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How to *Actually* Learn Spanish
No DuoLingo "puteria" necessary...
“¿Que Nalgas Son Esas?”
World-class game spitting in Spanish. Just drop the line above on any Culona you see walking around in LatAm and you’re sure to be mating ASAP.
Ya tu sabes.
In all seriousness…
The lack of Spanish language ability found amongst expats in Latin America is almost embarrassing.
I’ve met men living in LatAm for damn near a decade who still have trouble ordering food at a restaurant.
Don’t be that gringo.
Learn to mutter some basics and spit some game in Spanish.
Because not only will it make your life in Latin America so much better, but it’s really not too difficult to speak decent Spanish.
If you avoid time-wasting apps, like DuoLingo, and focus on stuff that actually moves the needle forward.
As such, methinks breaking down a fail-proof 4-step process to learning Spanish is in order.
If you follow the plan below for 3-6+ months, you will be fully conversational in Spanish.
Te lo juro.
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1. Move to Latin America
First ting’ you need to do…
Book a flight.
While you can start studying before you arrive, the only way to truly learn Spanish as an adult is…
That means living in a Spanish-speaking country for 3-6+ months.
Now, they are some places that are better to learn in than others. You sure as shit don’t wanna study Spanish in the Dominican Republic or Cuba.
Even the locals in Argentina speak Spanish with a retard accent.
Nah, you want to go somewhere that they speak clear, crisp Spanish that a lowly gringo like yourself can pick up on quickly.
Preferable big cities include:
Bogota, Colombia 🇨🇴
Mexico City 🇲🇽
Guadalajara, Mexico 🇲🇽
Asuncion, Paraguay 🇵🇾
You’ll find pretty easily understood Spanish without too much jerga in these spots. However, big cities might not be the most economical places to study.
For clean Spanish and lower costs of living, I’d recommend starting out in:
Cali, Colombia 🇨🇴
Antigua, Guatemala 🇬🇹
Arequipa, Peru 🇵🇪
And while I personally prefer taking online personal Spanish lessons, you’ll find in-person Spanish tutors to be dirt cheap in these locales too.
Book a flight. Book an Airbnb for 3-6+ months in the city of your choice. Make sure the wifi is good. Plan to fully immerse yourself in the Spanish language.
2. Start Studying with an Online Tutor
Now we’re getting to the good stuff…
Yes, you’ll actually want to actively study the language.
When most people start out studying Spanish, they download some app — often DuoLingo.
My take on that…
Just. Don’t. Do. It.
The opposite of Nike.
DuoLingo can work. In practice, the vast majority of people “studying” on DuoLingo for 3-6+ months still can’t order food in a restaurant properly…in Spanish.
Other folks buy an online course, like a Rosetta Stone or some shit.
Also not worth the time or money.
“Alright, Jake Nomada…so how the hell am I supposed to study Spanish, bruv?”
You will take online classes with a professional tutor.
And it’s far cheaper than you think.
Here’s the gameplan once you’re actually in Latin America…
One-hour of Spanish study with a professional tutor, Monday through Friday…no weekdays off.
So, where do we find these professional tutors?
Again, that’s easy…
If you’re able to commit to 20+ hours of studying every month, the most cost efficient way to learn is through:
Language Blend offers daily 1-on-1 Spanish lessons with a professional teacher for a low monthly price.
You can study up to 31 hours a month for one low monthly price with Language Blend.
$200 USD per month.
The teachers are generally very professional with Language Blend — and often from Colombia or Venezuela.
I’ve been more than impressed with the quality of teacher at Language Blend, as the teachers are all professionally trained language instructors and not just some English speaking Latino looking to make money.
Another huge benefit of Language Blend?
They offer 24/7 chat support.
Why does this matter?
Well, if you have any questions about the Spanish language…
You don’t know how to say something properly
You got a text that doesn’t make sense
Someone sent you a voice note and you need translating
You can simply message the chat bot and your questions will get answered.
THIS IS HUGE WHEN STARTING OUT WITH SPANISH LEARNING.
Having a native Spanish speaker help you understand messages and voice notes will eliminate a lot of issues your first 3-6 months of studying Spanish.
P.S: Full disclosure — I own Language Blend with a partner. So yes, I am biased. However, the added benefit of having 24/7 chat support to help you learn Spanish is HUGE.
If you’re just looking to get your feet wet and are not sure if you can commit to 20-30+ hours a week, there’s another economical option that works damn well.
Italki is an online language learning platform that allows you to book classes with professional language teachers.
These classes cost anywhere from $5-20 USD per hour and prices generally vary based on the quality of the teacher.
Only book with “professional teachers” on Italki. The others ones usually suck.
I did not study Spanish on Italki, but I did use the platform to study Portuguese and it works quite well.
3. Go on as Many Dates as Humanly Possible
You’re fully immersed, living in Latin America, and studying Spanish every damn day.
While ideal, these two steps alone will NOT get you conversational in three-months.
No way, Jose.
Actually using what you’ve been studying and having long-form conversations in Spanish.
Now, you could probably do this by going to a few “language exchange” nights in the city you’re in and practicing Spanish that way.
It would help.
But there’s an issue…
You don’t have anything invested in these conversations.
You don’t have any motivation outside of learning the language.
Which is why we absolutely must add in one thing…
Dating is an integral part of learning any language.
Because you’re highly invested in the conversation. Because if the conversation goes well you could be enjoying bunda later on that evening. Gratis.
So while you’re living in LatAm and studying Spanish with an online professional tutor daily, you’ll also be striving to go on dates with females that do NOT speak English…
Download Tinder. Download Bumble. Swipe your life away.
Spam Instagram models in your city with DMs.
Go out at night and party hard. Have mating on the mind. Meet women.
Use your dogshit Spanish to flirt with the cute barista as best you can. Ask for her Instagram and them DM her.
Be an absolute degenerate…in the name of learning Spanish.
When I was starting out learning Spanish, I’d be going on 5-10 dates every single week. Dating was a full-time job, learning Spanish was my side hustle.
But it worked damn well.
Every single date you go on with a non-English speaking Latina is 2-3 hours of Spanish language practice.
Sure, you’ll have to use your translator app part of the time. Who cares? I can promise you that fertile young latina sitting across from you is not too worried…as long as you’re making the effort to learn and speak her language.
Do NOT skip this step, sers ;)
4. Watch Shows in Spanish w/ English Subtitles
At this point, you are living in Latin America, studying Spanish with a tutor every damn day, and dating at least 1-2 cute latinas.
At some point, said latinas whom are enjoying your company will ask to spend the night.
As long as she’s not sketchy as hell, you should agree to this.
Have her come over and make you dinner. Make sex fertile latina. And then, you’ll open up Netflix on your TV.
If the Airbnb doesn’t have a smart TV, just make sure you have a Roku stick on hand. Essentials.
On Netflix, there’s a number of shows originally shot in Spanish that are damn good.
Here’s a few of my favorites:
El Patron del Mal
La Casa del Papel
You’ll start watching one of these shows with her. Start at episode #1 and make sure the audio is in Spanish. Then make sure the subtitles are in English.
Remember, she’s a latina that doesn’t speak English and you’re learning Spanish. This is the perfect setup.
So she spends the night, you watch a couple of episodes with her…listening to a couple hours of Spanish audio.
This will help immensely.
You’ll hear proper male accents in Spanish that you can emulate.
You’ll also pick up on the flow and tonality of the language, while learning a bit of vocabulary.
Pro-tip: Just remember to only start one show with each girl. If she comes over for another sleepover and sees you’ve watched episodes without her…
She will immediately think you’re seeing other women and the famous latina jealously will flow.
It’s that Simple…
If you follow the steps above to a “T” — you will be speaking conversational Spanish in 3-6+ months.
Speaking Spanish that’s a higher level than many an expat that’s lived in Latin America for damn near a decade.
Te lo juro.
And here’s the kicker…
You’ll be enjoying the hell out of it. Immersed in a new culture, learning a new language, and dating beautiful women.
Not spending all day on some lame language learning app that doesn’t even work.