The Land of Ass...Steroids
Location: Panama City, PanamaâŠa la 2014-ish
It was my first day in the Latin America concrete jungle and like a typical bro, I went on a search to find a gym.
With limited Spanish, this proved to be no small task.
I spent what constituted a majority of my afternoon roaming the streets, taking taxis, and speaking broken âSpanglishâ to people who were not amused with my inability to communicate properly.
After what felt like an eternity, I was able to figure out where three different gyms were located within a 20-minute walk of my apartment.
I decided to check out what was seemingly the nicest one first.Â
As I walked into the modern gym in the middle of the concrete jungle, I immediately noticed the striking similarities to all the upscale gyms in the United States. A supplement shop, yoga studio, cross-fit area, and brand new weights created a vibe of familiarity for me. I wanted to join immediately.
But, the upscale gym was expensive. And I was broke.
After being told the gym would cost $165 for five weeks, I attempted to haggle in âSpanglishâ to no avail.
But for my efforts, I was granted a guest pass for the day.
After a great lift at the upscale gym, I grabbed a protein shake and continued my search. As I wouldnât be joining the fancy gym.
The only other two options I had found were a ghetto gym under a parking garage that was a three-minute walk from my place and the local university fitness center.
The Land of AssâŠSteroids
I decided to try the ghetto gym first.
The university was a 20-minute walk from my place and while most likely nicer than the ghetto parking garage gym, a three-minute walk sounded preferable.
As I strolled into the ghetto gym that evening, the large concrete box was packed with at least 100+ people.
Not a window in site, but the gym was filled to the brim with jacked gym bros and slim-thicc gym bunnies.
As I made my way to the front desk, I could feel eyes staring at me from all angles.
People were âmean muggingâ me. The lowly gringo in the spot.
My adrenaline skyrocketed.
Iâm fresh off the boat. Barely can utter a few words in Spanish. Probably one of the smaller dudes in the gym, and nobody seems overly friendly here.
But the gym had everything I would need to stay in shape.
As I got to the front desk and began speaking to the owner to get my membership sorted out, I started to relax. The owner was a friendly man with a calm disposition.
After signing up for the month, I attempted to find out if mornings were a bit slower.
The owner said yes and I headed out of the concrete box back into the concrete jungle.
GOT DAMN!
The next morning while struggling through a solid hangover, I made my way to the parking garage gym.
Arriving around 10:30 in the morning, there may have been 20 people working out. It was perfect. I signed in while making brief small talk with the owner. Then I got to work.
Foam rolling followed by a bit of jumping rope before hitting the squat rack. I was on my fourth set of squats when I caught a glimpse of ass in the mirror.
I made a quick note of said ass and continued my set. After racking the bar, I turned around and my eyes quickly darted to that ass, but this was not a normal assâŠ
I am not sure how to describe said ass with words. My jaw immediately dropped to the floor. I couldnât look away. The girl with said ass knew of her asset and was wearing a pair of yoga pants with the crazy âlatina-styleâ designs on them.
The ones that highlight the ass perfectly while creating a puzzle that confuses on-looking perverts like me into staring for an inordinate amount of time.
The guy working out next to me noticed my amazement and started laughing. He mumbled something in Spanish that I didnât understand, but Iâm sure it was quite hornt.
I finally was able to reconcile my thoughts and get back to my workout. I wrapped up squats and begin to hit pull ups hard, when I saw a group of women walk in and greet the ass girl.
There were around ten women varying in ages, most of them young-ish and attractive As they made their way toward the squat area, I noticed they all had similar assets to ass girl.
The Ass âSteroidâ Girls
To say there was âass for daysâ would be an understatement.
This group of women had more ass than I had seen in my life. The hip-to-waist ratio in the gym almost brought a tear to my eye.
With a bit of effort, I suspect I could wrap my hands completely around a few of their waists. Yet, each and every one of them had an ass like Nicki Minaj on steroids. I couldnât decide if I was aroused or disgusted, but I could not stop starring. I finally regained a bit of focus and finished up my workout.
As I walked home I contemplated how gravity could allow such things to happen in nature.
I came to the conclusion that gravity cannot allow ass like that. The only way asses like that are created is through implants or ass steroids. I wasnât sure which one it was, but I was determined to find out.
The next day I went back to the ghetto gym at the same time in the morning. I had to see if the ass was an anomaly or not.
I walked in and I quickly found the answer to my question. The ass steroid girls were back in the building. Some of them were the same girls from my first day and some of them were women I had never seen before, butâŠÂ
Not a single one was lacking.
As I worked out, I kept a keen eye on the group. Not in a creepy manner, but in an investigative manner. I had to know if all these women had ass implants or did they have some type of secret ass workout.
During my hour or so workout, I kept tabs on their lifts. They did no upper body. They did no abs. They did no calves. They did no cardio. They only lifted their ass. In total, the group did 12 different ass exercises of varying difficulty.
It was confirmed. I was working out in the land of ass steroids.
My conclusion was further confirmed when I watched a few in the group squat. Now these women do not look like bodybuilder chicks from the United States â as their upper bodies are tiny and they are certainly not ripped. They are seemingly thin and feminine except for the insane ass.
AndâŠ
These women can squat as much as I can.
During the end of my workout I glanced over at the group and saw 225 lbs. on the bar. Shocking, but I figured it was maybe their max set. One of the younger girls who probably weighed around 125 pounds of which 100+ had to have been in her assâŠgot under the bar. She lifted the weight and proceed to execute a perfectly formed deep squat, and then another, and then another.
She hit 10 reps with 225 lbs. on the bar like it was nothing. The next chick walked up to the rack and did the same. I immediately wrapped up my workout and left.
Watching the ass steroid girls squat bruised my ego.
Afterwards, I immediately concludedâŠ
Those asses are not implants. Those asses are not natural. Those are asses developed by injecting some type of steroid directly into your ass.
And while working out in the land of ass steroids can be slightly intimidating, there are positives. The ass steroid girls are there every day and I havenât put less than 225 lbs. on the squat rack after what I witnessed.
The Reality
After working out in the parking garage gym for a few weeks, I made friends with the one other foreigner who trained there - a former British military guy.
He knew the ass steroid girls and filled me in on what was actually going on.
There was always a mid-50s lady that came to the gym in the morning with the ass steroid girls.
She was the madame.
These girls were âhigh-endâ escorts from Colombia and Venezuela. She managed them, and apparently, they all lived together in a big house outside the city.
Every weekday, the madame brought her girls to the gym and forced them to train ass and ass only.
She collected all the funds from their clients each day and helped them save cash.
They would work 3 years for her. Then she would send them back to their country, buy them a couple of nice apartments in the city theyâre from, and give them whatever was left over.
She would show them how to rent out one of the apartments and live in the other.
Essentially setting these women up for life.
Supposedly.
Irregardless of how the madame manages her girlsâŠ
I still havenât decided if Iâm aroused or disgusted by the ass steroid girls.