Restaurants in Havana

Something isn't right here...

It was around 8:00p.m. one evening in the communist shithole known as — Havana, Cuba.

After a long day of exploring Havana on foot, I was tired. And hungry as hell.

The morning breakfast at my casa particular was amazing. Filled with eggs, sandwich meat, cheese, fruits, and more.

Every other meal I had in Cuba, pretty average. Some downright bad. Like the grey “cheeseburger” I attempted to eat at the beach at Playa del Este — which was not actually made of beef.

Yummy ;(

But this evening…

I was hopeful. We strolled by a decent, modern looking spot with a good amount of people inside.

Looked ideal.

So my buddy and I made our way in. Fingers crossed this might be our best meal in Cuba.

The plates on everyone’s tables looked good. Real food, well prepared.

This is looking up.

We sit down, grab the menu, and immediately get ready to order before the waiter gets back.

The waiter finally comes by after about 10 minutes to take our order. Full “latino time” is to be expected in Cuba…around every turn.

So my buddy and I proceed to order 2 large bottles of water, an appetizer, and 2 main courses each.

Hungry.

The check would have easily been $40-50 USD + a 20% tip. A tip that would have been almost $10 USD.

This matters…

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So five-minutes later, the waiter comes back with two large bottles of water. He opens them and fills our glasses each separately.

I’m thirsty as hell and instantly take a large drink.

Before proceeding to violently spit the water back into the glass.

My friend gives me a look like, “I know you’re borderline autistic, but spitting water back into the glass is something only inbreds do, Jake.”

I’m dumbfounded.

I smell my glass. There’s a distinct smell of gasoline in the water. Very chemical smelling and tasting.

“Take a sip of your water. Don’t swallow it.”

My friend tries the water and spits it out like I do, “What the hell! That’s disgusting. There’s something wrong with this water.”

We glance to the table in front of us and they have a similar look of distain on their faces.

I yell over, “Is your guy’s water horrible tasting?”

“Yep, it tastes like gasoline” they reply.

WTF?!

My buddy and I start chatting about what’s going on. It clicks…

The waiter didn’t let us open the bottles of water ourselves. Why? Because they were already opened and refilled with tap water.

CUBAN TAP WATER.

It tasted like some weird chemical concoction. It smelled like gasoline.

I say to my buddy, “Let’s get the fuck out of here! If that’s the water, imagine what bullshit they’re doing to our food.”

We immediately get up and walk out the restaurant.

The waiter chases after us, yelling that are food is already being prepared…

“Fuck you!” I yell as we leave and flip the guy the bird.

He knew what he did.

Which was…

Well, it’s Cuba.

The dude makes little to no money…because Cuba. So he thought he could refill bottles of water from tap, charge customers $4 USD for them and then pocket the $4 per bottle.

He figured he would pocket $8 bucks cash off the two bottles of water we bought — without using inventory of the restaurant.

Smart play, I guess.

Except for the minor detail that — Cuban tap water is not remotely drinkable for tourists and has a horrific smell and taste.

The worst part:

He lost out on an $8-10 buck tip we would have given him if he wasn’t a scammer.

But damn near everyone in Cuba has a scam they’re running. That’s just how the country works.

Communism has made it impossible to get ahead in the country. So everyone has to hustle tourists to make a buck.

One of the many reasons…

Cuba just sucks.

Te lo juro,

Jake Nomada