy Colombianas, and a pleasant place to base up.
Colombianas that has never met a gringo before and are more than curious, sers.
Below you’ll find detailed intel on one of my favorite cities in this area — that meets all the criteria above.
Located in the middle of nowhere, this city classifies as one of those Hidden Gems you’ve probably never heard of.
Monteria, Colombia 🇨🇴
Population
500K people in the metro area
Weather
I’ll be honest with you…
If you’re not used to hot and humid cities, Monteria is gonna feel like absolute hell from mid-morning until dusk.
It is HOT in Monteria — hell, in all of “La Costa” in Colombia.
The temperature here ranges from mid-70s to low-90s all year.
It rains here often. Pretty much year around. As such, you can’t really avoid the rain outside of January through March.
Not a city for people who prefer cooler climates, but if you’re fine with a little heat and humidity…you might love it here.
Why Visit Monteria, Colombia?
Well…
Honestly, most of you should NOT visit Monteria.
It’s hot as hell. It rains a lot. It’s hard to get to. Some would call it unsafe. Most would consider it a “shithole” city.
However…
One of my favorite trips of all-time involved visiting Monteria for 4 nights with two good buddies.
We partied hard as hell.
Make amor noice bunda, ser.
Visited one of my favorite beach towns in Colombia.
Then met the coolest Colombian bro of all-time.
So yeah, I’m more than fond of the place. Here’s a few things I love about Monteria:
It’s *Kinda* Nice
While on paper Monteria is “shithole” in every sense of the words, it’s actually a nice place in many ways.
The city is pretty clean. There’s walkable neighborhoods. There’s a couple very nice malls and a couple great hotels.
The people are also super friendly, which I’ll talk about again here below.
Montería has also changed a lot in recent years. The recent transformation of Ronda del Sinú is incredible and is considered the largest lineal park in all LatAm.
It’s an up-and-coming city in many ways — developing and improving rapidly.
Not Packed with Gringos
I did not see a single gringo during my time in Monteria that I did not already personally know.
There are no other foreigners here.
If you like to get away from the gringo crowds in Medellin and Cartagena, you might love what Monteria has to offer.
However, there is a caveat with this…
You’ll definitely need to speak Spanish.
Great Beaches Close By
If you love beaches, I’ve got good news and bad news.
There are no beaches in Monteria itself. None. It’s not a beach city.
However, you can find the nearest beach only one-hour away.
The most popular beach town near Monteria is Covenas — which is an 80-minute drive from the city.
This is a decent beach town, especially if you want to chill out with local Costenos and party on the weekends.
Then there’s one of my favorite beach towns in all of Colombia…
Isla Fuerte
I’ll be honest: this adds a ton of value to Monteria, as you can be on this pristine, virgin Caribbean island in less than two-hours’ drive + boat ride from the city
It’s insanely beautiful and offers amazing snorkeling. There’s even surf here.
Plus, the best hostel on the island is amazing:
La Playita
Nice hostel complete with beach volleyball, a bar overlooking the Caribbean, perfect waters for snorkeling, and a friendly owner who lives there most of the year.
True paradise…10/10 recommendation.
How To Get To Monteria
Monteria is not an easy place to get to.
In fact, it’s downright difficult to get here. Truly…
In. The. Middle. Of. Nowhere.
But that’s one of the main reasons there’s no gringos here, so some would call it a feature — not a bug.
There are no international direct flights to Monteria.
To fly into Monteria, you’ll have to first get to one of these cities:
Bogota
Medellin
Cali
Barranquilla
From these cities, you’ll have direct flights available to Monteria from a variety of domestic airlines, including:
Avianca
LatAm
Viva Air
EasyFly
This would be the recommended way to get to Monteria. One-way flights from these cities will be $40-100 bucks. Pretty cheap.
Of course, you could also take the bus.
The only route we’d recommend taking the bus to Monteria from would be:
Cartagena - Monteria
This bus ride will be 5-6 hours long and you won’t have to do through a bunch of mountain roads.
Probably will cost you $15-25 USD.
Do NOT take the bus from Bogota, Cali, or Medellin.
That will be a miserable trip. Te lo juro.
Best Neighborhoods in Monteria 🇨🇴
As Monteria is a pretty small city, you won’t have a ton of neighborhood options here.
In fact, there’s only a few areas I’d recommend in the city — not even sure they’re neighborhoods.
But let’s break it down…
The one “neighborhood” I’d recommend staying in Monteria is:
El Recreo
In this area, there are two “vortex zones” — near the Buenavista Mall or close to Pasaje del Sol, the “zona rosa” area in Monteria.
Both of these areas offer nice hotels and Airbnb options, walking distance to bars and restaurants, and are safe.
This is the area where the rich live in Monteria.
The only other option in the city is to stay at the GHL Hotel, which is connected to another huge mall in the city — Alamedas Mall.
This would offer insane convenience, as the hotel is super nice and the mall has a SmartFit, restaurants, and bars all inside.
Personally, I will probably stay at the GHL Hotel on my next trip to Monteria — but you can’t go wrong staying in El Recreo either.
Where to Stay in Monteria?
As a smaller city with not a ton of tourism, there’s not that many great lodging options.
I’ve found three hotels I really like, along with a handful of Airbnbs.
But don’t expect to find the perfect apartment here…
I put these filters on Airbnb in the whole city:
Entire Apartment
Washer
Pool
Air Conditioning
WiFi
17 TOTAL OPTIONS IN THE WHOLE CITY!
So there aren’t many great Airbnb options here. In fact, this is definitely a city I’d recommend staying in a hotel in — as the hotels seem to be of way higher quality than the apartments.
But here’s a few good Airbnb options before we dig into hotels:
Overall, I believe hotels to be better. I’d 100% stay at one of these three hotels if you’re going to be in Monteria for a week or two.
Hotel Sites
Located in between Buenavista Mall and the Zona Rosa in Monteria, this hotel offers an ideal location in the city — in the richest part of town.
In my opinion, this is also the nicest hotel in the city — with a great rooftop pool and acceptable gym.
Hotel GHL
This hotel is almost as nice as Hotel Sites and offers an equally ideal location, as mentioned above.
Connected to one of the nicest malls in the city, you’ll have access to the mall, the SmartFit, and a great rooftop pool.
Hotel Parque del Sol
The other hotels listed above are newer and nicer than Hotel Parque del Sol. However, this hotel is in the perfect location - within a 2-3 minute walk to the best nightlife Monteria has to offer.
There’s also a solid gym next door. This is the cheaper option in Monteria, but still quite nice.
Cost of Living
Monteria is VERY cheap when compared to other cities in “La Costa Caribe” — like Santa Marta and Cartagena.
You could easily live here for a month on $1,200-2,500 USD.
Anything over $2,000 bucks a month and you’re living like a king in Monteria.
Here’s a brief breakdown of costs on a monthly bases in USD:
Nice Hotel: $750-$1500
Nice Airbnb: $500-1,200
Maid: $150-300
Groceries: $200-400
Restaurants: $300-500
Gym: $20-40
Partying/Social: $250-500
Cell Data: $10-20
As you can see, Monteria is dirt cheap. You’ll get great value for your money here.
One of the better “hidden gems” if you’re on a budget and speak Spanish decently.
Is Monteria, Colombia Safe?
Well, it’s still Colombia…
So Monteria is NOT 100% safe.
My good Colombian friend was robbed at gunpoint here — but he has lived here his whole life and that only has happened once.
Super safe cities in Latin America are generally Montevideo, Uruguay or maybe Florianópolis, Brazil.
However…
Monteria is certainly safer than you’d expect.
There’s very little cartel violence here. There’s little murders.
It’s considered safe by Colombian standards.
This is not Buenaventura or Tumaco.
Also…
You also will find significantly less scopolamine here than Medellin or Bogota. Almost none!
Which is probably the most important thing when talking about safety in Colombia.
The biggest things with Monteria are:
Do NOT use your phone on the streets.
Pay attention when motorbikes are cruising by — most street crime in Colombia is committed by a man on a motorbike.
Do NOT get too wasted at night unless you’re in a group of people you trust. Rolling solo and wasted in Colombia is not ideal.
Never let someone give you a drink at a bar or let a girl pour your drink.
If you can follow those rules, you should NOT have any issue here — especially if you stay in one of the nicer hotels in Monteria recommended above.
Dating in Monteria
You might be the only gringo in town…
Which is ideal, ser ;)
The women here are of fine Colombiana stock. Long jet-black hair, insane bodies, and friendly personalities.
The women look damn good in Monteria.
As such…
You should have fantastic dating options while in Monteria. Punto.
During my short time here, I met a pretty hot chick. Insane body. Fake latina blonde hair. Fuck, I’m reminiscing now and getting hornt just thinking about her.
I’ve more than sowed my oats and this is the only girl I’ve ever met, and excuse my vulgarity, that had “good pussy”
Like the actual sexual organ itself was insanely good. Like so good it made you want to hit it every hour on the hour.
I won’t go further, but you get my drift. She slapped.
The only issue with dating here is this:
It’s a small city.
You will run out of women on apps here quickly.
After a bender weekend or two, you’ll be known in the nightlife scene.
It’s not that small, but it’s small enough where you will run out of options after 2-4 weeks depending on your work rate.
Luckily…
You can get away with being a “perro” on the Caribbean coast of Colombia. It’s part of the culture.
Just tread lightly if you plan to stay more than a few weeks.
Nightlife in Monteria, Colombia
Monteria offers good to great nightlife.
You’ll enjoy partying in la costa.
The best clubs here can be found in “Pasaje del Sol” — which is like a “mini-Lleras” if you’ve ever been to Medellin.
Here’s the top spots:
Milagro
Best high-end club in town by a mile. No competition whatsoever. Here you will find hot girls, good music, and hot girls.
Milagro is by far the best club in Monteria.
Why?
Exclusivity my friend.
You’ll have to pay 10k-20k pesos just to get in. That’s like $6 USD, which is expensive in Monteria.
Lab Club
Electronic music, guaracha, EDM and house — ONLY.
Not a big fan of this place, not because I don’t like this type of music.
If this is your style of party, you’ll love it here. The women do look good here too.
La Licorera
My favorite club in Montería!
Why?
This is a less fancy, middle-class club. You’ll find down to earth people here, but certainly not pobres. The women are also fire.
In regards to the music, you’ll find reggaeton at its finest. Maybe one bachata song or a little merengue, but mainly puro perreo.
Here people don't care if you’re rich or poor. Everyone just wants to have a good time.
Sagrada
This club is in a different area. It’s like 15 minutes from “Pasaje del sol” and a little rougher of a bario.
It’s located in a zone called “La 41”
A whole entire street, with both sides filled with clubs. Like 15+ bars and clubs. People going in and out of the clubs.
Absolute rumba chaos.
Personally, I would only recommend Sagrada. By far the best club here.
Things to Know about Partying in Monteria
La Cotsa is a whole different animal when talking about Colombia and LatAm overall.
You’ve gotta know how to maneuver here, especially at night.
Here’s a few tips:
Party Starts after 11 p.m
This is very important.
Nobody goes out early here. This is not Bogota. Plan to get to the club and get a table around 11-11:30PM.
Laid-back Clothing
This isn’t a “suited-up” city. It’s too damn hot.
Jeans and a v-neck or a short-sleeve button down is all that’s required.
I would wear boots or dress shoes — no sneakers.
Overall, it’s way more chill attire here at night than in other parts of Colombia
Costeñas HATE Drunks
It doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pitt, costeñas would avoid like the plague if you’re too wasted.
People go out to dance the night away, mingle, and have a few drinks — not to get shitfaced.
If you’re looking to mate here, don’t get too drunk.
Girls in la costa also expect stallion-esque bedroom performances. So less booze helps.
Latino Culture
Learn how to move. Make sure you know how to dance to reggaeton and merengue.
Thank me later.
Latinos love dancing, but even more-so on the Colombian coast.
P.S: typical cute Costenas, they get much hotter…
Cool Tings’ to Do
This is NOT a tourist destination. As such, you won’t find anything you MUST do while here.
There’s really not a lot here, which is why no gringos come here.
But if you must take a photo for Instagram or something, well, here’s a few things to do:
Pasaje del Sol
Monteria’s most famous nightlife location. I call it a “Mini-Lleras”
Tons of great restaurants, bars, and clubs here. Very walkable. Nice area overall.
Take a “Planchon”
Monteria is divided in two parts by a river called Rio Sinú.
There are two bridges to cross the city, but if you happen to be walking in the northern part of the city and have to cross the river…
Might as well cross it by a wooden craft boat. Do this just before sunset and you’ll have one of the best views in Monteria.
Muzac Art Museum
If you’re into art and painting, you should visit this little modern art museum located in Ronda del Norte.
Ronda del Norte
This is the best place to enjoy nature in Monteria. There’s jogging trails and a nice “mirador” to watch the sunset over the river from.
Martial Arts in Monteria, Colombia
I did not train here on my short trip, however, martial arts does NOT seem to be popular.
There is no BJJ gym.
There is one small boxing gym.
Not a martial arts hotspot by any means.
Medical Care
My friend who lives here needs an ACL repair.
He is going to get that done in Medellin — not in Monteria.
I would not recommend getting any medical care here. Punto.
Recommended Length of Stay
You could stay here for as little or as long as you’d like.
One week is more than enough to cover all the basics, see the whole city, and visit all the tourist sites.
The perfect trip would be 1-2 weeks.
On the flipside, you could stay here 2-4 months, get a smokeshow Colombiana girlfriend, and live on the cheap.
All depends what you’re looking for.
I’d say the place would get boring after 2-4 months, but I’d be willing to go back and find out ;)
Monteria 🇨🇴 Overall
This is a small, super “hidden gem” of a city on the Colombian coast.
If you speak Spanish, love Colombian girls, and want to get off-the-beaten-path, then I’d 100% recommend it.
The nightlife is pumping, there’s some nice hotels, the women are insane, and there’s no other gringos.
If you’re looking for a city with a bunch of things to do, you’ll hate it here.
For me, I’ll for sure be going back.
Te lo juro.