Puerto Vallarta 🇲🇽 Might Be Too...
“I don’t think Puerto Vallarta is somewhere we could raise our family.”
I’m walking around Marina Vallarta one morning with the fam.
It’s around 9:00AM. I’m drinking my first coffee of the day, basically waking up at this point.
Just having a nice little stroll around with my girl and our first-born daughter. Nothing too crazy. We’d been staying in an Airbnb at the marina and enjoying our morning walks looking at all the yachts.
About 100 yards in front of us, I see a big group of people. Lively, way too energized for this time of the day, but I don’t think too much of it.
We keep walking towards them.
I can see the group a bit clearer now. There’s like 40+ dudes, zero women.
This is Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand what’s happening here.
No big deal.
We keep walking towards them.
The picture keeps getting clearer. They’re highly animated. Smiling, giggling, prancing around. They keep touching each other, slapping each other’s ass.
Just a full-on middle-school game of grab ass between a bunch of gays.
I’m slightly annoyed at the level of flamboyance. My girl isn’t thrilled either. Whatever, when in Rome and shit.
We keep walking towards them.
We’re about 10 yards away from them now and I notice something odd.
They’re animated, hand movements all over the place, but it’s too much. Too over the top. This isn’t normal forms of communication — even for a flamboyantly gay group.
Then it hits me.
I understand the reality of the situation, and I find it humorous.
I try to contain myself. I try my hardest not to laugh. But I can’t contain myself.
I burst out laughing.
I’m on the verge of tears I’m laughing so hard. My girl is looking at me with one of those “WTF is wrong with you?!” faces.
I try to get it together, but the gaggle of gays has already noticed my laughing. A few of them are staring at me.
We speed up as we walk by them, trying to get away as fast as we can.
Once we're clear of them, my girl turns to me, “Why were you laughing at them?! What happened?! WTF!”
I calm myself down…
“Amor, did you realize what that was?”
She’s confused, “It was a group of gays…”
“Si amor, but you missed something. Something important.”
She’s still confused, “What?!”
“They were deaf gays. They can’t hear. That’s why their hand movements were all over the place and so animated. So flamboyant. It was a group of deaf gays on a trip to Puerto Vallarta to enjoy a vacation filled with…well, I don’t really want to think about the specifics.”
Her jaw drops, she starts laughing too.
We look back as we’ve now got some distance between the deaf gays and us. They’re still playing grab ass, still animated, still flamboyant.
We make it back to our Airbnb apartment without further issue. My girl immediately turns to me once we’re inside:
“I don’t think Puerto Vallarta is somewhere we could raise our family.”
I nod in agreement.
At least we weren’t staying in the Zona Romántica on this trip…