The Latin Hammerâ˘
Youâre driving home from a lovely beach vacation in Puerto Vallarta, which entails driving through the ass-backwards state of Nayarit, Mexico đ˛đ˝
You expect some traffic.
You expect some delays.
But what you donât expectâŚ
Is to sit in your car for damn near 4+ hours not moving at all, whatsoever.
Finally, traffic starts to go by. You start to inch forward every couple of minutes. Things are starting to move.
You finally see a highway worker walking by the side of the road, so you roll down the windowâŚ
âWhat was going on? Why was there such a delay?â
Mexican highway worker: âWeâre fixing the road, but we had to take our lunch break for a few hours.â
Yes, you read that correctlyâŚ
The Mexican highway workers shutdown the highway, on both sides, for hours on endâŚjust so they could have a nice lunch break and siesta.
Causing you a lovely 4-hour wait in bummer to bummer traffic.
The Latin Hammer⢠strikes.
You decided to move to the bustling metropolis of Panama City, Panama đľđŚ
You rent what looks to be one of the nicest apartments in the city. Running about $3,500 USD a month.
A two-bedroom, two-bath spot on the 38th floor.
Only to arrive and be greeted by the Airbnb hostâŚ
âThat apartment is not available because the owner decided to renovate this week. So we have got another one for you.â
Youâre thinking, âOk, as long as itâs similar, Iâm coolâ
Only to be put in a one-bedroom âshoeboxâ apartment on a low-floor.
The host says youâll be in the apartment you booked in a week, but you both know what that meansâŚ
2-4 weeks minimum until itâs ready.
Youâre tired from a day of travel and donât have the energy to go find something else, so you move into the âshoeboxâ spot.
Two weeks go by and you request a full refund. This wasnât what you rented, youâre tired of living in a âshoeboxâ and want your money back.
The host balks.
You get Airbnb involved and magically the two-bedroom spot on the high-floor opens up within 24-hours.
You get a partial refund and move in.
The two-bedroom spot is lovely. Except for the fact that the master bedroom shower leaks all over the floor.
And now, youâre putting flip-flops on to walk into the bathroom and take a piss at night.
You complain to the hostâŚagain.
He says a maintenance worker will be over in the next 48-hours to fix the problem.
This doesnât happen.
48-hours turn into two-weeks.
Your flip-flops are soaking wet 24-hours a day.
The Latin Hammer⢠strikes again.
You found a last-minute hotel in the ânarcoâ beach town of Manzanillo, Mexico đ˛đ˝
Itâs 3am and you hearing blaring house music coming from the room next door.
You hear a half-dozen male voices yelling loudly. Sounds of beer bottles âcheersâingâ ring through the paper thin walls.
Thoughts run through your mindâŚ
Should I go confront this group of men who are drunk and could be connected?
Or should I go talk to the reception?
You put some some clothes and flip-flops to walk across the parking lot, only to find the reception is closed and nobody is coming to help you.
After calculating the benefits and risks of a confrontation, you decide NOT to go knock on your neighbors door and eat the night of shitty sleep.
The music finally turns off around 5:30am.
You fall asleep for a few hours, only to hear the music blaring again at 9am.
The Latin Hammer⢠strikes ever-presently.
Youâre standing outside of your Airbnb rental in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil đ§đˇ
Youâve got all your luggage, computers, etc. by your side as dusk settles in a city known for street crime.
You speak very little Portuguese.
Youâre desperately trying to call your Airbnb host to let you in the building.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, which was really only 20-minutes, the host picks up and comes to open the gate.
Heâs a friendly fellow, but heâs sweating profusely and damn near out of breath.
You get to the door of the apartment and he opens itâŚ
The smell of sex fills the air.
You walk in to find a scantily-clad woman âcleaningâ the bed and changing the sheets.
You turn to your host with a look of, âDid you really just fuck on the bed in the apartment that Iâm renting from you while I was arriving?â
He noticed your look of astonishment filled with disgust and he begins to blush.
The Latin Hammer⢠fucks.
While living in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic đŠđ´ â youâre woken up on a Sunday morning by a startling noise.
Mind youâŚ
Youâve got to bed just a few hours before after a big night out on the town.
So you drag your still drunken self out of bed and try to figure out what the noise was.
There it is again.
And again.
Youâre desperately trying to not open up the blackout curtains on the balcony to check whatâs going on outside, but the noise just wonât stop.
So you reluctantly open the curtain only to see construction workers building a new building next door.
Starting at 6am to ensure nobody in the neighborhood is able to sleep this Sunday morning.
The Latin Hammer⢠strikesâŚinescapably.
P.S: This story is the definition of â The Latin Hammerâ˘
